You may be thinking that therapy cannot help you. You may be thinking that nothing will help at this point. Or you may think that nobody will understand. Possibly you think that you don’t even need therapy at this time despite what others say to you. You may have even tried therapy with little to no success in the past. You may have talked to other first responders who have not had the most success with therapy. It is true that therapy is not easy and will not provide a quick fix; you very well may not feel better after the first few sessions you have.
 
Unfortunately, if you have noticed that your life just isn’t the same anymore or if others have told you you’re not the same anymore, and you decide not to go to therapy, nothing will change for the better. Your life will not only not improve, but is likely to continue to get worse.
 
You may notice a steady decline in your emotional well-being, you may notice becoming more sarcastic, you may notice you are more jaded, you may notice changes in your relationships, and you may even notice behavior changes in your children.
 
Not only does living life believing that therapy won’t help won’t make your life better, it will impact the lives of others around you. You cannot throw a pebble in the pond without making ripple effects and you cannot change without others around you feeling that change and adapting to that change. If that is a downward change, the adaptation of those around us are likely to also be a downward change.
 
Perhaps your relationship with your spouse is just not the same. Perhaps you are arguing more. Perhaps you are having more trouble sleeping these days. Perhaps you are spending less time with your children. Or perhaps the change you’ve noticed is at work – you have less desire to go to work, or you’re more sarcastic after the calls you go on.
 
At first you might have blamed it on everything external – work is stressful, you’re just tired, work is demanding more of you, there’s changes in the personnel at work, etc. You might have even felt like people are picking on you or chastising you. It is true that when we are stressed, we have a lower tolerance for criticism, even if it is accurate.
 
Unfortunately, when we ignore the symptoms or blame it on something else, it keeps the cycle going and we continue to feel worse and worse. The downward spiral becomes overwhelming. And by the time we believe that maybe we do need help, our brain convinces us that it’s too late; that therapy won’t help.
 
Eventually, we wind up in a place of extreme exhaustion and hopelessness. This may continue to play out in sarcasm, or it may play out in anger, or depression, or something else. However it plays out, we start to feel like things will never improve. Once the brain starts this line of thinking, it is hard to get out of. The train of “and then” or “what if” can get completely out of hand.
 
The truth is, it is completely normal for this to happen. When we are stressed, the very primitive part of our brain responsible for survival called the Amygdala, gets activated. The sole purpose of the Amygdala is to keep us alive. It acts like a smoke detector – it does not care of you burned the bread or if the house is burning down; it just sets off the alarm. The Amygdala does not care if you are truly in danger or not, it sets off the signal in case you are in danger – THEN it communicates with the Hippocampus which has surveyed the environment and determined you are not in danger. But, like the smoke detector, the alarm has already been set off. Once the Amgydala activates, the “survival” train takes over. You no longer think logically and you no longer think of the “good” – survival is only needed in times of “bad.” It is completely normal for negative thinking to get out of hand at this point.
 
Although it is normal for this to happen and although it is true that you may be feeling pretty hopeless that therapy can help, all you need to do is learn a few tricks to convince yourself therapy is worth trying; not convince yourself that therapy will work. Once you convince yourself that therapy is worth trying, it is entirely possible to find the right therapist who will help you feel like yourself again.
 
Keep reading to learn how to start making changes to convince yourself that therapy is worth trying today
 
RIGHT NOW YOU ARE FEELING HOPELESS, HELPLESS, AND UNSURE OF THE FUTURE
 
Quite honestly, the biggest downside to not overcoming the downward emotional spiral is the potential for suicide. You may be thinking “I’d never do that” but I promise you that most first responders who commit suicide did not think they would ever get to that point in their lives either.
 
But, let’s back it up some. At the very least, if you don’t work through your feelings and thoughts about therapy and do not come to therapy, you will find yourself no better off than you are now. Can you imagine what life would be like for you if you felt this way for the next 10, 20, 30 years or more? Think about it, where you are today did not happen over night. It got worse over time, right? So logic would tell you that if you are feeling this way now, it is likely to only get worse. Can you imagine feeling worse than you are 10 years from now…and worse than that 20 years from now? And worse yet 30 years from now?
 
Living with this downward spiral all because you have convinced yourself therapy won’t help you is literally making it worse. What if you ignored someone’s injury which is clearly life threatening? What if you said to them “you’re ok. I’m just going to go over here and not pay any attention to you.” They may literally die, right? So you may not physically die from your emotional upheaval, however, your body and brain work together. If your brain thinks you are in danger, it sends the signal to the body to stop all functions that are not needed for survival. When that happens, people end up with digestive problems, heart problems, high blood pressure, headaches, fatigue, and a whole host of other physical problems.
 
THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. YOU CAN AND YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN
 
Although you currently struggle with the belief that therapy won’t help, you have the potential to get your life back. You have the potential to get yourself back. You have the potential to get your health back. When we choose to try something even if we don’t have 100% conviction in, there is a real possibility for improvement. Even if you don’t believe it.
 
Right now you have the opportunity to try something and possibly get everything back that you are losing. You also have the opportunity to do nothing and let this downward spiral continue. What’s the worst that will happen if you convince yourself to go to therapy? The worst that will happen is nothing changes and you’re where you are now. What’s the best that will happen? You’ll feel like yourself again.
 
YOU DON’T HAVE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THERAPY WILL WORK. YOU JUST HAVE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF TO BE OPEN TO TRYING
 
Yes it’s true you’re feeling confused about therapy. Yes it’s true you may be thinking it won’t work; nothing will help. However, as I said above, what’s the worst that will happen if you go to therapy? The key is my heading above. You do not have to convince yourself that therapy will work. You just have to convince yourself to be open to trying.
 
Making this change is not as difficult as you may think. There are a few things for you to think about and work on honestly with yourself. You don’t even have to tell anyone that you are doing this. You don’t have to share your thoughts with anyone at this point. When you follow a few simple steps, you will start to see that maybe the risk is worth it. Maybe you are worth it.
 
Take a look at these next steps to see how you can start working on convincing yourself to give therapy a try
 
One of the biggest reasons you struggle with not going to therapy is because of your thinking. “It’s not going to work.” “Others have tried it and don’t feel better.” “I shouldn’t need therapy.” “I’ve tried it before.” It makes complete sense that you’re feeling hopeless. Our thoughts guide our emotions. Do you remember The Little Engine that Could? “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” His attitude and thought process helped him get where he was going. If we think positively, we feel good. If we think negatively, we feel bad. Our thoughts are so incredibly powerful.
 
The first step I want you to take, right now is: Identify your thoughts about therapy. What is your reason for not believing it will help you? Write those thoughts down.
 
Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, I help my clients narrow down what their negative thoughts are. Often they don’t know at first “It just won’t work.” Other times they know “I shouldn’t need therapy.” Either way, once you clarify what the thought is, you can start to not only understand the reasons behind not going, but you can start to challenge those reasons. This leads me to step 2.
 
Next, I want you to challenge each of those thoughts. Something as simple as “Is it possible…” “Is it possible it will work this time?” “Is it possible my experience will be different that John’s?”
 
Remember how powerful thoughts are? Together with my clients I help them challenge negative thinking; reframing their thoughts to something more positive. “Is it possible this will work” actually puts hope into the brain. It changes the feeling from hopeless to neutral. We are not trying to convince ourselves that it WILL work; we are trying to convince ourselves that it MAY work; that there is a POSSIBILITY it will work.
 
When you schedule a session with me, we will work on overcoming your hesitations which will help you begin to notice a shift in your emotions. You will start to see a shift in the way you think and feel about this and other situations. It starts a train of possibilities.
 
After you challenge these thoughts, my last step for you is to do some research. There are a ton of therapists out there, each with different approaches. Maybe one approach didn’t work for you. Or maybe one person’s personality didn’t jive with you. See who else is out there. I have a client who is in his early 70s and has been seeing therapists for years. He always saw men his age because they “understood” him better. Then he came to me. A female much younger than him. He has told me several times that he has gotten more help from me and has moved forward in improving himself more with me than with every male therapist he ever saw. All this means is one type of person might work better than another for you.
 
One thing I know for sure is that changing our beliefs is incredibly difficult. When we truly believe something, it is often very difficult to change that belief. There are no quick fixes, but therapy does work and achieving the feelings of control and stability that you so desire is possible. You absolutely can feel like your old self again. Schedule a session today. It is time to get on the road to feeling like yourself again. It is not only possible, but likely to change your beliefs and your life with Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC as I specialize in working with first responders just like you.

Most therapists worry that a client will commit suicide. Many therapists have had this happen to them already. When this happens, we second guess ourselves and our care of the client. Many therapists start wondering what they could have done different. What they didn’t see. What they did wrong. Whereas it is good to review the case and determine whether there was something missed, it is not helpful to dwell on it long afterward. But many of us do.
 
Unfortunately, when we struggle to move forward in our careers and lives after a client suicide, it affects our professional and personal lives. We bring the stress and feelings home. We notice changes in our relationships with our other clients as well as with our families and friends. We may even second guess what other people think about us.
 
