I find it interesting when I talk with people about their expectations coming to therapy. I am amazed at how many myths and misconceptions about counseling are still prevalent, which is preventing people from deciding that therapy would be helpful to them.
 
When we decide not to come to therapy due to these outdated or inaccurate beliefs about therapy, we lose out on living our lives to the fullest.
 
Not only do we lose out on living our lives to the fullest, but others lose out on us being our best. Life is so crazy now with always needing to be connected with the phones, internet, and social media, not to mention the expectations that we should be doing more with less every day.
 
When we decide that we don’t want to go to therapy because of these myths, it affects us as well as those around us. However, when we live our lives to the fullest, it shows through and others notice our positivity as well.
 
Perhaps you learned what you believe about therapy through your family and friends or perhaps through movies which often portrays therapy inaccurately. Either way, there are still have many myths and misconceptions about therapy which lead people to not want to come.
 
Unfortunately, living with these misconceptions and thus deciding therapy isn’t going to be helpful for us, perpetuates the cycle of misconceptions. It is hard to break a cycle if we don’t see the other side of the coin.
 
You are not alone when you believe several misconceptions about therapy, but there is also no reason to stay ignorant to the truth when there is so much information out there. It is normal to be skeptical if therapy can help, but the reality is, unless you are willing to try something, you will never know what you personally believe about it.
 
It’s true that you may be skeptical about whether therapy can help you, but the fact that you are reading this blog tells me that you are willing to challenge the misconceptions you may have about therapy. By challenging several of the most common myths and misconceptions about therapy, we can look at the other side and make our own decisions.
 
Keep reading for the top 10 myths and realities about counseling so you can challenge your own thoughts and do what is right for you to feel better as quickly as possible.
 
THERAPY ISN’T FOR YOU; IT CAN’T HELP YOU…OR CAN IT?
 
The biggest downfall to continuing to believe these outdated beliefs about therapy is continuing the cycle of incorrect beliefs. The thought that therapy is only for sick or weak individuals is just not true and as our culture is becoming faster and requiring more of us with less resources, the need for therapy becomes greater.
 
At the very least, continuing the believe those outdated myths will prevent you from your own growth and development. There are so many benefits to therapy for each individual that when we move past the old beliefs and try something we previously discounted, we are able to see the real power of counseling.
 
Living with these outdated beliefs is discouraging because it perpetuates stigma and prevents growth. It will take time for the entirety of the stigma to dissipate. If I can help just one person change some of their outdated beliefs about therapy, this blog will be worth it.
 
LIVING THE LIFE YOU REALLY WANT, ENJOYING YOURSELF, YOUR JOB, AND YOUR LIFE AS A WHOLE
 
Isn’t this what we all want? Although you struggle with the belief of whether therapy can actually help you, you have the potential to challenge those thoughts and learn the reality of what therapy can do for you.
 
When we challenge these outdated beliefs, we have the opportunity to learn something new and understand it better. When we understand something, we are more likely to feel comfortable with it.
 
When we choose to open our minds to hearing what the reality is about a situation, we have the possibility to change so much about our world. Outdated beliefs and stigmas are often at the root of so many of our world’s dilemmas and pitfalls.
 
TOP 10 MYTHS AND REALITIES ABOUT THERAPY TO HELP YOU MAKE A MORE EDUCATED DECISION ON WHETHER THERAPY CAN HELP YOU
 
Yes it’s true you may still be skeptical about therapy, but just an understanding of what the myths and realities are can make a big difference in your opinions.
 
The key to making educated and informed decisions is to hear all sides of the situation. If you only listen to one side, you do not get the full picture. As for therapy, our world changes as we change. Maybe some of the myths you believe were once true. Additionally, where you get your information makes a great difference on whether it is accurate or not. Many movies do not portray therapy as it truly is.
 
Take a look at these top 10 myths and realities and see how many of the myths you believe. I would love to hear from you after reading them. How many did you believe? What did reading the realities make you think and feel? Are you still skeptical? Do you believe the realities or are the myths so ingrained that it is hard to believe the facts?
 
Take a look at these top 10 myths and realities of counseling you so can make an educated and informed decision about what counseling is really like and whether it will help you
 
Myth 1: Therapy is only for people who are “weak” or “crazy”
I completely understand this one. Many people believe this. Sometimes it’s because we are told by family and friends, other times it’s what is portrayed in social media or movies. Still other times people are told “I did it without therapy” which makes us think we “should” be able to as well.
 
Reality 1: Therapy can help literally everyone with something at some point in their lives
We are all going through something. To make matters worse, our culture is not supportive of a calm lifestyle which our brains need. We are designed to shut down and rest. We are not designed to go, go, go. With the advent of social media and the advent of cell phones with internet, we have a hard time shutting down. Additionally, we are asked to do more with less every day at work. We all bring baggage from out past into our present. It is just a matter of how that baggage is stored. If things went ideally for you throughout your entire life, your baggage will never bother you. However, nobody has everything going ideally for them throughout their entire lives. There is no blame here at all. The reality is nobody and no life is absolutely perfect.
 
