Nobody likes negative feelings. Feelings such as sadness, overwhelm, irritability, and fear are uncomfortable and it is natural to want to avoid discomfort. The fact is, these emotions are part of being alive and all emotions have a purpose. The problem is when the negative emotions seem to come more frequently than the positive ones. When this happens, we try even harder to avoid those feelings.
 
However, when we spend so much time trying to avoid our feelings, it will end up affecting us anyway. We can only stuff emotions for so long before the bottle overflows. We can only pretend something isn’t wrong for so long before it becomes obvious to others.
 
The snags to stuffing our emotions and pretending they don’t exist include angry outbursts, relationship problems, sleep problems, headaches, gastro-intestinal problems, and more. It is not only an emotional problem, but a physical problem and causes strain in our friendships and in our families.
 
Not only does stuffing our emotions affect our relationships and health, we start to withdraw from things we once enjoyed, we start to see only the negative sides of life, we start to feel hopeless, irritable, stressed, overwhelmed, and often we start to feel “crazy.”
 
The problem with stuffing emotions is it always seems fine to begin with. It is even easy to do at first. It seems logical and even helpful. You are able to go about your day, and enjoy your work and your family. Bit by bit things start to change, and you may not notice the small changes. You go to sleep a few minutes earlier, your clothes are just a bit tight, you miss one family activity, but due to work conflicts. Over time these small changes start making an impact on you and start happening more and more until your significant other points it out. Or maybe your children’s behavior changed. Unfortunately, you still didn’t see it as a problem and continued what you were doing.
 
At the time, it might have been easy to blow off…until now. At this point you realize that they are right; that you have changed; that you are not yourself. However, it is still easier to externalize the blame – work is very stressful right now. This or that has changed. Once xyz slows down, things will go back to normal and so will you.
 
Unfortunately, externalizing the blame and not letting yourself release the pressure is just causing more and more stress to build up. It is just making it worse. You continue to stuff the emotions and explain away the behaviors and don’t look at the root cause.
 
Eventually it caught up with you and you start looking for a solution to the tip of the iceberg. You try over the counter sleep medication, meditation, relaxation, music, no screen time before bed, but nothing is working. You found yourself in a place of utter chaos and upheaval. Nothing seems to be helpful anymore. You are willing to do just about anything to feel normal again. Maybe you went so far as to do something unethical or inappropriate already. Or maybe you’ve just thought about it. “Wouldn’t it be nice if I just…”
 
The truth is, nobody likes to feel this out of control. Nobody likes to feel the intense, ongoing, negative emotions. It completely normal to want to do something you know you “shouldn’t” or otherwise would never do. It is completely normal to have “crazy” thoughts about doing something to make the pain stop and feel normal again.
 
When the stress and chaos in your mind has become this intense, you are willing to do anything to make it go away. We are not meant to struggle with this much. Who can handle all of this? How am I supposed to do this for the rest of my life?
 
Here’s the deal. If we can learn how to take stop putting bandaids on the problem and start stitching the cut, the bleeding will stop. If we can understand why this is happening, we can prevent it from continuing. When we do just a few things every day, we can take care of the wound and stop the bleeding. It takes only a couple minutes per day to start feeling “normal” again. When you set aside just a few minutes every day, it is entirely possible to regain control of your mind and your life.
 
Keep reading for 3 tips so you can start feeling like yourself again quickly
 
WORK IS CRAZY, KIDS ARE OUT OF CONTROL, YOU’RE FORGETTING IMPORTANT DEADLINES…THIS DOES NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE
 
One of the worst parts of feeling this overwhelmed is the hopelessness that often goes along with it. The fact is the brain cannot focus on being overwhelmed and happy at the same time. Additionally, the brain is wired for survival, so if the options are happy and overwhelmed, the brain will focus overwhelm in order to help you stay alive.
 
The problem with the brain being wired for survival like this is it can take over. The overwhelm not only does not take a break, but often compounds on itself until it weighs too much. Then hopelessness often sets in. This can take the form of depression, irritability, sarcasm, lack of energy, lack of motivation, lack of desire, frustration, an “I give up” attitude, or other feelings and thoughts.
 
Living this way is exhausting. The longer an electronic device is left on, the sooner it dies. Similarly, the longer our brains are on overdrive, the sooner we get burnt out. There is so much energy usage by our brains and bodies when we are dealing with constant overwhelm.
 
CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE IS WITHIN YOUR REACH
 
Nothing goes 100% smoothly all the time, but the one thing I know for sure is when you let go of the stress and buildup of your day, your life will go more according to YOUR plan. You have the potential to bring some relief to this crazy life.
 