The downsides to this include starting to feel like a failure, feeling burnt out, feeling incapable, feeling like a disappointment, or sometimes like a fraud. When these feelings start to surface, it is hard to think of much else. These feelings start to consume us (thank you Limbic System of the brain). When these feelings start to overwhelm us, we start to behave differently. Just like when you’re happy and sad you behave differently.
 
Not only does living life feeling like a failure and incapable affect our emotional wellbeing and our relationships, but it affects our bodies. The body and brain work together. When one isn’t working optimally, the part notices and joins in. Misery loves company? So when the brain says something is wrong, the body goes into sympathetic dominance causing all of the bodily functions that are not needed for immediate survival to shut down. Having this happen ongoing is a frequent cause of high blood pressure, ulcers, gastrointestinal distress, headaches, fatigue, and heart problems.
 
Judy had a client who seemed to be improving. The client seemed to be in a much better place and therapy seemed to be working well. Then Judy got the call. Her client had killed herself. All sorts of thoughts ran through her mind. She struggled to wrap her head around it. She felt scared. She went through her case notes over and over trying to figure out what she missed. She felt absolutely horrible. She couldn’t figure it out. But she must have missed something.
 
Unfortunately, as she looked and looked, she still did not find anything that gave her a clue as to this possibly happening. She felt like a failure. She must have missed it. She must not have asked the right questions. Or missed a signal from the client. Or…or…or… Unfortunately, all this did was make her feel worse about herself. Her feelings of being a failure increased with each passing day.
 
Eventually she wound up in a place where she was just not present for her clients. She just couldn’t do the job anymore. It was too stressful wondering if any of her other clients would kill themselves. Did they know she was the therapist for the person that just killed themselves? Was she actually helping people? She was spiraling down and struggling to keep afloat.
 
The truth is, what Judy was feeling was completely normal. We get into this field to help people. When someone kills themselves, we feel strongly about it. We were very invested in them and in their lives. It is completely normal to feel horrible, or even like a failure (although this isn’t what I want you to feel).
 
This is a very scary situation to have happen and it impacts many areas of your life. However, when we see others overcome something similar, it often inspires us to make the changes we need to achieve confidence in ourselves. When we take similar steps, it is entirely possible to bounce back and continue the wonderful work we do.
 
YOU ARE FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. UNSURE OF YOURSELF. UNSURE OF YOUR CHOICE OF CAREER. YOUR PERSONAL LIFE IS FALLING APART AT THE SAME TIME INCREASING YOUR FEELING LIKE A FAILURE
 
Before scheduling a session with me, Judy’s life was in shambles. She struggled to keep up with the daily grind of life at home and at work. She missed paying some bills (her mind was elsewhere and honestly forgot). She wasn’t paying attention to her health as much. She liked to be in bed and sleep away her stress. She ignored others when they told her she was just not acting like herself. Judy often found herself feeling depressed, hopeless, and like a failure.
 
Living this way impacted Judy’s ability to function at work and at home. Her career suffered for it, which increased her feelings of inadequacy. She “knew” at this point that the client’s suicide was not her fault. However, she still couldn’t get herself to believe deep down that she did all she could for this client…that she didn’t miss something.
 
Judy’s marriage was suffering also. Her husband didn’t know how to help her and was getting frustrated at her change in behavior and slipping up on small things such as paying bills. The more frustrated he got, the more fuel was added to her feelings of inadequacy and failure. Judy couldn’t bring herself to go out and do the things she enjoyed. What if someone asked her about it? What if someone asked her if she was ok? How should she even respond to that? Her friends and husband kept trying. They did not give up on her, but Judy continued to struggle with this.
 
Right before Judy scheduled a session, she had an ah-ha moment. Due to the support of loved ones, Judy finally realized she needed help. She was falling apart and was not able to pull herself together on her own. She knew it was ok to ask for help and made that first call. When she realized that she was so far gone and needed professional help to come back, she felt a mixture of emotions. She still felt like a failure…how did she let her life get this far down? But she also felt overwhelmed and scared. Would the therapist judge her? Judy knew she had to schedule the session despite all the mixed up feelings she was having. She had to schedule the session BECAUSE of all the mixed up feelings she was having.
 
When Judy presented to her first session, she expressed concern and fear. She wasn’t sure she wanted to share the exact trauma that precipitated this downfall. I did not push her to tell me, but instead explored with her where her feelings came from…when they actually started. Often an incident that has a huge impact like this has the roots of the feelings at a younger age. So we explored other times in Judy’s life that she felt like a failure. By the time Judy left that first session, she felt confident that she could come back and continue to work on her feelings and beliefs about herself and the world.
 
