Just like so many first responders, “Joanna” has been on several calls, some of which she believed she should have and could have done more for. The more calls you go on that you believe this about yourself, the more feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem come in. You start beating yourself up over all the “shoulda, coulda, woulda’s.”
 
The obvious problem with living life with shoulda, coulda, woulda is we cannot change the past. The maybe not so obvious problem with living life this way is the compounding emotional struggles we feel from it. It affects our belief in ourselves as well as in our work.
 
Some of the downsides include low self esteem, second guessing everything you do, and worthlessness. These are awful feelings that can get in the way of the good work you do.
 
Not only does living life with the shoulda, coulda, woulda affect our emotional state, but it also affects our behaviors and actions. When we second guess ourselves, we don’t act quickly. Emotion gets in the way of objectivity. When that emotion is due to our feelings about our own worth, it hugely impacts our actions at work, but also at home.
 
A recent client of mine, “Joanna,” went on a call to a housefire. In the house was an occupant who was asleep on the bed as well as a couple scared animals. This was not the first call she’d been on where her team had to get people and animals to safety. The occupant was not well off by the time the fire department got to the house.
 
At the time, Joanna and her team battled the blaze, got the animals and occupant out of the house, and sent the occupant on his way to the hospital. She continued to do what she needed at the scene. She did not allow herself to think about the occupant or animals, and just focused on the task at hand.
 
After the blaze was extinguished and she and her team left the scene, the image of the occupant came flooding back to her. She wondered how he was, whether the doctors would be able to do anything for him, what his family would be going through and felt very sad for him and his family.
 
She then started thinking about her own family. How did he get so burnt without realizing it? Was he intoxicated? What would happen if someone in her own family was not able to get out of the house, or didn’t realize that the house was on fire until it was too late. How would she get through that?
 
Then her mind went to is there anything I could have done differently? Unfortunately, as her mind was racing around all the things that happened, all the possibilities, all the what if’s, all the unanswered questions, and everything else, she started feeling worse and worse.
 
Eventually she wound up feeling very sad and wondering if this career really is for her. Every call she’d been on where someone’s life had been turned upside down (yup, that would be the vast majority), kept reverberating in her mind. She didn’t know who to talk to about it. Her self esteem dropped. Feelings of worthlessness set in. She ended up in a very depressed state of mind.
 
Joanna is not alone in this. It is completely normal for first responders to start to feel worthless, for your self esteem to drop, for you to keep replaying the calls you’ve been on and wonder if you are ok.
 
It is ok to feel this way. You are normal and you are not crazy. There are a good number of first responders who are starting to realize this and starting to seek out help from a therapist.
 
It is true that you are feeling worthless and your self esteem has dropped. However, when we see others overcome something similar, it can inspire us to make the changes we need to achieve a feeling of competence over ourselves and our lives. When we take similar steps, it is entirely possible to love your career as much as you did when you started and to not let the accumulation of stress from what you see and deal with on a daily basis impact your feelings about yourself, your career, or your life.
 
Keep reading to see how one firefighter started seeing herself as a competent member of her department again
 
JOANNA’S LIFE WAS GETTING MORE AND MORE UNMANAGEABLE AS SHE WAS FEELING MORE WORTHLESS EACH DAY
 
Before scheduling a session, Joanna was starting to feel crazy. She knew she was good at her job, but was starting to second guess herself with everything. She started thinking she couldn’t do anything right anymore and even felt worthless at home.
 
She often found herself feeling down about herself, her career, and her life in general. The feelings of worthlessness and low self esteem seemed to worsen each day, no matter what she told herself.
 
Living this way impacted her ability to act rationally at times. It impacted her ability to act quickly on the job. It impacted her self-care routine at home. Her nutritional intake changed; time spent at the gym changed.
 
Joanna found herself not hanging out with those she cared about as much. She didn’t feel like she had anything to offer to the relationships anymore. She just didn’t feel like herself, which increased her feelings of worthlessness.
 
Right before scheduling a session, Joanna’s coworker shared with her that she has noticed the change in Joanna. She thought Joanna may need counseling. Joanna blew it off with her co-worker, but when she went home, she did some research online. She found that she was not alone in these feelings and decided maybe she could benefit from a few therapy sessions.
 
When her co-worker told her she thought Joanna needed therapy, Joanna was defensive and upset about this internally. She thought she was hiding it pretty well from others. She thought she acted normal at work.
 
Joanna decided to schedule a session because if her co-worker noticed how she was feeling, then others would as well. What would they think of her? Would they think she is not capable of doing her job? According to what she found online, therapy could help her feel better and get a sense of happiness and control back.
 
When Joanna presented to therapy, she expressed her mixed feelings about therapy. She wasn’t convinced therapy would help, but she was willing to give it a try. She needed to do something at this point.
 