When things don’t go ideally, it does not mean you are weak or crazy. When you need and ask for support, ideas or advice, you are strong. Think about what your supervisor does for you at work. Or when you hire someone to cut your trees. When you ask questions and get advice and help from these people, you don’t think twice about it. But their support, guidance, and ability to help you is vital to your goals. Therapy is exactly the same.
 
Myth 2: Therapy is endless
If you know anything about Sigmund Freud, you will know that he did long term therapy with his clients. Because of that, and how much people rely on old knowledge, it make sense that you would think you’d be in therapy forever.
 
Reality 2: Counseling can be very short term or very long term
First of all, if you are paying with insurance, many insurance companies don’t want to pay forever. They only allow a certain number of visits to a therapist per year. That aside, there are several “forms” of therapy including one called Solution Focused Brief Therapy. The point of therapy is to get out of it what you want. If you want a short term approach, that is a possibility. Everyone who comes to therapy comes with different needs, desires, goals, and motivations. Sometimes counseling can be as short as 3-5 sessions. Other times it can be years.
 
Myth 3: I have to lie down on a couch
This one probably came from reality. Sigmund Freud did a lot of psychoanalysis in which he had his clients on a couch. However, it was likely solidified in our beliefs through movies.
 
Reality 3: Depending on the type of therapy you do, most therapist want you sitting up
We want to have a conversation with you. We want to see you and your body language. This is all hard to do when you are lying down. Additionally, we want this to be a safe environment. Lying down can make people feel more vulnerable.
 
Myth 4: I will be blamed/shamed, or my parents will
Movies will sometimes portray that “it’s your parent’s fault” or society will believe that “you should have known better” so it makes sense that you worry about this. Nobody wants to be told that they are their family is “bad” or did something wrong.
 
Reality 4: We are not here to blame or shame anyone
It hurt when you were blamed as a child, especially when you didn’t have control over a situation. Therapists don’t want to recreate that. Therapy isn’t about blame. We don’t “care” about fault. We care about helping you find the solutions you are looking for to meet your goals. If you want to understand where some negative self belief (I’m an idiot for example) came from, we can help you identify whether these were real or perceived statements to you growing up that you took on for example, but again, we will not blame anybody.
 
Myth 5: Therapists can’t help because they haven’t been through it.
This is a very common myth. There are several places that this came from, and honestly, there might be some truth to somebody not being able to comprehend the magnitude of what you are dealing with. We all have different experiences and experience things in different ways, so it makes sense that you feel alone and possibly even misunderstood.
 
Reality 5: Even if we went through what you did, it does not mean we understand what you are going through.
We do not have to go through what you did to understand that you are hurting, confused, angry, hopeless, helpless, or need help at this moment.
 
Everybody comes to the table with a different set of experiences in life. The same event happening to two people can cause completely different reactions in them. For example, my family went through Hurricane Andrew in Miami when I was a kid. My brother is a year younger than me. I was completely traumatized by the hurricane for years, but my brother never stressed over it afterward. He slept fine the next night (not me!), he didn’t become obsessed with weather (I did!), he doesn’t stress out when severe weather happens in other parts of the US (yup, I still do). We grew up together, but for some reason, this hurricane was much more impactful to me than to my brother. Two people going through the same experience with very different after effects.
 
A therapist’s job is to help you through your pain. We can empathize with your pain without having to feel it ourselves and still be very effective therapists.
 
Myth 6: Good therapy happens only in a medical environment
Ok, I don’t know where this came from. Likely a Western Medical Model. There are a lot of clinics which include a psychiatrist, and many therapists work within a primary care facility as well. However, there are many who are in private practice and their offices are not stark and medical-like.
 
Reality 6: Therapy can happen in many environments
Aside from what I said above about non-medical looking offices, I know therapists who work with adolescents. They will often take the adolescent outside to play basketball or go for a walk. Adolescents don’t necessarily sit still in a therapist’s office well.
 
The reality is the number one factor in how successful therapy is is the therapeutic relationship. If the client trusts the therapist, the therapy is more likely to be successful. If a therapist stays rigid and unbending to people’s differences, we may miss that therapeutic alliance.
 
Myth 7: I will go into therapy blind; I won’t know what to expect
When you walk into a therapist’s office for the first time (even if you’ve been to therapy before), you may worry that you won’t know what to expect. Every therapist is different and every experience is different. So it makes sense that you worry about this. Unknowns are pretty scary sometimes.
 
Reality 7: What is the number one predictor in how successful therapy will be? The relationship.
Because of that, we want you to know what to expect in every step of the process. Every therapist is different, but we all want the same feeling of safety for you. If you don’t know what to expect, please ask the therapist.
 
Myth 8: Therapy is not a collaborative process; the therapist guides it all
Many people come to therapy because they don’t know what to do to get where they want to be. Because of this, they expect the therapist to do what they think it right and guide the treatment. Whereas therapists will guide the treatment to some degree, you are in the driver’s seat.
 