When we make a conscious effort to stop doing what we’ve been doing and start taking care of our needs, we find that the wound is no longer just temporarily being dealt with, but more permanently being dealt with. Although this may leave a scar on our minds, scars are just wounds that have healed. We have the possibility to live life according to our terms again.
 
You have the opportunity to make a change in your life that will make things better for you. It will take time. It will not be easy. But many of life’s worthwhile lessons take time and are difficult. One thing I know for sure about our critical care givers (first responders, medical professionals, court professionals) is you have strength many people only dream of.
 
3 TIPS TO KEEP IN MIND TO ACHIEVE CALMNESS, CONTROL, AND ORDER IN YOUR LIFE
 
Whereas you may be feeling like it is pointless to try and do anything; after all, you have tried several things to no avail, I promise there is a way back into the calm, control and order you’ve been longing for. The key to achieving this calmness and control is to not give up too soon. The brain is set to survival. Anxiety tells the brain that something is wrong, which makes the brain go on overdrive to keep you safe. We just need to convince the brain that you are safe and in control.
 
This is not as difficult as it may seem. The important thing to keep in mind is don’t give up too soon. You have been putting bandaids on for so long, it just seems like the only rational thing to do. However, as you can tell it is not working. It is time to stich it up. The techniques are relatively easy, but there is no overnight cure. Nobody likes feeling this way all the time, and I know that you want to have a quick fix. If you understand that it will take time, you will achieve the freedom you’ve been longing for.
 
Take a look at these 3 tips to keep in mind when you are ready to do just about anything to get rid of the pain and stress
 
One of the problems with anxiety and overwhelm is stated above: Your brain is set to survival. When you are anxious, it becomes stuck in survival mode and all you can think about is the issue(s) at hand. Being the brain is set to survival, it does not want to stop being anxious. It wants to protect you. It makes complete sense that it feels near impossible to stop these thoughts.
 
Instead of feeling hopeless and believing that nothing will change, try setting aside 5 minutes in the morning and 5 minutes at the end of the day thinking of 3 things you are grateful for. There is a lot of research proving when you sandwich your day with positives, it calms the stress in the brain. My clients and I figure out how to carve out this time regularly as doing new things is never easy at the beginning.
 
It doesn’t matter how small or obvious what you are grateful for is, it still interrupts the hamster wheel your brain is in at the moment. Chemical reactions happen in the brain when you think of something positive. Add smiling to this techniques and it increases the chemical reactions in the brain making the technique work even better.
 
Another very helpful technique to calming the anxious brain is to practice some quick relaxation techniques (taking 2-3 deep breaths, doing a quick full body stretch, etc) 200 times per day. It takes less than 5 seconds to do these techniques and they can be done anywhere anytime without anyone thinking anything odd about what you are doing. The more you do something, the quicker you improve.
 
We need to retrain the brain to realize everything is ok and constantly being in anxiety/overwhelm mode is not only unhelpful and unproductive, but damaging. When we get anxious, we unconsciously tense our muscles as this helps prepare us for action if we are in danger. When our muscles are frequently used like this, muscle memory takes over and the new normal for the muscles is to be tight.
 
Retraining our muscles to be relaxed takes a lot of practice. Survival is so important that the brain likes to ensure we are ready at a moment’s notice. My clients and I discuss the rationale for doing these techniques in more detail, then come up with several quick, easy techniques that they can practice 200 times per day.
 
When you practice these techniques frequently throughout the day you will start to feel different. You will notice a difference in your mind as well as in your body. Once you start to notice this change, you may be tempted to stop as things are getting better. Now is not the time! Your brain will go right back to its old behaviors. Now is the time to ingrain these new behaviors into your mind. Keep it up!
 
Finally, when you are ready to just throw in the towel and do just about anything to make this all go away, it is vital to get out of this hamster wheel through distraction. Force your thoughts in a different direction.
 
The first thing you need to do when noticing anxiety/overwhelm brain taking over is do a very quick relaxation. After that, it is time to move your thoughts to something else. The more you allow your thoughts to stay where they are, the more the brain is convinced that it needs to stay in anxiety mind.
 
I help my clients work through the barriers such as “I’ve tried this” and “It won’t work” so they are ready, willing, and able to do this distraction. It does work. This I promise.
 
The first technique here is something to do every single day as a new lifestyle. Our thoughts guide our emotions. The more positive thoughts we insert, the more positive we will feel. The second technique adds value to the first technique and should be thought of as a mantra. It is quick, easy, and important. The third technique will pull everything together and make your brain fully regain control of calmness and control.
 