Together in the first session, we explored Joanna’s fears and reservations about therapy. She shared her hopes, but also her skepticism that therapy would actually do what it claimed. She thought she was too far gone. She read a bunch on line, but part of her still thought that was just high claims, but not truth.
 
By the time Joanna left the session, she felt more confident and willing to give it a full try. She reported her skepticism was still there, but she would put in all the effort needed because if this really would work, she realized she would need to do some work on her own.
 
As we continued therapy, Joanna came to realize the feelings of low self esteem and worthlessness she felt were due to the accumulated experiences from work. We created a treatment plan to address the daily stress and allowing the brain to let go of instead of hold onto the calls she went on.
 
By the time she left session, she felt a sense of hope. She wasn’t yet sure whether it would work, but she felt a sense of hope and encouragement. She was ready to start the process.
 
JOANNA’S JOURNEY TO CONFIDENCE AND A RENEWED SENSE OF PRIDE IN HERSELF AND HER WORK
 
When Joanna and I sat down to work together, she wasn’t sure what therapy would be like. She wasn’t sure what she needed to do, or how much she would need to share. She wasn’t too keen on sharing the details of her experiences, either.
 
We often discussed the bodily mechanics of what was happening in her brain and body due to her work experiences. We discussed the effects this has on her and how normal it all is. There was a lot of education on the role of the stress response and how to settle the stress response.
 
Joanna attended therapy weekly and started to feel more trust in the therapeutic relationship and more confidence that I understood what she was going through. As she started to feel this increased trust, she started to feel more confident that therapy may actually help her.
 
Joanna and I came up with a treatment plan to address her concerns and what she wanted by the end of treatment. We outlined a way to measure improvement and identified how she would know she is feeling better. We discussed how we would work through the details of the experiences she did not want to share and still help her move past those experiences.
 
When I practice with clients like Joanna, I often use a technique called EMDR. EMDR, also known as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, has been studied and is shown effective in many studies. The VA and several other national organizations use EMDR as a modality of treatment to help their clients with PTSD.
 
I like EMDR with my clients who suffer from racing thoughts, intrusive memories, and other symptoms due to trauma, including seeing other people’s trauma, because it gets to all aspects of the memories including smell, which is one of our strongest memory recall senses, and body sensations. Because it gets to all aspects of the trauma, it tends to have quicker results.
 
Furthermore, with EMDR, you do not have to share anything you do not want to. Traditional trauma therapy requires you to share the details of the event(s) with the therapist so you and the therapist can work through the thoughts. However, with EMDR, your brain will do the healing and you do not need to share with me anything you do not want to. This is a huge benefit to my first responders who often cannot outwardly say some of the things they’ve been witness to.
 
Another benefit of EMDR is you do not need to go through each and every incident. Each call you go on are slightly different (and sometimes very different) and traditional therapy modalities will only work on one incident at a time. With EMDR, you start with the worst part of what is bothering you and we work on that until there is something else which is the “worst part,” then we work on that. In other words, we work on all incidences together.
 
After several weeks of therapy, it was obvious Joanna was feeling better. She reported feeling stronger and more in control. Her appearance in session changed. I was able to see the confidence in her grow and she also noticed this. She reported improved sleep and less racing thoughts. When we dug into it, she identified a few examples of not second guessing herself, which was a huge improvement and made her feel more confident in herself.
 
Joanna reported her humor had returned and noticed a change in her attitude with her co-workers. She reported a couple of her co-workers mentioned the change to her and she told them about EMDR. She informed me that she believed this therapy was a life saver for her and she had only attended 6 sessions thus far.
 
Joanna knew she was ready to end therapy because she was no longer second guessing herself. She felt confident and worthwhile in her career. Her friends and family enjoyed being around her and she enjoyed being around them.
 
We completed EMDR therapy with focusing on the future. We identified a couple what if situations and worked through them. We completed a treatment plan for her continued self-care upon termination.
 
By our final session, Joanna couldn’t rave enough about EMDR. She stated this therapy was a life saver and was so happy that she decided to go through with it. She recalled how skeptical she was about therapy before beginning, how afraid she was that she’d have to share things she didn’t want to or know how to, and how unsure she was about the treatment modality as it seemed too good to be true prior to beginning.
 
NOW IT IS YOUR TURN. TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK. IT IS TIME TO GET RID OF THE RACING THOUGHTS, SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, IRRITABILITY, INABILITY TO FOCUS, SECOND GUESSING YOURSELF, AND FEELINGS OF WORTHLESSNESS.
 
Although you struggle with anxiety and feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness, you have the potential to feel the excitement and passion you felt prior to the accumulation of horrific experiences you’ve dealt with on the job.
 
Now that you’ve seen what is possible for other clients, there is a possibility for you to also turn off the stress response so it does not continue to set the alarm off so many times per day. You have the potential to feel better quickly.
 
Achieving this freedom from the emotional roller coaster can be both exciting and scary. However, when you know more about what to expect, the unknowns won’t be as scary. You can read more about EMDR at my ultimate guide to EMDR.
 