Reality 8: Therapy works best when it is a collaborative process.
The therapist cannot know what is going on in your mind or what you need without your input. Furthermore, the therapist cannot know whether therapy is on the right track without your input. You are paying the therapist for a service. Why would you not be involved in the process?
 
Myth 9: I cannot ask therapists questions, especially about them
You may have gone to therapy in the past and asked a therapist a question about themselves in which they turned that question back on you. A common question is “do you have kids?” When a therapist is asked this, the therapist may turn it back on the client to know what is underlying that question. Is it a concern that the therapist won’t be able to understand you because they don’t have kids themselves?
 
Because many times questions to therapists have been turned back on the client, it makes sense that you may believe this.
 
Reality 9: Some level of self disclosure may be appropriate, but therapy is not an even playing field relationship
Therapists are taught in school to not self-disclose. We are taught that there is always an underlying concern that we should address when a client asks us a question. However, a certain level of self-disclosure may be helpful to the therapeutic relationship at times.
 
Furthermore, therapists are a bit more transparent than several years ago. We try to be seen as human and not some stoic thing. This being said, you are paying us for a service. We do not want to blur those boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable.
 
If you ask a personal question of the therapist and the therapist doesn’t respond, that does not mean they won’t to other questions. It depends on whether the question is appropriate to be answered.
 
Myth 10: Confidentiality isn’t a reality
You may wonder how we go home and when our significant others ask how our day was, we don’t share. Some people have very intense or interesting stories that it may seem odd that we wouldn’t want to share. Maybe we would like to share or even vent to a significant other. However, the majority of therapists out there understand the importance of confidentiality. Even sharing something as simple as a story may be enough to break confidentiality.
 
Reality 10: Breaking confidentiality does happen, but it is not the norm by any means
Things happen whether on purpose or by accident. Most therapists are very ethical and try very hard to not break confidentiality. If you attend a group, that puts another spin on things – we cannot guarantee that the other group members will maintain confidentiality, although it is something stated in every group meeting.
 
Many therapists attend supervision or consultation and will have you sign a confidentiality statement so you know when and how your confidentiality may be broken. Many therapists will add into this confidentiality statement that we attend consultation and do our best to protect your confidentiality, however we may discuss your case in order to better help you through additional ideas from the consultation meetings.
 
These 10 myths are very common, but there might be other myths I did not address here. It is important for you to be educated about how therapy can help you and by busting myths, you may feel more confident and comfortable giving therapy a try.
 
It is important to do some research on the therapist you may choose. There are so many therapists and there is so much information on the internet that there is no reason you should just choose a therapist out of a hat and hope for the best.
 
You absolutely can reach your full potential and obtain the life you want. You can reach your goals, feel better, more confident, more in control of yourself and your life. Attending therapy today is very different than attending therapy a decade ago, but it is also very similar.
 
I want to help you make an educated decision on whether therapy is right for you and choosing a good therapist. Even if I am not the right therapist for you, I look forward to hearing your responses and any myths I didn’t address to help you better understand what therapy is all about and whether it is the right choice for you.
 
Subscribe to my youtube channel as well as I have several videos there about therapy!

As the strong protector you are, I’m sure you’ve thought several times to yourself that you don’t need other people. You don’t need help from others. You can do it yourself. If you can’t do it, what does that say about you?
 
If this sounds like you, you are not alone. However, when we live our lives believing we do not need help or support from others, it affects us in so many ways. We are social beings and need others in one way or another throughout our lives.
 
If it’s ok to ask for help making dinner, why is it not ok to ask for emotional help? The downsides to not asking for help include spiraling further down and can ultimately lead to suicidal thoughts or actions in many people. In reality, nobody is immune to suicidal thoughts. We all have a breaking point somewhere. Without support from others, these thoughts can turn deadly.
 
Not only does not asking for help impact our own safety and wellbeing, but it affects those around us. As we are spiraling down, sometimes without even realizing that we are headed that way, others notice the changes in us. Others notice the withdrawing behaviors, the irritability, the sarcasm, the increased drinking, the increased gambling, the increased time at the gym.
 
Thankfully, but unfortunately at the same time, first responder suicides is gaining more attention. This brings to light the fact that your job is incredibly stressful and if you start feeling this way, you are not alone. You may have heard stories of other first responders who succumbed to thoughts of suicide or ended up in rehab for alcoholism, or their relationship ended in divorce.
 
At the time, you may have thought nothing of it, or you may have believed it would never happen to you. These sorts of things can’t be common. They must only happen to people who are not strong enough; people that shouldn’t have gone into the field anyway.
 
Unfortunately, all this does is distance yourself from reality even more. When we live our lives believing it could never happen to me, we tend to miss the signs and we tend to disregard what others say to us, putting ourselves in greater risk.
 
Eventually you find yourself where you never thought you’d be. You wind up in a place of confusion, caught off guard. You might even beat yourself up over it, not sure how you missed all the signs. Beating yourself up just brings you further down.
 