Achieving this level of calm and control will take time, but it will be the best investment of your time every day. You will feel better emotionally and physically. You absolutely can get the control back that you have been longing for at this time. Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC can help as I specialize in first responders, medical professionals, and court professionals, all who deal with people’s pain every day and have unique needs to get your goals met.
 
Call me today to start gaining control back. I look forward to hearing from you!

You see the emotional and physical pain people are going through every day. As a medical professional, you may see injuries caused by one’s own doing, or inflicted by another. As a court professional, you see the injuries your clients cause other people and the broken backgrounds many of them come from. As a therapist, you also see the effects a broken background can have on a person. As a first responder, you see the emotional and physical pain people are going through in the moment they are going through it. And you all think that you are so strong; that seeing this day after day will not impact you. Or maybe you know that it can impact you, but you don’t know what to do to prevent it from burning you out. Or you just stay in denial about the whole thing. Whatever the case, you are here reading this because it has impacted you.
 
Unfortunately, at this time, seeing people’s pain day after day has taken its toll. You feel like you are going to cry at the drop of a hat. Life doesn’t seem to have the same excitement it once did. You still make plans, but you don’t enjoy following through with those plans the way you once did.
 
For awhile you were able to ignore the issues. You pushed aside the feelings, ignored the impact, made excuses for it, hoped it would just go away and pretended everything was ok. Now it’s gotten to the point where not only did it not go away, it’s gotten worse. You are not sleeping as well anymore. You are not eating as well. You have to push yourself to do just about anything, even the things you once really enjoyed. Even going to the gym feels like a chore.
 
Perhaps it came on slowly, over a period of years. You may not have even noticed when it all began and when you look back, you cannot pinpoint when you started to feel this way. You remember “years ago” you weren’t like this…but cannot figure out when it changed exactly or why. This is frustrating in itself because nothing “happened.” If nothing happened, why am I feeling this way? Many people don’t think about the effects of accumulated stress. Many medical and court professionals as well as first responders don’t think of their jobs as traumatic, but the reality is, the brain takes in the other person’s suffering as our own and the brain makes an imprint of it along with either the real story, or one we make up because we don’t know the real story.
 
As you saw more and more suffering, your brain started connecting these people’s stories until they became a strong, hard mass of negative memories. Change takes a lot of time; it does not happen overnight. You do not know when you started to feel this way because of the slow process of the brain making more and more connections over time.
 
Unfortunately, if you do not stay on top of this slow transformation, all it does is make you wind up in a place of despair, unhappiness, and discontent with everything in life. It can be a very dark place. The truth is, it is a natural process of our brain to make this transformation. The more negative we hear, the more negative we feel. The more positive we hear, the more positive we feel. It is completely normal to feel jaded or unhappy when 8+ hours a day we live negative (this does not include what we see on the news, or hear about from our loved ones jobs, or things going on in our own lives that are not working well).
 
It is normal to feel unhappy and like you just want to cry at any moment. It is normal to have no energy or desire to do anything. It is normal to feel the way you do.
 
This apathy may or may not have started to impact your family. However, if we can learn just three tips to help us feel happier in our daily lives, we can prevent it from impacting our families, we can start to re-engage in life, and we can continue to do the career we were called to do. When we make just a few tweaks to our daily lives, it is entirely possible to feel happy and enjoy life again.
 
You are currently feeling apathetic, tired, worn-out, and irritable
 
The biggest downfall to not overcoming this downward spiral is that it will not only take you down, but your family with you. As you and your family spiral down, it often gets worse faster and faster. Everyone brings their own backgrounds to the table and as stress builds up, our interpretations may be very different and often make the situation worse.
 
Take for example, Tracy, whose parents divorced and she heard more than she should have about her mother’s feelings regarding the divorce. As an adult, Tracy worries that her spouse, John, is going to leave her. It almost never bothers her, but when they argue, she gets a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. John, who is a critical care giver, is starting to get a bit cynical. As a result, he was more sarcastic for awhile. Then he just started to withdraw more. As he was withdrawing more, Tracy thought he was upset with her or their relationship. She started to get anxious. She asked questions that made no sense to John, and he answered them more sarcastically and irritably because “what in the world is she talking about?!” His tone of voice confirmed her fears and she started spiraling, looking for help for their marriage and stressing about him leaving her even though this was never the issue. Tracy and John were on completely different pages due to Tracy’s background and John’s job. Because they were not on the same page, their relationship struggled significantly.
 
At the very least, it drains you daily. Your energy level gets less and less as the days go on. This is often the beginning of compassion fatigue which then leads to burnout. Professionals who work with others’ pain have a very high burnout rate in their fields (this includes therapists, nurses, doctors, probation/parole officers, police, fire, EMT, 911 dispatchers, etc).
 