As we continued therapy, Judy realized that her feelings of inadequacy stemmed from childhood and we created a treatment plan to address those feelings. I still did not push her to tell me anything that she did not want to share, even from childhood, which increased her confidence in working through the feelings.
 
JUDY IS NOW THRIVING AND CONFIDENT IN HERSELF AND IN HER WORK
 
When Judy and I sat down to work together, she felt very broken. She wasn’t sure if I would understand or would be able to help her. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to share what happened. We worked together slowly to raise her confidence in the process and not scare her away.
 
We discussed the core beliefs that led to the feelings of inadequacy and feeling like a failure. We discussed where these core beliefs came from, why they are so hard to let go of, and why they create such an impact on situations that occur today. I explained how these core beliefs interact with the Limbic System of the brain and how that in turn brings the body into fight/flight. We clarified the impact fight/flight has on the body and brain, why it activates, and why it is so hard to turn off.
 
As Judy learned more about how the body and brain work together and why certain things happen in the brain, she started to feel more “normal.” She started to realize she was not a failure and that she was a competent therapist. We identified ways to measure improvement and Judy stated she would know things are getting better because she will not take naps on weekend days and will be getting out for a walk at least twice per week.
 
When I practice with clients like Judy, who have experienced something incredibly traumatic and have negative core beliefs about themselves surrounding the trauma, I like to use a model of therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). EMDR is a research backed and evidenced based model that can help people make strong, intrusive memories just a regular memory without the intense impact. It does not make the memory go away, nor does it change anything factual (if you truly had fault in something, it would not make you think you did not). EMDR is an amazing technique which can help clients regain power and control over themselves and their minds by de-linking the memory with the Limbic System in the brain.
 
After just a few sessions of EMDR, it was obvious that Judy was starting to feel better. She came to session with more pep, she spoke of more positive things going on in her life, and she smiled more. Judy also noticed improvement in her sleep habits and eating patterns. She finally told me of her client’s suicide and stated that this was the first time she said it out loud without breaking down. She stated that she is going out with her friends more again and that her husband has stated that he sees an improvement in her.
 
Judy came to session one day and stated that she was ready to end therapy. She stated that she has increased her caseload again and is feeling confident in herself. She stated that her relationships are going well and her life/work balance has improved. We created a plan to address any further negative core beliefs that may pop up to nip their intrusion on her life. By our final session, Judy felt like her old self again.
 
EVERYONE WILL HAVE A DIFFERENT RESPONSE TO THERAPY, BUT AS A COUNSELOR, YOU KNOW JUST HOW HELPFUL THERAPY CAN BE. DON’T LET FEAR GET IN YOUR WAY OF IMPROVING YOURSELF AND LETTING GO OF SELF-DOUBT, FEELINGS OF BEING A FAILURE OR INCOMPETENT.
 
Although you struggle with feelings of self-doubt, failure, and lack of confidence, you have the potential to regain your confidence and be the counselor you know you are. When something traumatic happens (or just life happens – we all know that working with people all day can become draining), it doesn’t have to mean the end of your career. You came to this field for a reason. Let’s make sure that passion stays alive.
 
Now that you’ve seen what is possible for Judy, let this stand as a beacon for you to know that it is possible for you to also feel more confident in yourself and let go of those feelings of being a failure. You have the opportunity to be the encouraged and excited therapist you were before the impact of your client’s lives got to you.
 
Achieving confidence may take time. There are many factors to consider when determining how long it will take before you feel better. However, when you take this journey one day at a time, gaining confidence can be empowering. You absolutely can get yourself back. Meg Young, LCSW specializes in our Critical Care Givers, including therapists just like you, move from internal turmoil to internal control thus gaining their lives and careers back. Call me today 941-462-4807 to schedule your appointment! You are worth it.

A professor I had in my graduate program said to the class one day “You know what MSW stands for, right? Must Save World.” Whereas we all thought this was pretty funny, there is a subtle truth to it. We come to do our passion because we want to help others who are struggling. This may be because we’ve come through adversity ourselves, or it may be that we come from a family of helpers, or it may be for a completely different reason. But none of us come to this field in order to get jaded and burnt out.
 
When we live our lives with the motto of Must Save World, we set ourselves up for burnout. It affects our lives in numerous ways. We feel it emotionally and physically. It affects many aspects of our lives including sleep, nutrition, and relationships. It makes us look at the world differently and even start to question why we are in this profession to begin with.
 
