As the strong protector you are, I’m sure you’ve thought several times to yourself that you don’t need other people. You don’t need help from others. You can do it yourself. If you can’t do it, what does that say about you?
 
If this sounds like you, you are not alone. However, when we live our lives believing we do not need help or support from others, it affects us in so many ways. We are social beings and need others in one way or another throughout our lives.
 
If it’s ok to ask for help making dinner, why is it not ok to ask for emotional help? The downsides to not asking for help include spiraling further down and can ultimately lead to suicidal thoughts or actions in many people. In reality, nobody is immune to suicidal thoughts. We all have a breaking point somewhere. Without support from others, these thoughts can turn deadly.
 
Not only does not asking for help impact our own safety and wellbeing, but it affects those around us. As we are spiraling down, sometimes without even realizing that we are headed that way, others notice the changes in us. Others notice the withdrawing behaviors, the irritability, the sarcasm, the increased drinking, the increased gambling, the increased time at the gym.
 
Thankfully, but unfortunately at the same time, first responder suicides is gaining more attention. This brings to light the fact that your job is incredibly stressful and if you start feeling this way, you are not alone. You may have heard stories of other first responders who succumbed to thoughts of suicide or ended up in rehab for alcoholism, or their relationship ended in divorce.
 
At the time, you may have thought nothing of it, or you may have believed it would never happen to you. These sorts of things can’t be common. They must only happen to people who are not strong enough; people that shouldn’t have gone into the field anyway.
 
Unfortunately, all this does is distance yourself from reality even more. When we live our lives believing it could never happen to me, we tend to miss the signs and we tend to disregard what others say to us, putting ourselves in greater risk.
 
Eventually you find yourself where you never thought you’d be. You wind up in a place of confusion, caught off guard. You might even beat yourself up over it, not sure how you missed all the signs. Beating yourself up just brings you further down.
 
The truth is it is completely normal to want to be able to do it alone. It is completely normal to want to feel strong. It is completely normal to believe it cannot or will not happen to you. It is also completely normal for you to feel out of control of your mind and life.
 
It’s true that you feel cut off and ostracized, with several areas of your life impacted at this point. However, if we can grow and gather our support herd, we can both come back from this feeling of isolation and prevent a further decline in our lives. Once you have identified your support herd, it is entirely possible to pull on their strength until we can do it independently again. Support is not a one way road, your support herd will need their own support as well. As you regain your strength, you will be able to support them as well.
 
Keep reading to learn how to increase feelings of connection with yourself, your friends and family, and your life today.
 
FEELING ALONE, ISOLATED, MAYBE STARTING TO NOT TRUST PEOPLE
 
The biggest downfall to not finding a quality herd to help and support you through the worst times is that you continue to fall further down. We are social beings and need each other for support, encouragement, and help at times during our lives.
 
At the very least, you find yourself alone and sad. That sadness may show as anger, resentment, apathy, or a whole variety of other feelings. It all boils down to we need people in our lives.
 
Living without others’ help and support is isolating and damaging. It damages our self worth, relationships, and ultimately our quality of life.
 
ENGAGING IN LIFE, FAMILY, WORK, AND THE WORLD
 
Although you struggle with feelings of disconnection, you have the potential to reconnect with your family, friends, life, and the world. You have the potential to feel part of the world again and not so detached from everything.
 
When we choose to develop a quality herd, one that is quality over quantity for sure, there is a possibility for improvement in all aspects of your life.
 
You have the opportunity to become involved in life again. You will be able to see that you are a part of life, breathe the air and feel human again.
 
AS SOCIAL BEINGS, IT IS VITAL THAT WE HAVE A QUALITY HERD TO HELP US THROUGH THE DARK TIMES AS WELL AS THE NOT SO DARK TIMES. OUR HERD IS OUR SURVIVAL.
 
Yes it is true you may be feeling distant from life at this point, but it does not have to be this way forever. The key to achieving attachment to life is to find the right herd; not just anybody, but the right people.
 
Finding these people and adding them to your herd is not as difficult as you think because they are already in your life. When you follow a quick exercise, you will be able to identify those who are most suited to join your herd and support you along the darkest moments of your life.
 
Take a look at these next steps to see how you can achieve connection to yourself and the world around you with the support of your herd
 
One of the reasons you struggle with feeling so alone is because of the culture you are in. First responders are supposed to be strong and independent. You are not supposed to need help.
 
But I know you don’t do everything alone. You have partners, you have others who help you do your job and you couldn’t do it without them.
 
So why is it different with your emotional well-being? Why is it so taboo to talk about the need to take care of your own mental wellbeing?
 