You absolutely can enjoy your life and career as much as you did when you first started. It is also not going to take years of therapy. Meg Young, LCSW specializes in the unique culture of first responders and will help you reach your goals quicker than attending therapy with just anyone, similarly to going to a specialist versus a general surgeon for hand surgery.
 
Choose strength and call me today to start feeling results quickly! I look forward to hearing from you. 941-462-4807.

Therapy is only for people who are “sick” or “weak,” right? As a first responder, you “shouldn’t” need therapy, right? You’re the strong one; you’re the one others go to when they need help. You’re the protector.
 
It’s time for this culture to change. There is enough evidence to show that first responders are human, just like the rest of the world and DO feel the effects of their job. The statistics show that the number of suicides among first responders has risen to unprecedented levels in recent years.
 
If we continue to believe that first responders are “supposed” to be strong and not ever need support and help from a therapist, we are setting ourselves up for continued tragedy with the ever growing number of suicides.
 
Furthermore, as first responders try to hide their pain, they, like everyone else, will not be able to hide it forever from their family and loved ones. This can end poorly as well. In the “best” case, it will end in divorce. In the “worst” case, it will end in death. Either way, more lives than just yours has been affected.
 
You’ve been dealing with this downward spiral for a long time now, trying to keep your head above water. You’ve tried ignoring it. You’ve tried making excuses. You’ve tried looking things up on line to see what you can do at home to “fix” this. Nothing has worked and you’re about ready to give up. Afterall, therapy isn’t for you.
 
Eventually you end up feeling defeated and hopeless. Unfortunately, all this does is send you further down the hole. Maybe you’ve thought about therapy, but how can you go to a therapist? How can you explain to a therapist what it is that you are feeling and going through? Will the therapist want to go through your entire childhood? That’s not going to help; you know that your job is impacting you, not your childhood. Are they going to tell you to do “relaxation” exercises? How can you relax with your mind going a million miles per hour? What can a therapist possibly do for you?
 
The truth is, the country is saturated with therapists, each one practicing slightly differently. Each therapist has their own strengths and weaknesses and each therapist has a set of tools that they like working best with to help their clients. The truth is, picking a therapist randomly may help you, but also may convince you that therapy does not work.
 
I know that right now you’re feeling skeptical about therapy, but there is an inkling that you may want to try it. Knowledge is power and the more you know about a therapist, the more likely you are to find one that will serve your needs best. There are several things that you can think about when choosing a therapist for you. It is entirely possible to find the right therapist for you the first time and get the results you have been hoping for quickly.
 
Keep reading for the top 5 things to think about when choosing a therapist
 
YOU’VE TRIED EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN. THE INTERNET IS FILLED WITH INFORMATION. YET YOU DON’T FEEL BETTER. YOU ACTUALLY FEEL WORSE THAN EVER.
 
The biggest downside to continuing down the path you are on is it will only get worse. You know that you feel worse than you did a month ago, 6 months ago, a year ago. If it hasn’t impacted your loved ones, it will get there. The suicide rate among first responders is almost at epidemic levels at this time and it is very possible that you could end up there yourself, even if you don’t think that will ever happen. We all have our breaking points.
 
At the very least, you just don’t have the motivation, energy and desire to do what you used to love. You are more jaded and sarcastic. This isn’t making you feel good about your job anymore. Have you noticed your thought patterns changed? Have you noticed you aren’t enjoying life quite as much? Have you noticed that you are just “different” from how you used to be? This isn’t you. This isn’t who you want to be.
 
IMAGINE LOVING YOUR CAREER THE WAY YOU DID WHEN YOU STARTED IN IT. IMAGINE BEING EXCITED TO GO ON CALLS AGAIN. IMAGINE COMING HOME WITH ENERGY AND GRATEFULNESS THAT YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE SAFE AND WELL.
 
Although you struggle with emotional turmoil and apathy, you have the potential to enjoy life and your career again. All the stuff you’ve tried from the internet may not have worked, but it does not mean that you are a hopeless cause. Therapy has significant benefits that people can’t always get to on their own.
 
When we make an informed decision on finding a therapist, there is a possibility for feeling like your old self quickly with as little impact to you, your finances, and your life as possible. You can get back to the life you desire more quickly when you make an informed decision on finding a therapist using these 5 ideas.
 
You have the opportunity, right now, to choose the therapist that is right for you. Whether or not I, Meg Young, LCSW, is the right therapist for you is not what this article is about. This article is about helping you make the right decision for you based on your needs.
 
TOP 5 THINGS TO THINK ABOUT WHEN CHOOSING A THERAPIST
 
Right now you may be feeling skeptical and unsure that therapy is the answer, but when you make an informed decision, you will be able to make the right decision. Maybe therapy is what you need, maybe not. Maybe therapist A is who you need, maybe therapist B is who you need.
 