One of the biggest downsides to this is the world needs you as a counselor. You came to this field for a reason and that reason did and will make a huge impact on others. But if you get burnt out, you start making mistakes, disliking what you do, not caring as much, not having patience for your clients (or others in your life). You have a passion which drives you. When you get burnt out, this fire goes out and we have one more burnt out therapist in the world.
 
It is not fair to your clients, your friends, your family, and most importantly, you that this happens. You start exhibiting signs of compassion fatigue and burn out such as apathy, sarcasm, distrust, taking more sick days, and just going through the motions of your job.
 
Do you remember when you started a new job? Maybe you were a bit apprehensive, but you were also excited. You probably said yes to more things than you should have because you had the energy, passion, and excitement. You wanted to do a good job and knew that you could do a lot. You might have even been warned not to take on too much as people will then keep asking you to do more and more. But you could do it. You were early in your career (or current position), and had the passion and spark.
 
Isn’t hindsight funny? All those warnings people gave you were true. If you take too big a bite from doing the work of a therapist, you get full quickly and lose the spunk and excitement of the job. It looses the luster. It isn’t as enjoyable anymore. Maybe you didn’t notice it right away. Maybe it started as you just feeling more tired. Or maybe you didn’t eat as well. Or maybe you didn’t feel like hanging out with the crew after work. At first it seemed like nothing. But it was just the beginning of the slope. Once you start sliding, it is hard to find the footholes to grab onto. Before you know it, you don’t enjoy your work and question whether this is the right field for you.
 
Unfortunately, if we do not grab ahold of a foothole or two on the way down, we lose another therapist to burnout. Research indicates that healthcare professionals are at a higher risk for suicide. (See this article: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3124780/).
If you find yourself in a dark place feeling burnt out, aggravated, unsure of yourself or your career choice, know that you are not alone. Many therapists face burnout every day. You are among many who are in the same boat as you. It is not a failure on you that this happened.
 
It’s true that you’re feeling tired and apathetic about much right now. However, if we can learn a step-by-step process to curb burnout before it starts (or find the foothole if it already started), we can maintain the passion we had when we first came into this field. When we make small steps using this how-to process, it is entirely possible to bring that spark back to a full fledged fire.
 
Keep reading to learn how to bring that fire back starting today
 
IS IT HARDER TO GET THE MOTIVATION TO GET UP AND GO TO WORK EVERYDAY? DO YOU FIND YOURSELF CRANKY AND TIRED WHEN YOU GET HOME?
 
This is no way to live your dream. You came to this field for a reason. You had such enthusiasm at first. Helping others is taking a toll on you and not only you, but your family and your life. We know that chronic stress leads to all sorts of medical problems such as high blood pressure, heart conditions, strokes, and more. Burnout is a chronic stress condition as well.
 
Living like this will only increase your medical bills and costs, decrease your life expectancy, and generally will not have you feeling good about yourself. It is not what you want for yourself and not what I want for you.
 
THERE IS SO MUCH TO EXPERIENCE IN LIFE. SO MANY EXCITING THINGS WE MISS OUT ON DUE TO STRESS
 
Do you remember when you were a child and managed to just barely get out of bed in time for school, but Saturday and Sunday you could get up at the crack of dawn (if you wanted)? There was something exciting about the weekends. Something to look forward to that gave you the energy to get up and go.
 
When you have a passion in life, that oomph you had as a child on Saturday morning is there in that passion. It gives you that drive and fire. With that fire, so much is possible in each and every day. You can experience life in full bloom.
There will always be difficult days. There will always be days you come home stressed, cranky and tired, but you do not have to live that way daily. There is a way to bring that oomph back to your daily passion. When we choose to implement an easy step-by-step plan to bring back our passion, it is possible to feel excited about life again. You have the opportunity to shine and bring others up from their despair.
 
RECLAIM YOUR DRIVE; GET OUT OF BURNOUT AND COMPASSION FATIGUE; ENJOY YOUR CAREER
 
Currently you are feeling pretty hopeless about your career. You see everything more negatively than you did previously. It just isn’t quite the same for you. Not only do you feel this way, but it is impacting your life, your sleep, your relationships. It is seeping into every aspect of life.
 
The key is simple. The key to bringing back your passion. To feeling excited about your job again. I say simple for a reason. I purposely did not say easy. However, before you give up on me, there’s a lot in life that isn’t easy because it is different. It takes some practice before it becomes easy. This step-by-step guide is similar. It will take some time to master, but it is a simple process.
 