It doesn’t have to stay this way when you start finding your herd; when you start using the people around you in a supportive way and allow them to call on you when they need it as well.
 
Anybody who is in the trenches with other people’s suffering is going to be impacted by that in some way. Some people will understand because they’ve been there or are there currently. Others will understand because they can only imagine what you go through.
 
You do not have to share details of anything you see and “traumatize” your friends and family in order to use them as support and strength.
 
The important thing with identifying your herd is you want quality over quantity. It doesn’t matter how many people you have as long as this crew are people you know you can trust and rely on.
 
Different people have different strengths. As you do the below exercise to identify your herd, keep this in mind. Some people may be assets to you in ways you don’t think of immediately.
 
Give yourself some quiet time to think. Grab a piece of paper and a pen because you’ll want that handy at the end of this exercise. This is an exercise I do with my clients and in session it is quite powerful. My clients identify people who are helpful to them who they hadn’t thought about in a long time.
 
When you do this exercise, you will notice that you are not alone. You will notice that there are people you can reciprocate the support to. You will notice a feeling of connection and hope.
 
Step 1: Think about everyone throughout your life who has added to your self esteem, who encouraged you, and who you felt safe and supported by.
 
This can be family, teachers, friend’s parents, coaches, etc. These people may be present currently in your life or helpful in the past but are no longer helpful to you.
 
They might be imagined people, celebrities, and those no longer alive. These are people who would not judge you and who you felt supported by.
 
Step 2: Call them in being aware of who they are, what they look like, and their names. Make this as concrete as possible, reminding yourself these are the figures you could call on when needing support in your daily life, whether for wisdom, emotional support, play, etc.
 
Step 3: Review the members of your team and ask any members who you no longer feel completely supported by or safe with to leave. Watch them leave and invite new members to take the places of those you have asked to leave.
 
Step 4: Imagine them coming forward and providing you with some words of wisdom and support. Now come back into the room and write down your herd.
 
How many people did you come up with? Remember this exercise is about quality over quantity so even if you came up with less than a handful that is ok.
 
You can repeat this exercise if you want to have different grades or types of support as well.
 
When you schedule a session with me, this is only the beginning of your reconnection with yourself, your life, and your family. This exercise, when done with my clients provides them with the knowledge and support they need to continue through the difficult parts of their journey towards healing.
 
Achieving a feeling of connection will take time. Finding your support herd can also take time. This step is so important and so powerful that many of my clients feel relief just from this exercise. When you feel reconnected it is such a powerful feeling of freedom and relief.
 
You absolutely can feel in control and stable within your life and world. This culture of strength and independence will grow to include yourself and other first responders. When this happens, I expect to see the number of first responder suicides decline.
 
You are strong. You are independent. You have what it takes. But sometimes having a bit of support will help you maintain your connection with yourself and the world. We are social beings and need to rely on others for support every now and then.
 
I specialize in first responders, medical professionals and court professionals. I specialize in helping people who see, hear, and deal with other people’s pain and suffering on a daily basis not lose connection with themselves and their lives, and if they have, to help them pull that feeling of confidence and strength back.
 
I look forward to helping you along that journey, at whatever place you are in on that journey. If you are not yet sure if therapy is for you, may I suggest that you take a look at some of my other blogs, especially 6 tips to Identifying when to seek therapy.
 
Wherever you are on your journey, I wish you the best. When you are ready to take the next step and complete your reconnection with life, call or email me. 941-462-4807 or meg@megyounglcsw.com.

How many times have you given up on your goals? Or decided that it was “too hard” and couldn’t get yourself motivated enough to reach your goals?
 
Growth requires that we push ourselves and get out of our comfort zones. However, so many times, we give up on our goals because we give into the above statements.
 
Unfortunately, because of this, we often beat ourselves up and use a lot of “should” statements.
 
The downsides to beating ourselves up and should statements are pretty clear. We feel less motivated, we don’t feel good about ourselves, we revert to old behaviors or ways, and spin our wheels.
 
Should statements are awful. “I should have done…” It doesn’t help us as we cannot change the past. Instead of motivating us for next time, we are chastising ourselves. Do you remember when you were a kid and got criticized over something that you did wrong? Maybe you did something intentionally, maybe it was an accident, and maybe you didn’t do it at all, but got blamed anyway. It didn’t feel good.
 
So why do we start criticizing ourselves as we become adults? It didn’t feel good then, but we’re ok with it now?! Should statements are all about something we no longer have control over and do not help us move forward in goals or life. Honestly, they often don’t help us do differently in a similar future situation.
 