Another good blog to take a look at is my blog How First Responders can Overcome the belief that therapy won’t help. I put this here as an easy guide to taking the next step towards attending therapy and dispelling the belief that first responders shouldn’t go to therapy.
 
The key to achieving the results you are looking for in therapy is to make an informed decision. By thinking about certain questions prior to looking for a therapist, you will be able to narrow down your search to only the therapists who will get you results quickly and effectively.
 
These top 5 things to think about are not difficult questions. They are not deep philosophical questions. They are questions that when you read, you will be able to answer quickly and honestly, which will make the search for a therapist easier and less stressful.
 
Check out these 5 things to think about when choosing a therapist so you can achieve freedom from your emotional turmoil quickly
 
Tip #1: Does the therapist speak TO you in the platform you found them?
 
Where did you find the therapist you’re looking at? Psychology Today? Good Therapy? Their website? As you read their description, are they speaking to you? As you are reading the description, does it seem like they are speaking directly to you?
 
If it seems like the therapist is speaking directly to you, they likely understand you and what you are going through pretty well. They are also likely to have a good style to fit you as their communication seems to fit your communication.
 
Tip #2: Do they seem to understand you and your issue(s)?
 
This goes along with tip number 1. If they are talking directly to you, they likely understand you and what you are going through. When you find a therapist who seems to understand you and your issues, you will get a good amount of work done with that therapist in a shorter amount of time. You and the therapist won’t need to waste time and will be able to get into the core of the work quickly. Furthermore, if they understand you and your issues that well, they have a good change of specializing in that area, which means they are likely pretty versed in helping others just like you.
 
Tip #3: Is their style good for you?
 
This may be a harder thing to figure out just by seeing what they are like on directories and their webpage. However, if you do your research, there is a good possibility that you will be able to figure out their style. Look them up on Google – where are they on Google? Do they have a website? Facebook? Linked-In? Other social media? Ask others if they’ve heard of him or her and what they’ve heard about the therapist. The more you know about the therapist you are going to, the better your chance of knowing their style will fit yours.
 
If their style matches with you, you have a greater likelihood of meeting your goals quicker. Add this to tip number 2 and you have likely found one of the best therapists to help you meet your needs in the most efficient way possible.
 
Tip #4: Are they available when and how you need them to be?
 
Is your schedule consistent? Or do you work varied shifts? Do you have childcare to worry about? How about transportation issues? As you are looking for a therapist, find out what their schedule is, as well as how and when they are available.
 
Some therapists only work 9-5. Others work early morning or late evening. Others work weekends. Others work online. There are so many therapists in each state that you do not have to force yourself into someone else’s schedule. You can take the time to find the right therapist who will meet you at a time and place that is convenient for you.
 
Tip #5: Cost
 
Honestly, cost is the least important thing to think about when choosing a therapist. However, I am putting it in here because so many people want to pay as little as possible. When you are looking for something to last; something durable, you probably won’t choose the cheapest option, right? If you are looking for something that is only going to last a short time and you know it, you probably don’t care that you’ll pay very little, and even look for the lowest cost.
 
When you think about your life, how much is your life worth? Most insurance plans these days have a deductible that needs to be met before insurance will start paying for therapy. This means no matter which therapist you go to, you are likely to pay out of pocket until your deductible is met.
 
By using the other tips here and finding the therapist who is right for you, the amount of time spent in therapy will be much shorter than going to just any therapist. When you find a therapist who specializes in what you need, you may spend more per session, but you may actually spend less overall by the time you get your goals met in therapy.
 
Achieving the goals you desire; achieving results and getting out of the emotional turmoil doesn’t have to be a lifetime of therapy. It can be a very positive experience in terms of time, money, and value. You absolutely can feel better about yourself, get your life back where you want it to be, and enjoy your career as much as you did when you first started.
 
Choosing a therapist is a personal decision. Everyone is an individual with individual needs. Not every therapist is right for every individual looking for therapy.
 
Meg Young, LCSW, may or may not be the right therapist for you. I specialize in first responders including 911 dispatchers, medical professionals including therapists, doctors, and nurses, and court/legal professionals including probation and parole officers in Florida and Connecticut. However, I keep a lot of connections with therapists across the country specializing in various needs. Even if I am not the right therapist for you, I’d be happy to help you find someone who could meet your needs.
 
When you have done your research and are ready to take that next step, give me a call at 941-462-4807. I look forward to helping you along your journey. If it is not us, I look forward to helping you connect with someone who will be able to help you along your journey.

Fall is a wonderful time. The kids are back in school, our routine is back on, the kids’ activities have restarted, your case load is increasing from the summer decrease, everyone is back from vacation and to the grind again, and the list goes on. It is a wonderful time, but it is also a very stressful time.
 
This conflict of wonderful time and stressful time can feel very strange and even overwhelming. We like it, but at the same time it can feel too much. But this is life.
 