Take a look at these next steps to see how you can achieve energy and passion in work again
 
The solution
 
One of the reasons you struggle with burnout, irritability, and bringing stress home is because you care about what you do. It makes sense that you’re feeling worn out. Your brain takes in the input from all of your clients daily and as the amygdala is so primitive, it does not realize the difference between your client’s stories and your own stories. The amygdala along with your imagination make your clients stories your own, just as if you are going through the stress that they are. When this happens, all of the physiological effects of stress happen in our own bodies. This is physically and emotionally draining. This may not be the only reason you may be suffering from compassion fatigue and burnout, however.
 
Step one to identifying and treating your stress:
 
Identify the root cause: Ask yourself “Why am I feeling burnt out?” Do I have any resentments? Negative feelings about work or my role? Am I overwhelmed with the amount of work? Not feeling appreciated? Etc. Then ask yourself “Why” four more times. This form of deductive reasoning can uncover the root cause – which may not be what you originally thought.
 
Here with Meg Young, LCSW, we work together to identify what the root cause is. It is just like everything else…if you only “cover up” the problem by looking at what it seems like on the surface, often the problem will return. It is not solved. Identifying the root cause will actually help solve the problem and not just temporarily make it better.
 
Step two:
 
Ask yourself: Am I taking care of myself…balancing work and leisure: Am I sleeping well? Am I eating properly? Am I exercising regularly? When was my last vacation? Am I taking time to unplug from electronics and other people?
We know just how much imbalance in our lives will create a ripple effect of imbalance throughout all parts of our lives. Returning to this basic step is very important.
 
Together with my clients, I use a balance wheel to identify the important parts of their lives. From there we identify which parts of their lives are not doing as well and help to create a plan (using the five why’s from step one if there are barriers) to increase time spent in the other important areas of life. Nobody’s balance wheel is completely balanced. We just do the best we can. It’s like surfing…stay loose and go with the waves. Staying rigid will only make you fall off the board.
 
When you identify which areas of your life are lacking and make a plan to improve those areas, it is important to understand that other areas of life will go down a bit. That is normal and ok. It is balance – one side goes up and another comes down. It’s a matter of finding the right balance of all the important aspects of your life. Once you start your plan to improve the areas of your life that aren’t going so well, you will very quickly start to see some improvement in your mood and energy.
 
Step three:
 
Practice positive thinking. You know this works. You teach your clients every day. One method of positive thinking is the PERMA model for happiness:
 
P (Positive emotion): Are you experiencing positive emotions in your life, work, family, etc? If not, how can you increase positive emotions?
E (Engagement): Engagement produces a sense of natural flow. It just works when we’re engaged in something. Do you feel engaged at work? In your leisure time? With friends and family? How can you increase engagement in these areas? Decrease distraction? Find the fun in anything?
R (Positive relationships): Do you have positive relationships in your life? Home and work? If not, how can you increase them? Find new? Change your attitude? Etc
M (Meaning): Do you feel your life and work have meaning? It is serving a greater purpose?
A (Accomplishment/achievement): If you feel you are not devoting enough time to your dreams, start now! When we have a sense of accomplishment, we feel good about ourselves.
 
Other than the PERMA model, another way to use positive thinking is to challenge the belief you can’t create the job you want in your organization. Job descriptions are not what your reality is…ever. So, keep a list of what tasks motivate and deplete you. Find small motivating tweaks throughout the day. What can you do that will make the day fun? Almost a game to play? Can you collaborate for more motivating work? What task(s) can you and a co-worker switch to make both of your days better? This last one isn’t always an option, but if it can be, definitely use it!
 
Whereas saying no is not “positive thinking,” it is holding boundaries. Holding your boundaries will help you maintain a positive outlook. It is absolutely ok to say you cannot do something. It is also ok to ask if it can be done later. Prioritize your day and keep things as manageable as possible by declining things that you realistically cannot do.
 
You teach clients about positive thinking every day. You know that the more you feed the negative thoughts, the more those negative thoughts come to the surface. The opposite is also true…the more you feed the positive thoughts, the more those come to the surface.
 
Adding positive thinking to your life will make it possible to find the excitement in your job again. It will make it possible to re-ignite that fire and passion. It will make it possible to come back from compassion fatigue and burnout.
 
Step four:
 
Reassess your goals. If you notice that you created a better work/life balance and you are still quite stressed and unhappy, it is time to reassess your goals: Ask yourself, are my work goals matching my personal and professional goals? Does my work match my personal and professional values? If work and your personal or professional goals or values don’t match, it will cause significant internal stress.
 