When was the last time you gave up on a goal? At first you may have felt excited to get started on the goal. You had all the best intentions and felt confident about it. Then it was time to work on the goal. Maybe you even did it for awhile, but then it started feeling more like a chore. Or maybe you were tired and had to push yourself, but didn’t feel like it.
 
You may have pushed it for awhile, but you found yourself not liking it and unhelpful thoughts kept coming up. “Don’t do it now” “it’s not helping” “you’re not good enough” “You don’t feel like it” “it’s too cold” “You’re too tired.”
 
Unfortunately, none of these statements will help any of us stay focused on our goals. Doing something new is not easy and we tend to like the easy path.
 
Eventually you found yourself back to old behaviors and not working towards that goal anymore. You were out of your comfort zone and didn’t like it. This is so normal!
 
It’s true that these are all normal feelings and thoughts. It’s true that you are not alone. The great thing about the human spirit is we are resilient. We try again….and again… Sometimes we do the exact same thing expecting a different result, but you know what? We still tried again! When we learn just six tips to stick with when going out of our comfort zone, we are more likely to reach our goals without repeated attempts bringing us down and making is feel more hopeless about reaching our goals. When we utilize these six tips while going out of our comfort zone, it is entirely possible to reach our goals quicker and with less stress than previously attempted.
 
Keep reading for 6 tips so you can push through the discomfort and reach your goals faster
 
HAVE YOU GIVEN UP ON YOUR GOALS? TRIED AND TRIED AGAIN, BUT IT IS TOO DIFFICULT? DOES IT FEEL LIKE TOO MUCH EFFORT?
 
The biggest downfall to taking the easy path is not growing. When living things don’t grow, they start dying. When we stop growing, we start dying as well. But we are also wired to do things the easy way, thus preventing growth.
 
At the very least, you find yourself frustrated. A bit more and you find yourself hopeless. Nothing seems to be working. Nothing seems to keep you on track. It seems to be a never-ending cycle. Even when you push yourself it doesn’t feel quite as good as you were hoping.
 
Living in this cycle is tiresome. We just want to meet our goals and want to meet them with the least amount of effort. Honestly, there is so much going on day to day that when we have to think about pushing ourselves to do something we may not really want to do right now, it seems easier to just give in and say “never mind.”
 
FEELING STRONG, COMPETENT, DETERMINED, WALKING TALL, FEELING FABULOUS
 
Although you struggle, like the rest of us, with motivation and pushing ourselves outside the comfort zone, you have the potential to hack the cycle and get your goals met. You have the ability to be where you want to be in life and who you want to be in life.
 
When we choose to incorporate six tips into our goals, there is a possibility for real results. There is the possibility that you will do things and reach goals you never thought possible. There is the possibility that you will once and for all break the cycle of giving up on goals.
 
You have the opportunity to incorporate six hacks and see the reality of your goals coming to fruition. Six tips to stay on top of your goals when you are out of your comfort zone and not sure you really want to continue on this journey can mean the difference between meeting your goals and not.
 
6 TIPS TO ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS WHEN YOU ARE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
 
Yes it’s true you may be feeling hopeless; saying to yourself that you have done everything and nothing works, but people meet their goals every day. People go outside their comfort zone and take risks resulting in huge life improvements (and also small ones).
 
The key to achieving this feeling of accomplishment is to take it one step at a time. Tomorrow will come. One year from today will come. Take it one day at a time using these tips and your goals are much more likely to be realized.
 
Making these changes is not as hard as you think because some of it you already know and some of it may seem more obvious. When you already know something, it is easier to do the task. When you use these six hacks…that you already know…you can achieve something great.
 
Take a look at these six tips to see how you can get out of your comfort zone and meet your goals.
 
1. Get support from others
When you are setting goals for yourself, one of the best ways to maintain motivation to continue is to get support from others. Reach out to others. When it is hard and you don’t feel like it anymore (or just don’t feel like it today), reaching out and getting support could be the difference between continuing to reach for your goals and giving up on your goals.
 
This is so successful that support groups are founded on it. You see it in AA and other recovery groups, as well as groups such as weight watchers. Support when going out of your comfort zone is a huge factor in success for many people.
 
2. Accountability
Accountability goes along with support and reaching out. When you have someone who you can count on specifically who can hold you accountable to your goals, that is another huge factor in success.
 
Support groups such as AA use this aspect as well. Sponsors are the AA member’s accountability partner. Whereas these accountability partners are one sided, they still do the job. Similarly, when you have a gym buddy, you are more likely to go to the gym.
 
3. Keep your goal and your why in front of you at all times
Why do you want to meet this goal? Ask yourself why several times. For example, I want to get my mind out of frequent panic. Why? Because I want to make good decisions at work. Why? Because I want to protect and serve the community and my family Why? Because it truly is my calling. Keep asking yourself why until you feel the “oh yes, that is it!”
 