Continuing to live this way is exhausting. We only have so much energy every day and the more negative that we see, the less energy we have. Our brains are set to protect us. As we see pain day after day, the brain is processing a lot of very difficult input, which is taking a great deal of energy to “file away.”
 
You want to feel energetic, excited, and ready to take on the day
 
Although you struggle with low energy and apathy, you have the potential to get your drive back. This does not have to be what life looks like for the rest of your career. There is a way out of this mess. When we choose to take just a few new steps per day, there is a huge possibility for you to find joy in your life again. You have the opportunity to live the life you want, even if your job does not change.
 
Imagine feeling rejuvenated when you come home from work. Imagine having energy to do what you enjoy on weekends. Imagine not feeling so irritable at the end of the work day. This is all possible with just a few changes to your daily routine.
 
3 tips for professionals seeing people’s daily pain increase happiness in their own lives
 
Whereas you might currently be feeling hopeless that you will be able to find joy in your own life again, this is so far from the truth. The truth is there is no reason why you cannot feel fulfilled in your personal life despite the demands of the job.
 
The key to achieving happiness in your own life is to tweak just a few parts of your daily routine. It isn’t quite as hard as you think because you do not need to make huge shifts or take a large amount of your precious time away by making these tweaks.
Take a look at these 3 tips to see how you can feel happy in your daily life again
 
1. Feeling like you are going to cry at the drop of a hat.
 
One of the reasons you struggle with happiness in your own life is because between your personal and professional lives, you are so overwhelmed you don’t know how to relax anymore…and if you do relax you feel guilty about it because there is so much to do.
 
It makes sense that you want to cry so frequently. Crying is a great outlet and releases a great deal of pressure in our bodies and minds. When we’re not letting the stress out in other ways, it wants to come out this way.
 
Try this instead: When you want to cry, stop what you are doing for a moment. Take some deep breaths to center yourself and turn logic back on in your mind. Identify everything that is going on right now; everything you are currently doing. Ask yourself, is it feasible to do all of this? Is it necessary right now? What can I let go of? Who can I delegate some of this to?
 
Even if you do not let any of it go, by stopping and thinking like this, you are allowing your brain to refocus, which will help you feel les stressed. Together, with my clients, we often go through a timeline of their day to identify everything that they did that day, then prioritize it – what was important, what wasn’t? What could they have delegated and what couldn’t they have? Etc.
 
2. Life doesn’t seem as exciting as it once did
 
When the brain is stressed or depressed or anxious, we are set to survival mode. We cannot enjoy what is happening if we are about to die. The chemicals released in the brain associated with happiness are not active when we are stressed, depressed or anxious.
 
This is why it makes sense that when you are chronically stressed, you do not feel as happy as you once did. The brain is set to survive, not relax.
 
Try this instead: When you are doing something you used to enjoy, but are not currently enjoying, take a moment to be in the moment. What do you see? Say it to yourself: “green leaves, blue sky, white clouds,” etc). What do you hear? Again say specifically what you hear to yourself: “car went by, airplane in the sky, birds chirping,” etc. Do this with what you smell, taste, and physically feel. After you go through all of your senses, go through again with something tangible (hold a blade of grass for example) and tell yourself what this blade of grass feels like, smells like, looks like. Then get back to what you are doing and do the same thing. Just notice and just let whatever other thoughts come to mind go as you focus on your senses.
 
Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, we will often do this technique together, comparing notes when we are done. This makes sure that we both pay as much attention to the object(s) as possible.
 
When you really stay in the moment, you will start to notice feeling a bit lighter. You might start to notice a sense of calm pretty quickly or it might take some time. You may not notice feeling “happy” immediately, but the light, calm feeling will transition over to happiness as you allow your chemical receptors in the brain to reactivate.
 
3. Feeling tired and worn-out
 
As I said above, it takes a great deal of energy for the brain to process what you see and hear day after day. This constant stress takes a toll and you end up feeling worn out and tired. It starts at the end of the day, but eventually it seeps into the next morning until you’re feeling worn out before you even start your day.
 
The daily accumulation of stress and negativity wears everyone down. Some people get worn out faster than others, but this is a normal feeling when we see human pain every day.
 
Try this instead: Choose how often you want to do this throughout the day, but remember the more you do something, the faster you’ll see results (the more you stick to your diet, the faster you’ll lose weight). Several times throughout the day stop, close your eyes, lean back, and rub your head, neck, and jaw with your fingers. As you do so, tell yourself a couple things you are grateful for right now. (You can use the same ones all day if you’d like).
 