The truth is it is completely normal to want to be able to do it alone. It is completely normal to want to feel strong. It is completely normal to believe it cannot or will not happen to you. It is also completely normal for you to feel out of control of your mind and life.
 
It’s true that you feel cut off and ostracized, with several areas of your life impacted at this point. However, if we can grow and gather our support herd, we can both come back from this feeling of isolation and prevent a further decline in our lives. Once you have identified your support herd, it is entirely possible to pull on their strength until we can do it independently again. Support is not a one way road, your support herd will need their own support as well. As you regain your strength, you will be able to support them as well.
 
Keep reading to learn how to increase feelings of connection with yourself, your friends and family, and your life today.
 
FEELING ALONE, ISOLATED, MAYBE STARTING TO NOT TRUST PEOPLE
 
The biggest downfall to not finding a quality herd to help and support you through the worst times is that you continue to fall further down. We are social beings and need each other for support, encouragement, and help at times during our lives.
 
At the very least, you find yourself alone and sad. That sadness may show as anger, resentment, apathy, or a whole variety of other feelings. It all boils down to we need people in our lives.
 
Living without others’ help and support is isolating and damaging. It damages our self worth, relationships, and ultimately our quality of life.
 
ENGAGING IN LIFE, FAMILY, WORK, AND THE WORLD
 
Although you struggle with feelings of disconnection, you have the potential to reconnect with your family, friends, life, and the world. You have the potential to feel part of the world again and not so detached from everything.
 
When we choose to develop a quality herd, one that is quality over quantity for sure, there is a possibility for improvement in all aspects of your life.
 
You have the opportunity to become involved in life again. You will be able to see that you are a part of life, breathe the air and feel human again.
 
AS SOCIAL BEINGS, IT IS VITAL THAT WE HAVE A QUALITY HERD TO HELP US THROUGH THE DARK TIMES AS WELL AS THE NOT SO DARK TIMES. OUR HERD IS OUR SURVIVAL.
 
Yes it is true you may be feeling distant from life at this point, but it does not have to be this way forever. The key to achieving attachment to life is to find the right herd; not just anybody, but the right people.
 
Finding these people and adding them to your herd is not as difficult as you think because they are already in your life. When you follow a quick exercise, you will be able to identify those who are most suited to join your herd and support you along the darkest moments of your life.
 
Take a look at these next steps to see how you can achieve connection to yourself and the world around you with the support of your herd
 
One of the reasons you struggle with feeling so alone is because of the culture you are in. First responders are supposed to be strong and independent. You are not supposed to need help.
 
But I know you don’t do everything alone. You have partners, you have others who help you do your job and you couldn’t do it without them.
 
So why is it different with your emotional well-being? Why is it so taboo to talk about the need to take care of your own mental wellbeing?
 
It doesn’t have to stay this way when you start finding your herd; when you start using the people around you in a supportive way and allow them to call on you when they need it as well.
 
Anybody who is in the trenches with other people’s suffering is going to be impacted by that in some way. Some people will understand because they’ve been there or are there currently. Others will understand because they can only imagine what you go through.
 
You do not have to share details of anything you see and “traumatize” your friends and family in order to use them as support and strength.
 
The important thing with identifying your herd is you want quality over quantity. It doesn’t matter how many people you have as long as this crew are people you know you can trust and rely on.
 
Different people have different strengths. As you do the below exercise to identify your herd, keep this in mind. Some people may be assets to you in ways you don’t think of immediately.
 
Give yourself some quiet time to think. Grab a piece of paper and a pen because you’ll want that handy at the end of this exercise. This is an exercise I do with my clients and in session it is quite powerful. My clients identify people who are helpful to them who they hadn’t thought about in a long time.
 
When you do this exercise, you will notice that you are not alone. You will notice that there are people you can reciprocate the support to. You will notice a feeling of connection and hope.
 
Step 1: Think about everyone throughout your life who has added to your self esteem, who encouraged you, and who you felt safe and supported by.
 
This can be family, teachers, friend’s parents, coaches, etc. These people may be present currently in your life or helpful in the past but are no longer helpful to you.
 
They might be imagined people, celebrities, and those no longer alive. These are people who would not judge you and who you felt supported by.
 
Step 2: Call them in being aware of who they are, what they look like, and their names. Make this as concrete as possible, reminding yourself these are the figures you could call on when needing support in your daily life, whether for wisdom, emotional support, play, etc.
 
Step 3: Review the members of your team and ask any members who you no longer feel completely supported by or safe with to leave. Watch them leave and invite new members to take the places of those you have asked to leave.
 
Step 4: Imagine them coming forward and providing you with some words of wisdom and support. Now come back into the room and write down your herd.
 
How many people did you come up with? Remember this exercise is about quality over quantity so even if you came up with less than a handful that is ok.
 
You can repeat this exercise if you want to have different grades or types of support as well.
 
When you schedule a session with me, this is only the beginning of your reconnection with yourself, your life, and your family. This exercise, when done with my clients provides them with the knowledge and support they need to continue through the difficult parts of their journey towards healing.
 