When you have your goal and your why in front of you, you are more likely to stick with it. When you look at your goal, but struggle with the why, many people lose focus of their goal. The why is incredibly important and highly helpful in maintaining motivation towards your goal.
 
4. Small progress is still progress
We often give up on our goals because we don’t see progress being made. We want to feel better now. We want to see results now. Don’t lose sight of progress you’ve made in any form.
 
Sometimes progress is found in ways we don’t expect. If you are not seeing results, identify whether there’s another way to measure your progress. If so, check on your progress that way.
 
When people take two steps forward and one step back, they are still one step ahead of where they were when they started. This is also important to keep in mind. Small progress is still progress. You will get there.
 
5. Motivation follows action
I’ve talked about this before. Motivation is frequently not there when you need it. Motivation follows action. You may not feel motivated to step outside your comfort zone. However, motivation follows action. Just do it. You’ll feel good about yourself once you do it.
 
It is important not to get bogged down with motivation. When we are stressed out, our body is putting so much energy into “survival” that we have little energy left for motivation. It will not be easy to step out of your comfort zone and waiting to become motivated may take a long time.
 
6. Don’t go so far out of your comfort zone that you give up
This is a very important tip. I often talk to my clients about this with the metaphor of exercise. If you can do 50 situps easily, but then decide to do 100, you may have just stepped so far out of your comfort zone that you give up. You feel very sore and are very unhappy with that decision and decide not to do it again.
 
It is important to take reasonable steps when going outside your comfort zone. Not going out at all will prevent growth and going too far out will cause many to want to give up. There is a balance there somewhere of how far out of your comfort is optimal. Everyone is different so I cannot say how far to push yourself.
 
When you schedule a session with Meg Young, LCSW, we will go over what your why is with your goal, help you find the real reason you want to meet this goal, then help you identify your herd (your support network), any accountability partners, which often includes me, and help you identify how far to go out of your comfort zone.
 
Achieving your goals when going out of your comfort zone is a thrilling feeling. You absolutely can reach your goals and it does not have to be that difficult. It is always a journey, but sometimes the journey is not as hard as it seems at first.
 
Meg Young, LCSW, focuses on education and encouragement to help you meet your goals in the fastest way possible. We work together to get you out of your comfort zone and into a new and better emotional and behavioral place.
 
Take a look at my youtube page which will provide you with additional tips, tricks and advice as well as other blogs to get an idea of who I am. Then give me a call to schedule your appointment. I specialize in moving first responders, medical professionals and court professionals from internal chaos to internal control both online and in person. I can be reached at 941-462-4807 or feel free to email as well at meg@megyounglcsw.com. Choose strength! I look forward to talking with you.

Therapy isn’t for you, is it? Therapy is for people who can’t do it on their own. People who are sick. People who are “tapped”, “crazy”, “nuts”, “psycho”, and “loony”. Or maybe you don’t stigmatize therapy, but you just don’t think it is right for you. Maybe if you dig deep enough you do feel some stigma walking into a therapist’s office. Whatever the reason, you have decided therapy is not for you.
 
Unfortunately, by denying that you may need more than you can do on your own, you are setting yourself up for a potential worsening cycle.
 
You may notice your own spiral down, or you may notice changes in others such as your kids. Children are very perceptive, but they lack awareness. They know something isn’t right, but they don’t know what and often just react to the change without the understanding behind their behaviors or the situation.
 
Not only does living life believing therapy isn’t for you impacting you and your family, but it has ripple effects across everyone you are in contact with every day. As you change, those around you change.
 
Several years back when superhero movies were getting big, I remember a television show called, I believe, “Superhuman.” Don’t quote me on that. I only saw one episode, and of that I only saw the end of the episode. However, despite not seeing most of it and it being years ago, it stuck with me.
 
In this episode, a man with no legs decided he was going to climb a mountain…I don’t remember which. This was a very steep mountain and he trained for a long time. He used an arm bike to get up the mountain and had people with him who would “help” him by putting boards down making it easier to get across difficult terrain. However, they were not allowed to actually do anything to help him. They could not pull him, push him, or aid him in any physical manner.
 
This man made it so close to the top (I don’t recall exactly how close) before he lost steam and couldn’t get that last part. He asked his comrades to help. They tied a rope to his bike and pulled while he continued to use his arms to get up the mountain. He made it to the top. In the interview afterward, he said he was so determined to do this alone, but it’s ok to ask for help. Sometimes you just have to have help to meet your goals. He did not regret asking for help and said that he learned a valuable lesson by asking for and accepting help at that time.
 