As we go through the stress, saying “this is life” all the time, we may forget about balance. Life ebbs and flows and we have to ebb and flow with it. I often use the metaphor that life is like surfing…you have to relax your knees and body and go with the waves. If you try and force it or you stay too rigid, you will fall.
 
When we stay too rigid with thoughts like “this is life,” we actually lose out on life. We aren’t able to stop and smell the flowers. We aren’t able to see the beauty in life. We aren’t able to notice the small things that we were able to be grateful for when there was less going on each day.
 
Not only does being unable to balance cause us to not be able to stay grateful, but our stress response gets activated. Our stress response, physiologically, is the exact same response as the fight flight response. Stress response = tense muscles, feeling of tunnel vision, irritability, trouble sleeping, breathing from the chest and not diaphragm, faster heart rate, higher blood pressure, etc.
 
If the stress response being activated is not enough, not being balanced will also affect us at home with how we handle our families, what food choices we make, what exercise choices we make, and how we handle day-to-day stressors that were no problem over the summer.
 
Maybe you noticed that as we were coming into fall, you were excited to get the kids school supplies, new shoes, etc. You were excited that basketball was starting because the kids would be active again. You were excited because you are starting to fill your book again. Things were starting to get busy and fun.
 
Now that it is October fall is in full swing – Halloween is coming up, school trips, homework, activities, and soon it will be Thanksgiving! It is no longer as enjoyable and is actually more stressful than you remember it being last year.
 
You had every intention of going to the gym after work. But your youngest’s school just called saying “Johnny is sick come pick him up.” Well, no gym tonight! So you decide to do some home exercises when you get home. But your last client was so stressful that when you get home and have a sick kid to deal with, homework to help with, dinner to help with, chores to do, what time is there to workout? What desire is there? You’re too stressed!
 
Before you know it, your self-care routine is out the window. There’s no more time for stress management or self care. There is too much to do. As self care is a thing of the past, you wind up in a place of stress, fatigue, lack of desire to do much of anything, irritability and an annoying constant thought of “there’s just not enough time in the day.”
 
This is our world. This is the world of a therapist. This is the world of a working mom. This is America as it is right now. You are completely normal to want to do everything, be everything (and everywhere), and be supermom as a working therapist. It’s ok to feel stressed and it’s not uncommon for your self care routine to all but disappear, EVEN AS A THERAPIST.
 
It’s true that there are only 24 hours in a day and you feel like you have 25 (or 40) hours of things that have to get done every day. It is true that this is incredibly overwhelming and impossible, making you feel not as good as the next person.
 
However, if we can get on board with three tips for time management to deal with those 40 hours of work needed to accomplish in 24 hours, it is entirely possible to turn off the stress response and be more present in your day to day life, thus feeling more confident, competent, and happy.
 
Keep reading for 3 tips so you can start feeling calmer and in better control of your time today.
 
Right now you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, and stressed out
 
The biggest downside to not taking care of ourselves as therapists is the toll it takes on us and our families. We want to help people solve their problems, but when we get burnt out, it is harder for us to be patient and empathetic with people – both at home and at work.
 
At the very least, you find yourself tired and beating yourself up for not doing the chores you should be doing, or taking care of yourself the way you “should.” The more tired you are; the more you beat yourself up, the less likely you find yourself able to actually re-engage in the tools to stay healthy yourself.
 
It’s a downward cycle of annoyance, frustration, burnout, then excitement for the summer, and back to annoyance, frustration and burnout. The longer you’re in this cycle, the quicker you get to burnout each fall.
 
Remember the passion you had when you started this career? Remember the excitement you had going to work every day? Wouldn’t it be great to have that back again?
 
Although you are struggling with stress due to so much going on and lack of time in the day, you have the potential to feel that passion for work again. You have the ability to get back your energy and feel good about yourself and calm each day.
 
When we choose to do this, there is a possibility for increased life satisfaction, better overall health, better relationships with our families and friends, and increased confidence in ourselves.
 
You have the opportunity, right now, to make some small changes in your life and start seeing these results. Although there are no quick fixes, these results are proven (you know that)! And the more frequently you do them, the quicker those results are seen.
 
3 Tips to Achieve a feeling of Calmness and Control over Yourself and your Time
 
Whereas it is true you are feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed, you do not have to continue this way throughout the winter and into the spring. You do not have to fall deeper into this rabbit hole and struggle more and more until you cannot wait for your caseload to drop in December and again in the summer.
 
The key to achieving calmness and control is YOU taking control over balancing YOUR time YOUR way. We all have the same 24 hours in the day, so why do you have to feel overwhelmed? Why do you have to struggle with this? The reality is you don’t! You don’t have to feel overwhelmed. You can be strategic with your time and feel calm and in control.
 
Making these changes is not as difficult as you think because you teach your clients these same skills every day. You know how hard it is for your clients to do the skills you teach, so you know it will not be easy for you either. Knowing that, these changes are within your control and NOT too difficult for you to follow!
 