With my clients, I help them reassess their personal and professional goals and help them identify their work and life values. Often we find that their personal and professional goals and values are at odds. If this is the case, the next step is to identify whether there is anything that my clients can do with their current job to realign personal and professional goals and values. Sometimes people can work with their supervisors or companies to help realign personal and professional goals and values, but frequently it is not the case. If it is not the case, it is important to ask yourself if staying at that job is right for you.
 
Reassessing your goals can be a bit challenging. If you find that your job is not the right job for you, there may be several reasons to still stay at that job. It is important to understand I do not tell anyone to quit their jobs. What I do is help you come to the conclusion that is right for YOU. Even if I believe that quitting may be the best solution, I will not tell you this. It is your decision to come to (or not). If you do not want to quit, steps one through three will at least decrease the stress level some. Even if you stay at a job that your values and goals do not match those of the company, doing steps one through three will improve your life.
 
You may be feeling overwhelmed and unsure about continuing your job at this time. Meg Young, LCSW empowers and inspires counselors just like you regain and maintain their passion for the career they came to.
 
Helping you achieve happiness and passion for the job you once loved is my passion. Achieving your goals and feeling that excitement for work, coming home less stressed and more energized throughout the day will help you to feel fulfilled again. You absolutely can come back from compassion fatigue and burnout. It does not necessarily mean you have to quit your job. Call me to schedule your appointment today. I will help you regain your passion. You are worth it, your family is worth it, and this will happen for you!

Therapists have a very emotionally draining job. It takes a lot to listen to people’s difficulties all day long day after day. It takes a lot to find people the resources they need to help themselves (especially if they don’t really want the help, but are just going through the motions). It takes a lot to do the paperwork that is required by the regulatory bodies that oversee our agencies. It takes a lot to deal with co-workers and supervisors who are also burnt out.
 
And after this very stressful day, we come home and our families demand more energy from us. Whereas we love this and it feels good to be wanted and needed at home, we cannot necessarily turn our brains off when we get home which is honestly sometimes all we want to do.
 
Because we cannot turn our brains off when we get home but instead have to continue to expend energy, we may feel more depleted at the end of the night than when we got home.
 
Unfortunately, when we do not re-energize ourselves at home, it leads to starting the next day already at an increased level of stress. This affects our relationships in so many ways. It affects our family, our friends, our leisure time. It affects our work performance as well.
 
The downsides to not re-energizing each day include relationship problems as we struggle to communicate our needs with our loved ones, increased stress, compassion fatigue and burnout.
 
Not only does living life without re-energizing yourself regularly affect our relationships, we may start to think we no longer want to do this work, we may take more sick days, we may feel hopeless and jaded about the world. It is a slippery downward slope.
 
Have you seen that co-worker who seemed happy go-lucky when they started, but are now just going through the motions of the day? They seemed to love their job at first, but now their entire attitude has changed and they aren’t the same person as when they started. Or maybe that co-worker is you. Your attitude about work and life has shifted. You no longer have the energy or desire to do the work to the standards you did when you started.
 
Unfortunately, all this does is end up making you feel miserable and hurts your relationships. As I said, compassion fatigue is a slippery slope. The relational damage can be repaired or it can continue to deteriorate.
 
If you don’t do anything to repair your relationships with loved ones, you may find yourself feeling more alone. You may end up pushing your friends and family away. You may end up feeling lonely and unhappy.
 
The truth is, the work we do as therapists is incredibly rewarding, but many therapists get burnt out and their families feel the effects as well. This is not uncommon. You are not alone in feeling this way. It is ok to admit that you are feeling this way. In fact, it is vital that if you do feel this way, you admit to yourself that you are before you are unable to recover from the slope.
 
It is true that not only are you feeling tired and irritable, but your family has noticed it as well. However, there are several things that can help us recover from compassion fatigue and burnout. When we do these top 10 things regularly, it is entirely possible to regain a firm grasp on yourself and your life.
 
Keep reading for the top 10 tools for Therapists to reenergize their relationship with loved ones today
 
RIGHT NOW YOU ARE FIGHTING OR ARGUING MORE WITH YOUR SPOUSE, HAVE NO ENERGY TO DO THINGS WITH YOUR FRIENDS, AND OTHERS HAVE TOLD YOU YOU ARE ACTING DIFFERENTLY
 
This is not uncommon. One of the biggest downsides to compassion fatigue and burnout is the relationship fallout. As therapists, we understand the importance of relationships and know just how much relationships can help us through the difficult times.
 