Adding this to your life will help you to balance the positive with the negative in your day. Also, the massage will be reminding your body to let go of the stress while you are thinking of good things. The thoughts along with the physical relaxation work in conjunction to help re-energize you throughout the day.
 
When you schedule a session with me, we come up with a daily plan that will incorporate these skills. It does not take much time to do them. Our thoughts guide our emotions. If we think “This is impossible” we may feel hopeless. If we think “This is incredibly difficult, but not impossible” we may have a bit more drive as we don’t feel quite as hopeless about it.
 
Just a few tweaks to our thoughts throughout the day can have a huge impact on our emotions and our happiness with our own lives. Achieving a sense of happiness when you once thought it was impossible is such a gratifying feeling. You absolutely can have the life you want without feeling drained and irritable. Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC can help because I specialize in people just like you: first responders, medical professionals, and court professionals move from internal turmoil to internal control every day.
You were called to your profession and I was called to help you maintain your passion.
 
Call me today: 941-462-4807 to schedule an appointment! I look forward to working with you to get your goals in life met.

You may be thinking that therapy cannot help you. You may be thinking that nothing will help at this point. Or you may think that nobody will understand. Possibly you think that you don’t even need therapy at this time despite what others say to you. You may have even tried therapy with little to no success in the past. You may have talked to other first responders who have not had the most success with therapy. It is true that therapy is not easy and will not provide a quick fix; you very well may not feel better after the first few sessions you have.
 
Unfortunately, if you have noticed that your life just isn’t the same anymore or if others have told you you’re not the same anymore, and you decide not to go to therapy, nothing will change for the better. Your life will not only not improve, but is likely to continue to get worse.
 
You may notice a steady decline in your emotional well-being, you may notice becoming more sarcastic, you may notice you are more jaded, you may notice changes in your relationships, and you may even notice behavior changes in your children.
 
Not only does living life believing that therapy won’t help won’t make your life better, it will impact the lives of others around you. You cannot throw a pebble in the pond without making ripple effects and you cannot change without others around you feeling that change and adapting to that change. If that is a downward change, the adaptation of those around us are likely to also be a downward change.
 
Perhaps your relationship with your spouse is just not the same. Perhaps you are arguing more. Perhaps you are having more trouble sleeping these days. Perhaps you are spending less time with your children. Or perhaps the change you’ve noticed is at work – you have less desire to go to work, or you’re more sarcastic after the calls you go on.
 
At first you might have blamed it on everything external – work is stressful, you’re just tired, work is demanding more of you, there’s changes in the personnel at work, etc. You might have even felt like people are picking on you or chastising you. It is true that when we are stressed, we have a lower tolerance for criticism, even if it is accurate.
 
Unfortunately, when we ignore the symptoms or blame it on something else, it keeps the cycle going and we continue to feel worse and worse. The downward spiral becomes overwhelming. And by the time we believe that maybe we do need help, our brain convinces us that it’s too late; that therapy won’t help.
 
Eventually, we wind up in a place of extreme exhaustion and hopelessness. This may continue to play out in sarcasm, or it may play out in anger, or depression, or something else. However it plays out, we start to feel like things will never improve. Once the brain starts this line of thinking, it is hard to get out of. The train of “and then” or “what if” can get completely out of hand.
 
The truth is, it is completely normal for this to happen. When we are stressed, the very primitive part of our brain responsible for survival called the Amygdala, gets activated. The sole purpose of the Amygdala is to keep us alive. It acts like a smoke detector – it does not care of you burned the bread or if the house is burning down; it just sets off the alarm. The Amygdala does not care if you are truly in danger or not, it sets off the signal in case you are in danger – THEN it communicates with the Hippocampus which has surveyed the environment and determined you are not in danger. But, like the smoke detector, the alarm has already been set off. Once the Amgydala activates, the “survival” train takes over. You no longer think logically and you no longer think of the “good” – survival is only needed in times of “bad.” It is completely normal for negative thinking to get out of hand at this point.
 
Although it is normal for this to happen and although it is true that you may be feeling pretty hopeless that therapy can help, all you need to do is learn a few tricks to convince yourself therapy is worth trying; not convince yourself that therapy will work. Once you convince yourself that therapy is worth trying, it is entirely possible to find the right therapist who will help you feel like yourself again.
 
Keep reading to learn how to start making changes to convince yourself that therapy is worth trying today
 
RIGHT NOW YOU ARE FEELING HOPELESS, HELPLESS, AND UNSURE OF THE FUTURE
 
Quite honestly, the biggest downside to not overcoming the downward emotional spiral is the potential for suicide. You may be thinking “I’d never do that” but I promise you that most first responders who commit suicide did not think they would ever get to that point in their lives either.
 