Take a look at these 3 points to see how you can achieve control and calmness every day!
 
There are so many factors leading to feeling out of control and stressed out. I am focusing this blog on three points to help with time management. As fall can be a much busier time than spring and even winter, we need to take time for each aspect of our lives during all seasons.
 
1. You know what to do. Identify 1-2 things you tell your own clients to do that you are not currently doing. Why are you not doing these things? (No time)? That is just an excuse. Self care is not just for our clients. Self care does not have to be expensive. It does not need to take too much time away from your family.
 
One thing you can do for self care is sticking with your boundaries…if you have a 50 minute session, stick to 50 minute sessions, not 55 minute sessions. Start and end your sessions on time. If you do not want to see people after a certain time, don’t schedule anyone after that time. If you tell your family you need 10 minutes to unwind before hanging out with them, protect that time. Boundaries are vital to our own self care.
 
With Meg Young, LCSW, you will learn what holds you back from your own self care. We will dive into your own sticking points and unstick them so you will be able to do what you preach. Furthermore, you may even find self care ideas you hadn’t even thought of.
 
2. Schedule your time. Every morning look at your day. What is scheduled for the day? When do you have breaks during the day? What does your day look like? Busy? Light? What do you need to do that you have been putting off? When can you schedule that into your day?
 
Your kids have activities that are at scheduled times. You make sure they get there for those. You have appointments at specific times and make sure you get to those. When we have things scheduled into our day, we are much more likely to follow through with those tasks.
 
When you start each day scheduling your day, you will find that you actually have more time in your day than you think you do. You will find the time to do what is most important to you. You will also find the barriers to doing things you want to. For example, I found that I do small tasks better than long ones, so I’ll break my tasks up throughout the day.
 
3. Review your day at the end of the day. What were your wins for the day? What did you accomplish? What did you not do? What lessons did you learn about yourself and your time? What can you do better tomorrow?
 
When you schedule a session with me, you will dive into yourself deeper than you ever thought possible in order to find the time you need in your day. We will help you break the barriers to doing what you know you need to in order to take care of yourself thus feeling like you have enough time in the day.
 
When you review your day, it will make it possible for you to get everything done you want to get done during the day. Not only that, but it will decrease your stress and will make you feel more in control of yourself and your day.
 
Achieving calmness and control can feel impossible in today’s world. And the reality is, when you have a full time job, kids and a family, it is pretty busy. However, there is an excitement that comes with gaining control over yourself and your day.
 
You absolutely can feel calm and in control of your day. You absolutely can feel balanced in this busier time of year.
 
Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC can help as I love helping therapists, first responders, medical and court professionals maintain their passion by letting go of the stress of their job and finding the work life balance.
 
Since you are reading this, it is time to choose strength and call me today to gain back the life you have been missing this fall due to the busy-ness of your wonderful life and career. I look forward to helping you find the calmness and control you are looking for. Call me today! 941-462-4807.

You have a very stressful job. Seeing people’s pain and suffering every day is not something everybody can handle. First responders, doctors, nurses, and therapists may see people’s suffering in different ways, but the reality is each one of these professions is impacted by others’ suffering. However, as you are the person that those suffering come to for help, you have to be strong and not let their pain impact you. You have to not feel, not show emotion. Allowing emotion could actually be a detriment to your job as it can impact objectivity.
 
However, the struggle we run into is we bring this lack of feeling home. We don’t want to burden our families with what we saw or heard. We don’t want to worry them. We don’t want to break confidentiality. Sometimes we may not even know how to put into words what we saw or heard.
 
When we live life in a constant state of “I’m strong; I’m fine; nothing is wrong” and don’t allow ourselves to feel and process what we saw and heard, it affects our lives in numerous ways. When we don’t allow ourselves to process the day, the brain will take over and force us to think about it in order to process it. We start to feel less compassion and understanding because if we allow ourselves to feel compassion, we may bring that to work and risk not being objective. We change.
 
The downsides to this include feeling like you are alone, feeling overwhelmed and not sure what to do or where to go or how to deal with it, being unsure of yourself and your career, changes in appetite, mood, and behavior.
 
Not only does it impact us, but it impacts the very people we are trying to protect – our loved ones. We cannot change without them noticing. When we “lie” to them and say “I’m fine”, they know better. They see the changes. It makes them worry more. As they start to worry more, we start to fake it more in an attempt to “prove” we are ok, which happens to have the opposite effect than we are looking for.
 
The more we fake, the more they worry, the worse it gets. Then you might start noticing behavior changes in your children as they sense that something just isn’t right anymore. Even if they don’t know what is happening or aren’t old enough to understand. Reverting to younger behavior is common, looking for more attention is common, separation anxiety is common, anger outbursts or school behavior problems are common. Sleep problems are common.
 
Eventually, despite trying to act like everything is ok, you wind up in a place of complete chaos. Your whole life seems out of control. Work is irritating, you don’t want to go home because it isn’t a place of relaxation and enjoyment anymore, you don’t even want to go to the gym because it feels like a chore.
 