At the very least, you find yourself dawdling and not going home as fast. You find yourself looking for excuses to not hang out with friends. All you want to do is sleep. Living this way is adding to the stress you feel at work and making you feel more drained than you already do.
 
WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE TO HAVE THE ENERGY BACK IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE TO FEEL ENJOYMENT AND COMFORT FROM FRIENDS AND LOVED ONES?
 
Although you struggle with irritability, stress, and relationship difficulties, you have the potential to bring back the fun you have in your relationships and with your loved ones. You have the ability to feel excited and look forward to doing things with others.
 
When we use these top 10 tools, there is a possibility to enjoy life and loved ones. There is a possibility of coming back from compassion fatigue or burnout. You have the opportunity to make small changes in your life (that you already know) and see a huge difference in your life today.
 
TOP 10 TOOLS FOR THERAPISTS TO RE-ENERGIZE THEIR RELATIONSHIP WITH LOVED ONES
 
Currently you may be wondering if it is even possible to get your relationships back on track. You have been going down this slope for awhile now and it seems like it is just getting worse, not better. The key to re-energizing your relationships with loved ones is to take small steps. You are not only dealing with yourself and your own stuff, but your loved ones and their own baggage. Just as you cannot throw a pebble in the pond and not make ripples, you cannot makes changes in yourself and not have ripple effect changes in others.
 
Take a look at these 10 tools to see how you can achieve your goal of getting your relationships back on track and re-energized
 
Tool 10:
– Take time for you before you go home to decompress
– This works because it gives you 10-30 minutes of time for your stress hormone (cortisol) to reabsorb in your body allowing your calm body to take control of your mind instead of your stressed body being in control of your mind
 
Tool 9:
– Get out into the sunshine every day
– Did you know there is a correlation between sunlight and our happiness? This has been researched. Sunshine (along with other tools) can be a very effective therapy.
 
Tool 8:
– Do some rocking side to side with your hands putting light pressure on your chest when feeling stressed
– The back and forth motion is calming to the body. It acts like it did when you were rocked as a baby. It is very soothing. There is also a correlation between calmness and using both sides of the brain and body. By going side to side you are activating the calming effects of using both sides of the body. Also the pressure on your chest gives you a feeling of comfort. It acts like a security blanket like when you were a kid.
 
Tool 7:
– Hang upside down when you are stressed
– Ok so this may sound like a weird one, but the blood flow to the brain actually helps you to calm the stress in your body
 
Tool 6:
– Do your self-soothing exercises (breathing, muscle relaxation, meditation, yoga, etc)
– Yup, these are what you teach and you should be doing what you preach!
 
Tool 5:
– Take time every week on a scheduled day and time to do something with your loved ones
– There is evidence that shows when we build something (going to the gym, hanging out with friends, doing chores) into our schedule, we are much more likely to follow through on it
 
Tool 4:
– Give yourself one hour a day of no screen time: No phone, no computer, no television
– This allows your brain to be less stimulated which again helps the cortisol reabsorb into the body allowing your calm body to take control of your mind
 
Tool 3:
– Take time to listen to what people say. Don’t interrupt and actually wait 5-10 seconds before responding
– Not only does this allow you to process what they are saying and give you time to come up with an answer you want to say instead of saying something emotionally, it also allows your brain to think about and understand what they are saying. This is a great communication tool.
 
Tool 2:
– Be reflective of what people say to you
– Often people see things in us before we do. We tend to make excuses for why we feel or act a certain way. But when we take time to listen to what people say about us, we may be able to catch something before it goes too downhill (into an argument, into depression, etc)
 
Tool 1:
– Gratitude
– Have and show gratitude every day. Say it out loud. Who are you grateful for and why? Tell them. Not only does this make them feel good, it changes our brain chemistry when we are looking at the positives in life.
 
These 10 tools are things you likely teach to your clients. How many of them are you actually doing yourself? Some of these tools are self-care tools. As therapists and counselors we have a responsibility to take care of ourselves first and foremost. Once we are calm from a stressful day, we can use the rest of these tools to re-energize our relationships. It is vital to take care of ourselves before trying to pull our relationships back in order.
 
Having re-energized relationships takes time, but the journey is just as important as the destination. Small daily lifestyle changes will have a huge impact. You absolutely can (and will) have the energy and excitement in your relationships that you once had. Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC specializes with people just like you who are struggling with their relationships due to the accumulated toll of their daily work. You are an inspiration to many. Let’s keep it that way!
 
Call me today to start your journey towards stability and comfort in your relationships with renewed energy and excitement. I can’t wait to talk with you! 941-462-4807