Achieving a feeling of connection will take time. Finding your support herd can also take time. This step is so important and so powerful that many of my clients feel relief just from this exercise. When you feel reconnected it is such a powerful feeling of freedom and relief.
 
You absolutely can feel in control and stable within your life and world. This culture of strength and independence will grow to include yourself and other first responders. When this happens, I expect to see the number of first responder suicides decline.
 
You are strong. You are independent. You have what it takes. But sometimes having a bit of support will help you maintain your connection with yourself and the world. We are social beings and need to rely on others for support every now and then.
 
I specialize in first responders, medical professionals and court professionals. I specialize in helping people who see, hear, and deal with other people’s pain and suffering on a daily basis not lose connection with themselves and their lives, and if they have, to help them pull that feeling of confidence and strength back.
 
I look forward to helping you along that journey, at whatever place you are in on that journey. If you are not yet sure if therapy is for you, may I suggest that you take a look at some of my other blogs, especially 6 tips to Identifying when to seek therapy.
 
Wherever you are on your journey, I wish you the best. When you are ready to take the next step and complete your reconnection with life, call or email me. 941-462-4807 or meg@megyounglcsw.com.

How many times have you given up on your goals? Or decided that it was “too hard” and couldn’t get yourself motivated enough to reach your goals?
 
Growth requires that we push ourselves and get out of our comfort zones. However, so many times, we give up on our goals because we give into the above statements.
 
Unfortunately, because of this, we often beat ourselves up and use a lot of “should” statements.
 
The downsides to beating ourselves up and should statements are pretty clear. We feel less motivated, we don’t feel good about ourselves, we revert to old behaviors or ways, and spin our wheels.
 
Should statements are awful. “I should have done…” It doesn’t help us as we cannot change the past. Instead of motivating us for next time, we are chastising ourselves. Do you remember when you were a kid and got criticized over something that you did wrong? Maybe you did something intentionally, maybe it was an accident, and maybe you didn’t do it at all, but got blamed anyway. It didn’t feel good.
 
So why do we start criticizing ourselves as we become adults? It didn’t feel good then, but we’re ok with it now?! Should statements are all about something we no longer have control over and do not help us move forward in goals or life. Honestly, they often don’t help us do differently in a similar future situation.
 
When was the last time you gave up on a goal? At first you may have felt excited to get started on the goal. You had all the best intentions and felt confident about it. Then it was time to work on the goal. Maybe you even did it for awhile, but then it started feeling more like a chore. Or maybe you were tired and had to push yourself, but didn’t feel like it.
 
You may have pushed it for awhile, but you found yourself not liking it and unhelpful thoughts kept coming up. “Don’t do it now” “it’s not helping” “you’re not good enough” “You don’t feel like it” “it’s too cold” “You’re too tired.”
 
Unfortunately, none of these statements will help any of us stay focused on our goals. Doing something new is not easy and we tend to like the easy path.
 
Eventually you found yourself back to old behaviors and not working towards that goal anymore. You were out of your comfort zone and didn’t like it. This is so normal!
 
It’s true that these are all normal feelings and thoughts. It’s true that you are not alone. The great thing about the human spirit is we are resilient. We try again….and again… Sometimes we do the exact same thing expecting a different result, but you know what? We still tried again! When we learn just six tips to stick with when going out of our comfort zone, we are more likely to reach our goals without repeated attempts bringing us down and making is feel more hopeless about reaching our goals. When we utilize these six tips while going out of our comfort zone, it is entirely possible to reach our goals quicker and with less stress than previously attempted.
 
Keep reading for 6 tips so you can push through the discomfort and reach your goals faster
 
HAVE YOU GIVEN UP ON YOUR GOALS? TRIED AND TRIED AGAIN, BUT IT IS TOO DIFFICULT? DOES IT FEEL LIKE TOO MUCH EFFORT?
 
The biggest downfall to taking the easy path is not growing. When living things don’t grow, they start dying. When we stop growing, we start dying as well. But we are also wired to do things the easy way, thus preventing growth.
 
At the very least, you find yourself frustrated. A bit more and you find yourself hopeless. Nothing seems to be working. Nothing seems to keep you on track. It seems to be a never-ending cycle. Even when you push yourself it doesn’t feel quite as good as you were hoping.
 
Living in this cycle is tiresome. We just want to meet our goals and want to meet them with the least amount of effort. Honestly, there is so much going on day to day that when we have to think about pushing ourselves to do something we may not really want to do right now, it seems easier to just give in and say “never mind.”
 
FEELING STRONG, COMPETENT, DETERMINED, WALKING TALL, FEELING FABULOUS
 
Although you struggle, like the rest of us, with motivation and pushing ourselves outside the comfort zone, you have the potential to hack the cycle and get your goals met. You have the ability to be where you want to be in life and who you want to be in life.
 
When we choose to incorporate six tips into our goals, there is a possibility for real results. There is the possibility that you will do things and reach goals you never thought possible. There is the possibility that you will once and for all break the cycle of giving up on goals.
 