But, let’s back it up some. At the very least, if you don’t work through your feelings and thoughts about therapy and do not come to therapy, you will find yourself no better off than you are now. Can you imagine what life would be like for you if you felt this way for the next 10, 20, 30 years or more? Think about it, where you are today did not happen over night. It got worse over time, right? So logic would tell you that if you are feeling this way now, it is likely to only get worse. Can you imagine feeling worse than you are 10 years from now…and worse than that 20 years from now? And worse yet 30 years from now?
 
Living with this downward spiral all because you have convinced yourself therapy won’t help you is literally making it worse. What if you ignored someone’s injury which is clearly life threatening? What if you said to them “you’re ok. I’m just going to go over here and not pay any attention to you.” They may literally die, right? So you may not physically die from your emotional upheaval, however, your body and brain work together. If your brain thinks you are in danger, it sends the signal to the body to stop all functions that are not needed for survival. When that happens, people end up with digestive problems, heart problems, high blood pressure, headaches, fatigue, and a whole host of other physical problems.
 
THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. YOU CAN AND YOU WILL FEEL LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN
 
Although you currently struggle with the belief that therapy won’t help, you have the potential to get your life back. You have the potential to get yourself back. You have the potential to get your health back. When we choose to try something even if we don’t have 100% conviction in, there is a real possibility for improvement. Even if you don’t believe it.
 
Right now you have the opportunity to try something and possibly get everything back that you are losing. You also have the opportunity to do nothing and let this downward spiral continue. What’s the worst that will happen if you convince yourself to go to therapy? The worst that will happen is nothing changes and you’re where you are now. What’s the best that will happen? You’ll feel like yourself again.
 
YOU DON’T HAVE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THERAPY WILL WORK. YOU JUST HAVE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF TO BE OPEN TO TRYING
 
Yes it’s true you’re feeling confused about therapy. Yes it’s true you may be thinking it won’t work; nothing will help. However, as I said above, what’s the worst that will happen if you go to therapy? The key is my heading above. You do not have to convince yourself that therapy will work. You just have to convince yourself to be open to trying.
 
Making this change is not as difficult as you may think. There are a few things for you to think about and work on honestly with yourself. You don’t even have to tell anyone that you are doing this. You don’t have to share your thoughts with anyone at this point. When you follow a few simple steps, you will start to see that maybe the risk is worth it. Maybe you are worth it.
 
Take a look at these next steps to see how you can start working on convincing yourself to give therapy a try
 
One of the biggest reasons you struggle with not going to therapy is because of your thinking. “It’s not going to work.” “Others have tried it and don’t feel better.” “I shouldn’t need therapy.” “I’ve tried it before.” It makes complete sense that you’re feeling hopeless. Our thoughts guide our emotions. Do you remember The Little Engine that Could? “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” His attitude and thought process helped him get where he was going. If we think positively, we feel good. If we think negatively, we feel bad. Our thoughts are so incredibly powerful.
 
The first step I want you to take, right now is: Identify your thoughts about therapy. What is your reason for not believing it will help you? Write those thoughts down.
 
Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, I help my clients narrow down what their negative thoughts are. Often they don’t know at first “It just won’t work.” Other times they know “I shouldn’t need therapy.” Either way, once you clarify what the thought is, you can start to not only understand the reasons behind not going, but you can start to challenge those reasons. This leads me to step 2.
 
Next, I want you to challenge each of those thoughts. Something as simple as “Is it possible…” “Is it possible it will work this time?” “Is it possible my experience will be different that John’s?”
 
Remember how powerful thoughts are? Together with my clients I help them challenge negative thinking; reframing their thoughts to something more positive. “Is it possible this will work” actually puts hope into the brain. It changes the feeling from hopeless to neutral. We are not trying to convince ourselves that it WILL work; we are trying to convince ourselves that it MAY work; that there is a POSSIBILITY it will work.
 
When you schedule a session with me, we will work on overcoming your hesitations which will help you begin to notice a shift in your emotions. You will start to see a shift in the way you think and feel about this and other situations. It starts a train of possibilities.
 
After you challenge these thoughts, my last step for you is to do some research. There are a ton of therapists out there, each with different approaches. Maybe one approach didn’t work for you. Or maybe one person’s personality didn’t jive with you. See who else is out there. I have a client who is in his early 70s and has been seeing therapists for years. He always saw men his age because they “understood” him better. Then he came to me. A female much younger than him. He has told me several times that he has gotten more help from me and has moved forward in improving himself more with me than with every male therapist he ever saw. All this means is one type of person might work better than another for you.
 