The truth is, you are completely normal. What you see and hear every day is outside of the normal scope of what a human deals with. Some people seem to have no problem with it – but the reality is, they show us what they want to see – just like you. You can play it off at work like you’re strong and ok. So can they.
 
Additionally, we all come with our own backgrounds. Our experiences make a difference in how we perceive and handle situations. Those people that seem to have it all together…maybe they have found a way to let their day and experiences go. It doesn’t mean they are better than you. It means they learned different things than you throughout life. It is not good or bad. It just is.
 
It’s ok to admit that your job is stressful. It’s ok to admit that you lost faith in humanity. It’s ok to admit that you panic when the phone rings and your kids are out. You are not alone in any of these thoughts or feelings.
 
It’s true that you feel overwhelmed, worried, anxious, and even a bit paranoid. However, there are several things that can help us increase control over those worries, anxieties and thoughts. When we do these top 10 things, it is entirely possibly to regain control of yourself, your life, and your mind.
 
Keep reading for the top 10 skills to start feeling some control today.
 
Are you feeling panicky, stressed, overwhelmed, anxious, worried, irritable, or think you’re going crazy?
 
The biggest downside to this feeling of stress and overwhelm is it doesn’t get better. In fact, it just gets worse. Any new experiences we have will compound the anxieties we already have, pulling us further and further into anxiety and overwhelm.
 
At the very least, you find yourself struggling to get through the day. You struggle with all of the responsibilities and things you need to take care of. Your brain is so focused on other things, or worry about other things, that it is hard to focus on what you have to do today.
 
Living this way is defeating. It is stressful and can start a spiral down into depression and hopelessness. We end up so focused on everything that can go poorly that we physiologically cannot focus on the positives and happinesses in life. The brain has taken over and you don’t feel like you have any control to get it back.
 
Would you like to feel more in control, at peace, and living life on your terms?
 
Although you struggle with worry and anxiety, you have the potential to take control of your life and your brain. You have the ability to feel the way you want to and not be dominated by your thoughts and your worries.
 
When we use these top 10 skills for maintaining control over feelings and thoughts, there is a possibility to enjoy your life and career again. There is the hope that you will live life according to your desires and not let the brain take control of you and your life.
 
You now have the opportunity to take control of your brain and see the changes you desire. There is no quick fix; your brain has taken the reins and won’t give them up easily, especially when the stress is ongoing. However, when you do these skills, you have the opportunity to take the reins back. It is not hopeless and it is not impossible.
 
Top 10 skills to achieve a feeling of control over worry and anxiety
 
Yes it is true you may be feeling stressed, worried, and even hopeless, but it does not have to be this way. You do not have to let your brain control you. You can control our thoughts. This is not just some mumbo jumbo. Therapists use these skills that they teach every day in order to prevent burnout and stress from hearing their client’s stories day after day. Nurses use these skills every day to let go of the pain they see from their clients day after day.
 
The key to achieving control is to first realize it will take time. The brain does not want to give up control. Second is to have patience and practice these skills daily…I tell my clients to practice 200 times per day. It doesn’t matter which or all of the top 10 skills you practice, just do it 200 times per day. (Ok, so I don’t expect my clients to actually do this 200 times per day, but the more you practice, the faster you will feel the results).
 
Making these changes is not as difficult as you think because each of these skills literally can take less than a minute if you want. Or you can take all the time you want with them. They are easy to do, and some of them you may realize you do already without realizing it.
 
Take a look at these 10 skills to see how you can achieve freedom and control of yourself and your life today.
 
1. Belly breathing
 
If you’ve ever watch a baby breathe, you will see that their stomach goes up and down with their breaths. As we go through life, with all it’s stressors, we tend to stop breathing from the belly and start breathing from the chest. Belly breathing is just making sure you are taking breaths that go in and out of the belly.
 
Belly breathing works because it improves the oxygen flow throughout the body versus shallow breaths from the chest. When the oxygen goes through the body more effectively, the entire system works more efficiently. It tells the brain that all is safe right now, and there is not reason to be nervous at this moment. It also provides the brain the oxygen to think more clearly and openly. It provides oxygenated energy to the limbs as well. Thus the entire body functions more efficiently.
 
2. Grounding
 
Grounding is simply being present right here right now with your surroundings. Often when we are stressed out or upset, we lose sight of what our current surroundings are. We are so focused on what is happening in our mind that we don’t see the reality of what is happening around us.
 
To use grounding, look around you – name 5 things that you see. Name 4 things you hear. Name 3 things you physically feel. Name 2 things you smell. Name 1 thing you taste. When you use all of your senses, one at a time, you are systematically turning off the stress response and turning on the calm body response. It helps you refocus.
 