You have the opportunity to incorporate six hacks and see the reality of your goals coming to fruition. Six tips to stay on top of your goals when you are out of your comfort zone and not sure you really want to continue on this journey can mean the difference between meeting your goals and not.
 
6 TIPS TO ACHIEVING YOUR GOALS WHEN YOU ARE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE
 
Yes it’s true you may be feeling hopeless; saying to yourself that you have done everything and nothing works, but people meet their goals every day. People go outside their comfort zone and take risks resulting in huge life improvements (and also small ones).
 
The key to achieving this feeling of accomplishment is to take it one step at a time. Tomorrow will come. One year from today will come. Take it one day at a time using these tips and your goals are much more likely to be realized.
 
Making these changes is not as hard as you think because some of it you already know and some of it may seem more obvious. When you already know something, it is easier to do the task. When you use these six hacks…that you already know…you can achieve something great.
 
Take a look at these six tips to see how you can get out of your comfort zone and meet your goals.
 
1. Get support from others
When you are setting goals for yourself, one of the best ways to maintain motivation to continue is to get support from others. Reach out to others. When it is hard and you don’t feel like it anymore (or just don’t feel like it today), reaching out and getting support could be the difference between continuing to reach for your goals and giving up on your goals.
 
This is so successful that support groups are founded on it. You see it in AA and other recovery groups, as well as groups such as weight watchers. Support when going out of your comfort zone is a huge factor in success for many people.
 
2. Accountability
Accountability goes along with support and reaching out. When you have someone who you can count on specifically who can hold you accountable to your goals, that is another huge factor in success.
 
Support groups such as AA use this aspect as well. Sponsors are the AA member’s accountability partner. Whereas these accountability partners are one sided, they still do the job. Similarly, when you have a gym buddy, you are more likely to go to the gym.
 
3. Keep your goal and your why in front of you at all times
Why do you want to meet this goal? Ask yourself why several times. For example, I want to get my mind out of frequent panic. Why? Because I want to make good decisions at work. Why? Because I want to protect and serve the community and my family Why? Because it truly is my calling. Keep asking yourself why until you feel the “oh yes, that is it!”
 
When you have your goal and your why in front of you, you are more likely to stick with it. When you look at your goal, but struggle with the why, many people lose focus of their goal. The why is incredibly important and highly helpful in maintaining motivation towards your goal.
 
4. Small progress is still progress
We often give up on our goals because we don’t see progress being made. We want to feel better now. We want to see results now. Don’t lose sight of progress you’ve made in any form.
 
Sometimes progress is found in ways we don’t expect. If you are not seeing results, identify whether there’s another way to measure your progress. If so, check on your progress that way.
 
When people take two steps forward and one step back, they are still one step ahead of where they were when they started. This is also important to keep in mind. Small progress is still progress. You will get there.
 
5. Motivation follows action
I’ve talked about this before. Motivation is frequently not there when you need it. Motivation follows action. You may not feel motivated to step outside your comfort zone. However, motivation follows action. Just do it. You’ll feel good about yourself once you do it.
 
It is important not to get bogged down with motivation. When we are stressed out, our body is putting so much energy into “survival” that we have little energy left for motivation. It will not be easy to step out of your comfort zone and waiting to become motivated may take a long time.
 
6. Don’t go so far out of your comfort zone that you give up
This is a very important tip. I often talk to my clients about this with the metaphor of exercise. If you can do 50 situps easily, but then decide to do 100, you may have just stepped so far out of your comfort zone that you give up. You feel very sore and are very unhappy with that decision and decide not to do it again.
 
It is important to take reasonable steps when going outside your comfort zone. Not going out at all will prevent growth and going too far out will cause many to want to give up. There is a balance there somewhere of how far out of your comfort is optimal. Everyone is different so I cannot say how far to push yourself.
 
When you schedule a session with Meg Young, LCSW, we will go over what your why is with your goal, help you find the real reason you want to meet this goal, then help you identify your herd (your support network), any accountability partners, which often includes me, and help you identify how far to go out of your comfort zone.
 
Achieving your goals when going out of your comfort zone is a thrilling feeling. You absolutely can reach your goals and it does not have to be that difficult. It is always a journey, but sometimes the journey is not as hard as it seems at first.
 
Meg Young, LCSW, focuses on education and encouragement to help you meet your goals in the fastest way possible. We work together to get you out of your comfort zone and into a new and better emotional and behavioral place.
 
Take a look at my youtube page which will provide you with additional tips, tricks and advice as well as other blogs to get an idea of who I am. Then give me a call to schedule your appointment. I specialize in moving first responders, medical professionals and court professionals from internal chaos to internal control both online and in person. I can be reached at 941-462-4807 or feel free to email as well at meg@megyounglcsw.com. Choose strength! I look forward to talking with you.

Therapy isn’t for you, is it? Therapy is for people who can’t do it on their own. People who are sick. People who are “tapped”, “crazy”, “nuts”, “psycho”, and “loony”. Or maybe you don’t stigmatize therapy, but you just don’t think it is right for you. Maybe if you dig deep enough you do feel some stigma walking into a therapist’s office. Whatever the reason, you have decided therapy is not for you.
 