I wonder if you can relate to this story. You may be trying so very hard, and pushing against needing help, but what if it’s time? What if now is when you could meet your goals if you just asked for help?
 
Without asking for help, you will wind up deeper and deeper in a hole. You can only fight against the stress in the brain for so long before it takes control of you.
 
The truth is we all need help in our lives. Maybe we ask a friend for advice on choosing the right car. Maybe we ask our parent for help with childcare. Maybe we turn to youtube to do a DIY project. Many people struggle with whether or not they need therapy. As they struggle with this question, they find themselves continuing to struggle in their lives.
 
Right now you are questioning whether you need therapy. You are feeling more out of control than you want to admit. However, if we can identify six key points, we may understand that now is the time we need to ask for someone to aid us in getting up that mountain. When we make the decision to go to therapy, it is entirely possible to meet our goals so much faster than if we continue to fight against it.
 
Keep reading for six tips so you can make an educated decision and start feeling better today.
 
THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, THE MIND THAT WILL NOT TURN OFF, THE FIGHTS WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, THE REGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS OF YOUR CHILDREN – YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH!
 
The biggest downside to not being willing to seek the help of a therapist is not feeling better. You don’t like how life is going now, but you’ll turn to every website out there trying to fix it yourself. Nothing’s worked.
 
At the very least, you find yourself tired and irritable. You try to push it aside, you try to deny it. But it doesn’t seem to be working; you’re still tired and irritable.
 
Living with the feelings of dread and exhaustion is making you feel more tired and more stressed. It’s an annoying spiral that you don’t feel any relief from.
 
YOU CANNOT CHANGE WITHOUT OTHERS AROUND YOU CHANGING. THE FIGHTS WITH YOUR SIGNFIICANT OTHER CAN DECREASE OR END COMPLETELY, YOUR CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOR CAN IMPROVE, YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT AND YOU CAN GAIN CONTROL OVER YOUR OUT OF CONTROL MIND.
 
Although you struggle with the belief you can do this yourself, while wondering if that is really true, you have the potential to feel better. You can keep doing what you’ve been doing and get the same results, or do something different.
 
When we choose to do something different, there is a possibility for a different outcome, including feeling in control of ourselves, our minds, and our lives. You have the opportunity to get your life back quicker than you know.
 
Yes it’s true you may be feeling conflicted right now, but when you understand that nothing is wrong with you and we all need some help throughout our lives, you have the potential to pass this knowledge on to others and feel more confident yourself.
 
The key to achieving this is to recognize that everyone needs help some times during their lives. Deciding to accept help is not a failure and not a weakness.
 
Take a look at these 6 tips to see whether it is time for you to seek therapy for yourself
 
1. You’ve had enough
This seems like it would be an obvious one, but it’s not always that obvious. There is no concrete way to know that we have had enough. It is just a feeling that we get. Sometimes the feelings of being burnt out and cynical about everything can overshadow even the most obvious signs.
 
Take a look at your world right now. What is going well? What isn’t? What have you done to try and change what isn’t going well? Sit with your feelings for just a moment, because I know this will not be easy – are you tired? Angry? Fed up? Frustrated? Hopeless?
 
When you take a look at where you are right now and how you are feeling you might get this nagging notion that enough’s enough. But then what do you do about it? The first thought may be “don’t go to therapy” – and I’m not saying you should. I’m saying this is one indicator that therapy may be helpful.
 
2. It is impacting your home life
How is your relationship with your significant other? How about with your friends? How about with your family – parents, siblings, etc? Have you stopped hanging out with them as much? Do you worry about them more? Are you more protective over them than you used to be? Are you more sarcastic with them?
 
Taking a look at what has changed at home is another good indicator as to whether therapy could be beneficial. Your behaviors will eventually have an impact on those you love. Even if it hasn’t yet. As you change, so will they.
 
3. Nothing you’ve tried is working
How much have you looked up online trying to make it all better? The internet is a wealth of resources. There is so much information out there and honestly, a great deal of it is appropriate and helpful when it comes to techniques to deal with your emotional and mental well-being.
 
Another indicator may be that even though you’ve tried everything the internet has to say, you still aren’t feeling better. You may be wondering, if all of it is appropriate, how will a therapist be any different? Therapists have a way of helping you through the roadblocks that prevented the techniques from working. When therapists go to school to get their degree, it is not just about learning these techniques that you find online. There is a lot more that a therapist will be able to help you through so the techniques will be more effective than just trying them on your own.
 