One thing I know for sure is that changing our beliefs is incredibly difficult. When we truly believe something, it is often very difficult to change that belief. There are no quick fixes, but therapy does work and achieving the feelings of control and stability that you so desire is possible. You absolutely can feel like your old self again. Schedule a session today. It is time to get on the road to feeling like yourself again. It is not only possible, but likely to change your beliefs and your life with Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC as I specialize in working with first responders just like you.

Most therapists worry that a client will commit suicide. Many therapists have had this happen to them already. When this happens, we second guess ourselves and our care of the client. Many therapists start wondering what they could have done different. What they didn’t see. What they did wrong. Whereas it is good to review the case and determine whether there was something missed, it is not helpful to dwell on it long afterward. But many of us do.
 
Unfortunately, when we struggle to move forward in our careers and lives after a client suicide, it affects our professional and personal lives. We bring the stress and feelings home. We notice changes in our relationships with our other clients as well as with our families and friends. We may even second guess what other people think about us.
 
The downsides to this include starting to feel like a failure, feeling burnt out, feeling incapable, feeling like a disappointment, or sometimes like a fraud. When these feelings start to surface, it is hard to think of much else. These feelings start to consume us (thank you Limbic System of the brain). When these feelings start to overwhelm us, we start to behave differently. Just like when you’re happy and sad you behave differently.
 
Not only does living life feeling like a failure and incapable affect our emotional wellbeing and our relationships, but it affects our bodies. The body and brain work together. When one isn’t working optimally, the part notices and joins in. Misery loves company? So when the brain says something is wrong, the body goes into sympathetic dominance causing all of the bodily functions that are not needed for immediate survival to shut down. Having this happen ongoing is a frequent cause of high blood pressure, ulcers, gastrointestinal distress, headaches, fatigue, and heart problems.
 
Judy had a client who seemed to be improving. The client seemed to be in a much better place and therapy seemed to be working well. Then Judy got the call. Her client had killed herself. All sorts of thoughts ran through her mind. She struggled to wrap her head around it. She felt scared. She went through her case notes over and over trying to figure out what she missed. She felt absolutely horrible. She couldn’t figure it out. But she must have missed something.
 
Unfortunately, as she looked and looked, she still did not find anything that gave her a clue as to this possibly happening. She felt like a failure. She must have missed it. She must not have asked the right questions. Or missed a signal from the client. Or…or…or… Unfortunately, all this did was make her feel worse about herself. Her feelings of being a failure increased with each passing day.
 
Eventually she wound up in a place where she was just not present for her clients. She just couldn’t do the job anymore. It was too stressful wondering if any of her other clients would kill themselves. Did they know she was the therapist for the person that just killed themselves? Was she actually helping people? She was spiraling down and struggling to keep afloat.
 
The truth is, what Judy was feeling was completely normal. We get into this field to help people. When someone kills themselves, we feel strongly about it. We were very invested in them and in their lives. It is completely normal to feel horrible, or even like a failure (although this isn’t what I want you to feel).
 
This is a very scary situation to have happen and it impacts many areas of your life. However, when we see others overcome something similar, it often inspires us to make the changes we need to achieve confidence in ourselves. When we take similar steps, it is entirely possible to bounce back and continue the wonderful work we do.
 
YOU ARE FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE. UNSURE OF YOURSELF. UNSURE OF YOUR CHOICE OF CAREER. YOUR PERSONAL LIFE IS FALLING APART AT THE SAME TIME INCREASING YOUR FEELING LIKE A FAILURE
 
Before scheduling a session with me, Judy’s life was in shambles. She struggled to keep up with the daily grind of life at home and at work. She missed paying some bills (her mind was elsewhere and honestly forgot). She wasn’t paying attention to her health as much. She liked to be in bed and sleep away her stress. She ignored others when they told her she was just not acting like herself. Judy often found herself feeling depressed, hopeless, and like a failure.
 
Living this way impacted Judy’s ability to function at work and at home. Her career suffered for it, which increased her feelings of inadequacy. She “knew” at this point that the client’s suicide was not her fault. However, she still couldn’t get herself to believe deep down that she did all she could for this client…that she didn’t miss something.
 
Judy’s marriage was suffering also. Her husband didn’t know how to help her and was getting frustrated at her change in behavior and slipping up on small things such as paying bills. The more frustrated he got, the more fuel was added to her feelings of inadequacy and failure. Judy couldn’t bring herself to go out and do the things she enjoyed. What if someone asked her about it? What if someone asked her if she was ok? How should she even respond to that? Her friends and husband kept trying. They did not give up on her, but Judy continued to struggle with this.
 