Unfortunately, by denying that you may need more than you can do on your own, you are setting yourself up for a potential worsening cycle.
 
You may notice your own spiral down, or you may notice changes in others such as your kids. Children are very perceptive, but they lack awareness. They know something isn’t right, but they don’t know what and often just react to the change without the understanding behind their behaviors or the situation.
 
Not only does living life believing therapy isn’t for you impacting you and your family, but it has ripple effects across everyone you are in contact with every day. As you change, those around you change.
 
Several years back when superhero movies were getting big, I remember a television show called, I believe, “Superhuman.” Don’t quote me on that. I only saw one episode, and of that I only saw the end of the episode. However, despite not seeing most of it and it being years ago, it stuck with me.
 
In this episode, a man with no legs decided he was going to climb a mountain…I don’t remember which. This was a very steep mountain and he trained for a long time. He used an arm bike to get up the mountain and had people with him who would “help” him by putting boards down making it easier to get across difficult terrain. However, they were not allowed to actually do anything to help him. They could not pull him, push him, or aid him in any physical manner.
 
This man made it so close to the top (I don’t recall exactly how close) before he lost steam and couldn’t get that last part. He asked his comrades to help. They tied a rope to his bike and pulled while he continued to use his arms to get up the mountain. He made it to the top. In the interview afterward, he said he was so determined to do this alone, but it’s ok to ask for help. Sometimes you just have to have help to meet your goals. He did not regret asking for help and said that he learned a valuable lesson by asking for and accepting help at that time.
 
I wonder if you can relate to this story. You may be trying so very hard, and pushing against needing help, but what if it’s time? What if now is when you could meet your goals if you just asked for help?
 
Without asking for help, you will wind up deeper and deeper in a hole. You can only fight against the stress in the brain for so long before it takes control of you.
 
The truth is we all need help in our lives. Maybe we ask a friend for advice on choosing the right car. Maybe we ask our parent for help with childcare. Maybe we turn to youtube to do a DIY project. Many people struggle with whether or not they need therapy. As they struggle with this question, they find themselves continuing to struggle in their lives.
 
Right now you are questioning whether you need therapy. You are feeling more out of control than you want to admit. However, if we can identify six key points, we may understand that now is the time we need to ask for someone to aid us in getting up that mountain. When we make the decision to go to therapy, it is entirely possible to meet our goals so much faster than if we continue to fight against it.
 
Keep reading for six tips so you can make an educated decision and start feeling better today.
 
THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, THE MIND THAT WILL NOT TURN OFF, THE FIGHTS WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, THE REGRESSIVE BEHAVIORS OF YOUR CHILDREN – YOU’VE HAD ENOUGH!
 
The biggest downside to not being willing to seek the help of a therapist is not feeling better. You don’t like how life is going now, but you’ll turn to every website out there trying to fix it yourself. Nothing’s worked.
 
At the very least, you find yourself tired and irritable. You try to push it aside, you try to deny it. But it doesn’t seem to be working; you’re still tired and irritable.
 
Living with the feelings of dread and exhaustion is making you feel more tired and more stressed. It’s an annoying spiral that you don’t feel any relief from.
 
YOU CANNOT CHANGE WITHOUT OTHERS AROUND YOU CHANGING. THE FIGHTS WITH YOUR SIGNFIICANT OTHER CAN DECREASE OR END COMPLETELY, YOUR CHILDREN’S BEHAVIOR CAN IMPROVE, YOU CAN SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT AND YOU CAN GAIN CONTROL OVER YOUR OUT OF CONTROL MIND.
 
Although you struggle with the belief you can do this yourself, while wondering if that is really true, you have the potential to feel better. You can keep doing what you’ve been doing and get the same results, or do something different.
 
When we choose to do something different, there is a possibility for a different outcome, including feeling in control of ourselves, our minds, and our lives. You have the opportunity to get your life back quicker than you know.
 
Yes it’s true you may be feeling conflicted right now, but when you understand that nothing is wrong with you and we all need some help throughout our lives, you have the potential to pass this knowledge on to others and feel more confident yourself.
 
The key to achieving this is to recognize that everyone needs help some times during their lives. Deciding to accept help is not a failure and not a weakness.
 
Take a look at these 6 tips to see whether it is time for you to seek therapy for yourself
 
1. You’ve had enough
This seems like it would be an obvious one, but it’s not always that obvious. There is no concrete way to know that we have had enough. It is just a feeling that we get. Sometimes the feelings of being burnt out and cynical about everything can overshadow even the most obvious signs.
 
Take a look at your world right now. What is going well? What isn’t? What have you done to try and change what isn’t going well? Sit with your feelings for just a moment, because I know this will not be easy – are you tired? Angry? Fed up? Frustrated? Hopeless?
 
When you take a look at where you are right now and how you are feeling you might get this nagging notion that enough’s enough. But then what do you do about it? The first thought may be “don’t go to therapy” – and I’m not saying you should. I’m saying this is one indicator that therapy may be helpful.
 