4. Others say you need therapy
This is a pretty big indicator, but also one of the biggest that we blow off. Nobody wants to hear “you’re not well.” Or “You’ve changed.” Or “You need help.” The reality of this is when someone says “you”, we tend to immediately feel defensive. It doesn’t feel good.
 
On the other side of the coin, we are able to make excuses for ourselves very easily and don’t have a very objective view of ourselves. You know those commercials about Snickers – You just aren’t yourself when you’re hungry? There is a truth to this for many people. As our blood sugar drops, we act differently. We may make an excuse about our behavior saying “I was hungry when I said that” or “I had such a stressful day and deserved the drink (or two) when I got home.” These statements may be true, but they are also an indicator that we are not taking good care of ourselves. If we let ourselves get so hungry we yell at others, or so stressed out that we drink more, we probably need to do better with self care.
 
Others will often notice that these “excuses” have been more frequent and therefore likely not actually true reasons for while we are acting that way. They can look at us from an objective viewpoint. It is very helpful to listen to what others say and not just dismiss it. Just because you hear them out does not mean you have to agree with them or do what they say.
 
5. It is impacting your health (heart, blood pressure, weight)
Another huge indicator that our stress management techniques aren’t working is in the body. The brain and body are well coordinated to work in conjunction. When the brain believes there is danger, it signals the body to get ready for survival. This includes sending adrenalin and cortisol into the body to give energy to the limbs. Additionally, the heart rate increases and blood pressure increases. When the brain believes there’s danger time and time again, the mechanics of the brain figure that staying in a constant state of awareness will be better for survival. So, adrenalin and cortisol are constantly kicked out into the system. The most common ongoing physiological response to constant adrenalin and cortisol release is the blood pressure staying elevated.
 
If you have been doing everything you see on line that should be helping, but your most recent physical indicated you have high blood pressure, weight changes, or other physical ailments, it may be time to think about getting additional support from a therapist to decrease the physiological responses the body is having.
 
6. Your children’s behaviors have regressed
As I mentioned above, your behaviors will impact others. You cannot throw a rock in the pond and not have ripple effects. Our children are very perceptive and will know that something is different or isn’t right, even if they don’t know how to express it or don’t recognize it at a conscious level.
 
Have you noticed that your children regressed to behaviors they’ve already overcome? Bed wetting, temper tantrums, etc? Or maybe you’ve noticed that they’ve become more clingy – refusing to go to bed, not wanting to be left alone. Or maybe their school performance has dropped. There are a million behavior changes that could happen and no one child will react exactly the same as others.
 
Have a conversation with your spouse and with others who interact with your children – teachers, coaches, friends parents, etc. What have they noticed? When did this behavior change start? What can you do to help your children in this case? Somethings you’ll be able to do alone, but other things you may find that therapy for yourself or them may be helpful in helping them cope with life stressors and changes.
 
Knowing when you should seek therapy is a personal decision. Everyone has their own needs and own things going on. When you take a look at these six tips and notice that you meet one or more of them, it may be time to consider getting the additional support of a therapist.
 
There is nothing wrong with you if you seek therapy. This is actually a sign of strength as you know your limits. You don’t lift three times more than you know you safely can; you ask for help. Attending therapy is exactly the same. We can only go so far on our own before needing the support of other people. Knowing your limits will help you maintain safety and stability in life.
 
You absolutely can get yourself back to where you want to be in life. You absolutely can feel better, stronger, calmer, and more stable. Meg Young, LCSW can help you get there, even if I am not the right therapist for you. Just by reaching out to me, I can point you in a direction that will help you get your needs met. I have helped many people just like you obtain the freedom from unhelpful feelings and thoughts and obtaining the life they so much desired to get back.
 
If you haven’t already read my blog outlining the top five things to think about when choosing a therapist, check it out here! It is a great followup to this blog.
I hope you choose strength today and give me a call to schedule an appointment. 941-462-4807.

Just like so many first responders, “Joanna” has been on several calls, some of which she believed she should have and could have done more for. The more calls you go on that you believe this about yourself, the more feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem come in. You start beating yourself up over all the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.”
 
The obvious problem with living life with shoulda, coulda, woulda is we cannot change the past. The maybe not so obvious problem with living life this way is the compounding emotional struggles we feel from it. It affects our belief in ourselves as well as in our work.
 
Some of the downsides include low self esteem, second guessing everything you do, and worthlessness. These are awful feelings that can get in the way of the good work you do.
 
Not only does living life with the shoulda, coulda, woulda affect our emotional state, but it also affects our behaviors and actions. When we second guess ourselves, we don’t act quickly. Emotion gets in the way of objectivity. When that emotion is due to our feelings about our own worth, it hugely impacts our actions at work, but also at home.
 