3. Energy release
 
When we have a lot of adrenalin going through our body, it causes the body to be jittery. The body is ready to use the energy for survival – the fight/flight response. Sometimes when there is too much adrenalin in the body, it is very difficult to do meditation or other activities that calm the body. Often we need to do something more active.
 
This is where energy release comes in. It doesn’t really matter what you do to release energy as long as it is done safely. Sometimes people go for a run, sometimes people scream, sometimes people use a punching bag. What you are doing is releasing the adrenalin that is pumping through your body. This energy release should be done with a purpose, though. Do it mindfully and tell yourself what you are doing and the purpose of it and what you desire upon release of the energy.
 
4. Muscle relaxation
 
When we are overwhelmed, we tend to tense our muscles. Our body is on guard. The problem with this is muscle memory. Years and years of keeping your shoulders up at your ears is it happens without thinking about it. It just becomes habit and involuntary.
 
Using muscle relaxation is something you’ll have to do frequently. As an example of muscle memory, I have been going for a massage once per month for the past 7 years. My muscles still go back to being tight between each muscle. Along with muscle memory, the stressors continue, so the body continues to tighten with new experiences.
 
Sometimes it helps to tense each muscle group and then release. Sometimes we don’t notice that our muscles are tight. So tense the feet then release. Tense the calves and release. Tense the shins and release. Tense the thighs and release. Continue up your body through your jaw and face.
 
You’ll likely notice feeling looser by the end. You’ll also feel a bit more relaxed. Although this feeling may not stay with you all day, it is helpful to the brain and body even for the time you are feeling the difference in muscle tenseness.
 
5. Distraction
 
If you go for a walk and all you say is how much you wish you were sitting on the couch, why did you get up, this isn’t helping, etc, you will not feel any better. Distraction is like mindfulness. You want to distract yourself from what you are doing and just get into it.
 
The more you are able to distract from what is happening in your mind, the easier time you will have engaging in the new activity and feeling better overall. It is very helpful to stay mindful with the distraction as it will be more effective the more mindful you stay.
 
6. Thought stopping
 
You want to get yourself out of the hamster wheel in your mind. This is not an easy thing to do as the brain wants to keep you safe and it does this by continuing to think about what is stressing you out.
 
Thought stopping is doing something quick and powerful that will get your mind onto something else. Some people say “stop” to themselves while picturing a stop sign. Other people strongly clap their hands together. You need to find what works best for you.
 
7. Be with other people
 
When you are trying to keep yourself calm and out of worry and stress, distraction is helpful as noted above. One way to distract is to be with other people. Other people will talk with you, distract you, make you laugh (or at least try), and overall keep you safe and calmer. You can vent to other people if you need. You can talk about just about anything whether it is the stress or something else.
 
8. Focus on one thing here and now
 
This is the same as mindfulness. When you do the thought stopping, you then want to stay out of the thought pattern you were just in. You can do this by thinking of one thing here and now. This can be the grounding technique, or it can be thinking of the green grass you see outside and how does grass grow? Why does some grass grow better in different locations? Why are weeds heartier than grass? Or you can sing the alphabet in your mind.
 
The point is you want to continue to distract and keep yourself focused on one thing in order to stay out of the fight/flight overwhelm response.
 
9. Sing/scream/do something verbal
 
The adrenalin not only causes the jitteriness in your body, but it also causes the desire to release in a verbal way. Sometimes screaming is what will keep you alive. The desire for the body to stay alive will therefore cause a desire for a verbal outlet.
 
By singing or screaming or using another verbal outlet, you are releasing that energy allowing your body to calm down and in turn allowing your brain to calm down turning off the stress response. This is not an easy thing to do. The brain is set to survival and it will not let go of the reins easily.
 
10. Visualization
 
You want to use every sense that you have (sight, smell, hearing, taste, touch) to help with staying calm. However, the brain puts pieces together through visualization as well. So as you are doing these other nine techniques, don’t forget about doing some visualization as well.
 
Visualize something positive and happy. Try to choose something that has no negative connotation attached, and if something pops up negatively, choose a different visualization. Some people will choose a location (somewhere they’ve been or somewhere they’d like to go or somewhere made up). Some people will choose a time in their lives that was wonderful. Some people will choose to visualize their goals and how they feel achieving those goals.
 
These 10 techniques are all very powerful, but the reality is the brain does not give up easily. If you want to take control back, YOU have to take control back. YOU have to use these techniques 200 times per day.
 
Achieving freedom from worry, anxiety and overwhelm is not an easy journey, but the end result is so uplifting. You absolutely can get your life back. You absolutely can get control over your thoughts. It is not a hopeless endeavor.
 
Meg Young, LCSW can help you get there. I specialize with people just like you – nurses, doctors, therapists, first responders, corrections officers, probation and parole officers – you who are in the trenches with people walking through their pain with them. I specialize in helping you get where you want to be, encouraging you throughout the way, but also holding you accountable.
 
This is not an easy journey, so choose strength; choose power; and call me today. 941-462-4807.