2. It is impacting your home life
How is your relationship with your significant other? How about with your friends? How about with your family – parents, siblings, etc? Have you stopped hanging out with them as much? Do you worry about them more? Are you more protective over them than you used to be? Are you more sarcastic with them?
 
Taking a look at what has changed at home is another good indicator as to whether therapy could be beneficial. Your behaviors will eventually have an impact on those you love. Even if it hasn’t yet. As you change, so will they.
 
3. Nothing you’ve tried is working
How much have you looked up online trying to make it all better? The internet is a wealth of resources. There is so much information out there and honestly, a great deal of it is appropriate and helpful when it comes to techniques to deal with your emotional and mental well-being.
 
Another indicator may be that even though you’ve tried everything the internet has to say, you still aren’t feeling better. You may be wondering, if all of it is appropriate, how will a therapist be any different? Therapists have a way of helping you through the roadblocks that prevented the techniques from working. When therapists go to school to get their degree, it is not just about learning these techniques that you find online. There is a lot more that a therapist will be able to help you through so the techniques will be more effective than just trying them on your own.
 
4. Others say you need therapy
This is a pretty big indicator, but also one of the biggest that we blow off. Nobody wants to hear “you’re not well.” Or “You’ve changed.” Or “You need help.” The reality of this is when someone says “you”, we tend to immediately feel defensive. It doesn’t feel good.
 
On the other side of the coin, we are able to make excuses for ourselves very easily and don’t have a very objective view of ourselves. You know those commercials about Snickers – You just aren’t yourself when you’re hungry? There is a truth to this for many people. As our blood sugar drops, we act differently. We may make an excuse about our behavior saying “I was hungry when I said that” or “I had such a stressful day and deserved the drink (or two) when I got home.” These statements may be true, but they are also an indicator that we are not taking good care of ourselves. If we let ourselves get so hungry we yell at others, or so stressed out that we drink more, we probably need to do better with self care.
 
Others will often notice that these “excuses” have been more frequent and therefore likely not actually true reasons for while we are acting that way. They can look at us from an objective viewpoint. It is very helpful to listen to what others say and not just dismiss it. Just because you hear them out does not mean you have to agree with them or do what they say.
 
5. It is impacting your health (heart, blood pressure, weight)
Another huge indicator that our stress management techniques aren’t working is in the body. The brain and body are well coordinated to work in conjunction. When the brain believes there is danger, it signals the body to get ready for survival. This includes sending adrenalin and cortisol into the body to give energy to the limbs. Additionally, the heart rate increases and blood pressure increases. When the brain believes there’s danger time and time again, the mechanics of the brain figure that staying in a constant state of awareness will be better for survival. So, adrenalin and cortisol are constantly kicked out into the system. The most common ongoing physiological response to constant adrenalin and cortisol release is the blood pressure staying elevated.
 
If you have been doing everything you see on line that should be helping, but your most recent physical indicated you have high blood pressure, weight changes, or other physical ailments, it may be time to think about getting additional support from a therapist to decrease the physiological responses the body is having.
 
6. Your children’s behaviors have regressed
As I mentioned above, your behaviors will impact others. You cannot throw a rock in the pond and not have ripple effects. Our children are very perceptive and will know that something is different or isn’t right, even if they don’t know how to express it or don’t recognize it at a conscious level.
 
Have you noticed that your children regressed to behaviors they’ve already overcome? Bed wetting, temper tantrums, etc? Or maybe you’ve noticed that they’ve become more clingy – refusing to go to bed, not wanting to be left alone. Or maybe their school performance has dropped. There are a million behavior changes that could happen and no one child will react exactly the same as others.
 
Have a conversation with your spouse and with others who interact with your children – teachers, coaches, friends parents, etc. What have they noticed? When did this behavior change start? What can you do to help your children in this case? Somethings you’ll be able to do alone, but other things you may find that therapy for yourself or them may be helpful in helping them cope with life stressors and changes.
 
Knowing when you should seek therapy is a personal decision. Everyone has their own needs and own things going on. When you take a look at these six tips and notice that you meet one or more of them, it may be time to consider getting the additional support of a therapist.
 
There is nothing wrong with you if you seek therapy. This is actually a sign of strength as you know your limits. You don’t lift three times more than you know you safely can; you ask for help. Attending therapy is exactly the same. We can only go so far on our own before needing the support of other people. Knowing your limits will help you maintain safety and stability in life.
 
You absolutely can get yourself back to where you want to be in life. You absolutely can feel better, stronger, calmer, and more stable. Meg Young, LCSW can help you get there, even if I am not the right therapist for you. Just by reaching out to me, I can point you in a direction that will help you get your needs met. I have helped many people just like you obtain the freedom from unhelpful feelings and thoughts and obtaining the life they so much desired to get back.
 
If you haven’t already read my blog outlining the top five things to think about when choosing a therapist, check it out here! It is a great followup to this blog.
I hope you choose strength today and give me a call to schedule an appointment. 941-462-4807.