A recent client of mine, “Joanna,” went on a call to a housefire. In the house was an occupant who was asleep on the bed as well as a couple scared animals. This was not the first call she’d been on where her team had to get people and animals to safety. The occupant was not well off by the time the fire department got to the house.
 
At the time, Joanna and her team battled the blaze, got the animals and occupant out of the house, and sent the occupant on his way to the hospital. She continued to do what she needed at the scene. She did not allow herself to think about the occupant or animals, and just focused on the task at hand.
 
After the blaze was extinguished and she and her team left the scene, the image of the occupant came flooding back to her. She wondered how he was, whether the doctors would be able to do anything for him, what his family would be going through and felt very sad for him and his family.
 
She then started thinking about her own family. How did he get so burnt without realizing it? Was he intoxicated? What would happen if someone in her own family was not able to get out of the house, or didn’t realize that the house was on fire until it was too late. How would she get through that?
 
Then her mind went to is there anything I could have done differently? Unfortunately, as her mind was racing around all the things that happened, all the possibilities, all the what if’s, all the unanswered questions, and everything else, she started feeling worse and worse.
 
Eventually she wound up feeling very sad and wondering if this career really is for her. Every call she’d been on where someone’s life had been turned upside down (yup, that would be the vast majority), kept reverberating in her mind. She didn’t know who to talk to about it. Her self esteem dropped. Feelings of worthlessness set in. She ended up in a very depressed state of mind.
 
Joanna is not alone in this. It is completely normal for first responders to start to feel worthless, for your self esteem to drop, for you to keep replaying the calls you’ve been on and wonder if you are ok.
 
It is ok to feel this way. You are normal and you are not crazy. There are a good number of first responders who are starting to realize this and starting to seek out help from a therapist.
 
It is true that you are feeling worthless and your self esteem has dropped. However, when we see others overcome something similar, it can inspire us to make the changes we need to achieve a feeling of competence over ourselves and our lives. When we take similar steps, it is entirely possible to love your career as much as you did when you started and to not let the accumulation of stress from what you see and deal with on a daily basis impact your feelings about yourself, your career, or your life.
 
Keep reading to see how one firefighter started seeing herself as a competent member of her department again
 
JOANNA’S LIFE WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE UNMANAGEABLE AS SHE WAS FEELING MORE WORTHLESS EACH DAY
 
Before scheduling a session, Joanna was starting to feel crazy. She knew she was good at her job, but was starting to second guess herself with everything. She started thinking she couldn’t do anything right anymore and even felt worthless at home.
 
She often found herself feeling down about herself, her career, and her life in general. The feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem seemed to worsen each day, no matter what she told herself.
 
Living this way impacted her ability to act rationally at times. It impacted her ability to act quickly on the job. It impacted her self-care routine at home. Her nutritional intake changed; time spent at the gym changed.
 
Joanna found herself not hanging out with those she cared about as much. She didn’t feel like she had anything to offer to the relationships anymore. She just didn’t feel like herself, which increased her feelings of worthlessness.
 
Right before scheduling a session, Joanna’s coworker shared with her that she has noticed the change in Joanna. She thought Joanna may need counseling. Joanna blew it off with her co-worker, but when she went home, she did some research online. She found that she was not alone in these feelings and decided maybe she could benefit from a few therapy sessions.
 
When her co-worker told her she thought Joanna needed therapy, Joanna was defensive and upset about this internally. She thought she was hiding it pretty well from others. She thought she acted normal at work.
 
Joanna decided to schedule a session because if her co-worker noticed how she was feeling, then others would as well. What would they think of her? Would they think she is not capable of doing her job? According to what she found online, therapy could help her feel better and get a sense of happiness and control back.
 
When Joanna presented to therapy, she expressed her mixed feelings about therapy. She wasn’t convinced therapy would help, but she was willing to give it a try. She needed to do something at this point.
 
Together in the first session, we explored Joanna’s fears and reservations about therapy. She shared her hopes, but also her skepticism that therapy would actually do what it claimed. She thought she was too far gone. She read a bunch on line, but part of her still thought that was just high claims, but not truth.
 
By the time Joanna left the session, she felt more confident and willing to give it a full try. She reported her skepticism was still there, but she would put in all the effort needed because if this really would work, she realized she would need to do some work on her own.
 
As we continued therapy, Joanna came to realize the feelings of low self esteem and worthlessness she felt were due to the accumulated experiences from work. We created a treatment plan to address the daily stress and allowing the brain to let go of instead of hold onto the calls she went on.
 
By the time she left session, she felt a sense of hope. She wasn’t yet sure whether it would work, but she felt a sense of hope and encouragement. She was ready to start the process.
 