Right before Judy scheduled a session, she had an ah-ha moment. Due to the support of loved ones, Judy finally realized she needed help. She was falling apart and was not able to pull herself together on her own. She knew it was ok to ask for help and made that first call. When she realized that she was so far gone and needed professional help to come back, she felt a mixture of emotions. She still felt like a failure…how did she let her life get this far down? But she also felt overwhelmed and scared. Would the therapist judge her? Judy knew she had to schedule the session despite all the mixed up feelings she was having. She had to schedule the session BECAUSE of all the mixed up feelings she was having.
 
When Judy presented to her first session, she expressed concern and fear. She wasn’t sure she wanted to share the exact trauma that precipitated this downfall. I did not push her to tell me, but instead explored with her where her feelings came from…when they actually started. Often an incident that has a huge impact like this has the roots of the feelings at a younger age. So we explored other times in Judy’s life that she felt like a failure. By the time Judy left that first session, she felt confident that she could come back and continue to work on her feelings and beliefs about herself and the world.
 
As we continued therapy, Judy realized that her feelings of inadequacy stemmed from childhood and we created a treatment plan to address those feelings. I still did not push her to tell me anything that she did not want to share, even from childhood, which increased her confidence in working through the feelings.
 
JUDY IS NOW THRIVING AND CONFIDENT IN HERSELF AND IN HER WORK
 
When Judy and I sat down to work together, she felt very broken. She wasn’t sure if I would understand or would be able to help her. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to share what happened. We worked together slowly to raise her confidence in the process and not scare her away.
 
We discussed the core beliefs that led to the feelings of inadequacy and feeling like a failure. We discussed where these core beliefs came from, why they are so hard to let go of, and why they create such an impact on situations that occur today. I explained how these core beliefs interact with the Limbic System of the brain and how that in turn brings the body into fight/flight. We clarified the impact fight/flight has on the body and brain, why it activates, and why it is so hard to turn off.
 
As Judy learned more about how the body and brain work together and why certain things happen in the brain, she started to feel more “normal.” She started to realize she was not a failure and that she was a competent therapist. We identified ways to measure improvement and Judy stated she would know things are getting better because she will not take naps on weekend days and will be getting out for a walk at least twice per week.
 
When I practice with clients like Judy, who have experienced something incredibly traumatic and have negative core beliefs about themselves surrounding the trauma, I like to use a model of therapy called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). EMDR is a research backed and evidenced based model that can help people make strong, intrusive memories just a regular memory without the intense impact. It does not make the memory go away, nor does it change anything factual (if you truly had fault in something, it would not make you think you did not). EMDR is an amazing technique which can help clients regain power and control over themselves and their minds by de-linking the memory with the Limbic System in the brain.
 
After just a few sessions of EMDR, it was obvious that Judy was starting to feel better. She came to session with more pep, she spoke of more positive things going on in her life, and she smiled more. Judy also noticed improvement in her sleep habits and eating patterns. She finally told me of her client’s suicide and stated that this was the first time she said it out loud without breaking down. She stated that she is going out with her friends more again and that her husband has stated that he sees an improvement in her.
 
Judy came to session one day and stated that she was ready to end therapy. She stated that she has increased her caseload again and is feeling confident in herself. She stated that her relationships are going well and her life/work balance has improved. We created a plan to address any further negative core beliefs that may pop up to nip their intrusion on her life. By our final session, Judy felt like her old self again.
 
EVERYONE WILL HAVE A DIFFERENT RESPONSE TO THERAPY, BUT AS A COUNSELOR, YOU KNOW JUST HOW HELPFUL THERAPY CAN BE. DON’T LET FEAR GET IN YOUR WAY OF IMPROVING YOURSELF AND LETTING GO OF SELF-DOUBT, FEELINGS OF BEING A FAILURE OR INCOMPETENT.
 
Although you struggle with feelings of self-doubt, failure, and lack of confidence, you have the potential to regain your confidence and be the counselor you know you are. When something traumatic happens (or just life happens – we all know that working with people all day can become draining), it doesn’t have to mean the end of your career. You came to this field for a reason. Let’s make sure that passion stays alive.
 
Now that you’ve seen what is possible for Judy, let this stand as a beacon for you to know that it is possible for you to also feel more confident in yourself and let go of those feelings of being a failure. You have the opportunity to be the encouraged and excited therapist you were before the impact of your client’s lives got to you.
 
Achieving confidence may take time. There are many factors to consider when determining how long it will take before you feel better. However, when you take this journey one day at a time, gaining confidence can be empowering. You absolutely can get yourself back. Meg Young, LCSW specializes in our Critical Care Givers, including therapists just like you, move from internal turmoil to internal control thus gaining their lives and careers back. Call me today 941-462-4807 to schedule your appointment! You are worth it.