JOANNA’S JOURNEY TO CONFIDENCE AND A RENEWED SENSE OF PRIDE IN HERSELF AND HER WORK
 
When Joanna and I sat down to work together, she wasn’t sure what therapy would be like. She wasn’t sure what she needed to do, or how much she would need to share. She wasn’t too keen on sharing the details of her experiences, either.
 
We often discussed the bodily mechanics of what was happening in her brain and body due to her work experiences. We discussed the effects this has on her and how normal it all is. There was a lot of education on the role of the stress response and how to settle the stress response.
 
Joanna attended therapy weekly and started to feel more trust in the therapeutic relationship and more confidence that I understood what she was going through. As she started to feel this increased trust, she started to feel more confident that therapy may actually help her.
 
Joanna and I came up with a treatment plan to address her concerns and what she wanted by the end of treatment. We outlined a way to measure improvement and identified how she would know she is feeling better. We discussed how we would work through the details of the experiences she did not want to share and still help her move past those experiences.
 
When I practice with clients like Joanna, I often use a technique called EMDR. EMDR, also known as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, has been studied and is shown effective in many studies. The VA and several other national organizations use EMDR as a modality of treatment to help their clients with PTSD.
 
I like EMDR with my clients who suffer from racing thoughts, intrusive memories, and other symptoms due to trauma, including seeing other people’s trauma, because it gets to all aspects of the memories including smell, which is one of our strongest memory recall senses, and body sensations. Because it gets to all aspects of the trauma, it tends to have quicker results.
 
Furthermore, with EMDR, you do not have to share anything you do not want to. Traditional trauma therapy requires you to share the details of the event(s) with the therapist so you and the therapist can work through the thoughts. However, with EMDR, your brain will do the healing and you do not need to share with me anything you do not want to. This is a huge benefit to my first responders who often cannot outwardly say some of the things they’ve been witness to.
 
Another benefit of EMDR is you do not need to go through each and every incident. Each call you go on are slightly different (and sometimes very different) and traditional therapy modalities will only work on one incident at a time. With EMDR, you start with the worst part of what is bothering you and we work on that until there is something else which is the “worst part,” then we work on that. In other words, we work on all incidences together.
 
After several weeks of therapy, it was obvious Joanna was feeling better. She reported feeling stronger and more in control. Her appearance in session changed. I was able to see the confidence in her grow and she also noticed this. She reported improved sleep and less racing thoughts. When we dug into it, she identified a few examples of not second guessing herself, which was a huge improvement and made her feel more confident in herself.
 
Joanna reported her humor had returned and noticed a change in her attitude with her co-workers. She reported a couple of her co-workers mentioned the change to her and she told them about EMDR. She informed me that she believed this therapy was a life saver for her and she had only attended 6 sessions thus far.
 
Joanna knew she was ready to end therapy because she was no longer second guessing herself. She felt confident and worthwhile in her career. Her friends and family enjoyed being around her and she enjoyed being around them.
 
We completed EMDR therapy with focusing on the future. We identified a couple what if situations and worked through them. We completed a treatment plan for her continued self-care upon termination.
 
By our final session, Joanna couldn’t rave enough about EMDR. She stated this therapy was a life saver and was so happy that she decided to go through with it. She recalled how skeptical she was about therapy before beginning, how afraid she was that she’d have to share things she didn’t want to or know how to, and how unsure she was about the treatment modality as it seemed too good to be true prior to beginning.
 
NOW IT IS YOUR TURN. TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK. IT IS TIME TO GET RID OF THE RACING THOUGHTS, SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, IRRITABILITY, INABILITY TO FOCUS, SECOND GUESSING YOURSELF, AND FEELINGS OF WORTHLESSNESS.
 
Although you struggle with anxiety and feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, you have the potential to feel the excitement and passion you felt prior to the accumulation of horrific experiences you’ve dealt with on the job.
 
Now that you’ve seen what is possible for other clients, there is a possibility for you to also turn off the stress response so it does not continue to set the alarm off so many times per day. You have the potential to feel better quickly.
 
Achieving this freedom from the emotional roller coaster can be both exciting and scary. However, when you know more about what to expect, the unknowns won’t be as scary. You can read more about EMDR at my ultimate guide to EMDR.
 
You absolutely can enjoy your life and career as much as you did when you first started. It is also not going to take years of therapy. Meg Young, LCSW specializes in the unique culture of first responders and will help you reach your goals quicker than attending therapy with just anyone, similarly to going to a specialist versus a general surgeon for hand surgery.
 
Choose strength and call me today to start feeling results quickly! I look forward to hearing from you. 941-462-4807.