We all get angry and scared. We all have a variety of emotions that we feel and how we express those feelings indicates “who we are.” No. I completely disagree with this way of thinking. The problem with this way of thinking is we make ourselves helpless. We believe we cannot change. You didn’t always respond this way. You don’t have to moving forward, either.
 
When we overreact, people may start to avoid us or not tell us important things out of fear of our reaction. We may start to dislike our own behaviors, but not be sure how to change them. We may start to beat ourselves up, saying things like “I’m an idiot; I can’t believe I did that again.” Or “I hate myself for acting this way, but I don’t know how to stop it.”
 
The downsides to not being able to control our emotions, aside from everything above, is the more we do a certain behavior, the harder it is to change. The brain gets used to doing something a certain way and it wants to continue that, especially if it works.
 
The problem with over-reacting is it aligns with the fight/flight response. When we experience an intense emotion, whether it is due to danger or not, the same physiological response happens in the body – increased heart rate, faster/shallow breathing, tunnel vision, inability to think clearly, shakiness, tense muscles.
 
When we over-react by yelling, punching, throwing, kicking, etc, all this does is align with the fight/flight. When we are truly in danger, yelling will alert people to where we are and that we need help (thus improving the likelihood of survival). When we punch, throw, or kick something, we are “fighting” (thus improving the likelihood of survival).
 
Since yelling, punching, throwing things, kicking, etc align with fight/flight, it makes it that much more difficult to not do those behaviors again in the future. We are wired for survival.
 
I’m sure you’ve noticed that when you over-react, initially you and your body feel better, right? However, logically you know it wasn’t the best thing to do in that situation, and you likely don’t feel good about it.
 
At the time, the release of energy was what the body was looking to do as the brain thought you were in danger. As you weren’t actually in danger, logic kicked in and told you this wasn’t helpful. However, physiologically it was very helpful.
 
Unfortunately, when something is seen as “good” to the brain, it is hard for the brain not to want it or want to do it again. Just like eating chocolate. Or seeing your best friend after years of not.
 
Eventually, you wind up having a very difficult time controlling your reactions to these emotions as the brain has been “rewarded” so many times. As frustrating as this is to you, the survival part of your brain is pleased with how quickly you react.
 
A lot of people struggle with controlling their reactions, especially when emotions get too high. Furthermore, there is always a thought that goes with the emotion, and when that thought and feeling are aligned, the behavior will attempt to align as well.
 
Whereas there is a purpose to your over-reactions, and the survival part of your brain is just doing its job, your over-reacting is causing a lot of stress and frustration for you, your family, and others in your life.
 
I’m sure there have been times in your life when you were able to turn off the anger, or not react to it. Maybe it was in public and you didn’t want to be embarrassed. But think about it. Have you ever been able to not overreact recently? This tells you that it is possible for you to not overreact in every situation.
 
When we can learn a 3 step process to stop and think before reacting, it is entirely possible to react intentionally instead of impulsively.
 
Our current behaviors do not have to define who we are. We have the ability to adapt and change.
 
Keep reading to learn how to stop and think before reacting in a way you do not want to
 
YOU ARE FLYING OFF THE HANDLE AT SMALL, INSIGNIFICANT THINGS THAT DIDN’T USED TO BOTHER YOU
 
The biggest problem of not gaining control of your behaviors is nobody wants to be around you when you’re overreacting. The more you over-react, the less people will want to be around you. You wish that you wouldn’t respond this way; you don’t even like it yourself.
 
At the very least, you find yourself not being yourself. You may have found a way to not over-react to everything, but you’ve found yourself becoming quietly antagonistic. You are not as vocal about what’s bothering you, but you mumble under your breath, you notice that you think more negatively, and you don’t like being around people because they “annoy” you.
 
This is no way to live. It just gets worse from here. It takes a great deal of energy to feel even slightly irritated all the time. The brain and body are always on the lookout for the “danger” it knows is around every corner and therefore you don’t have the ability to rest and recover from the day. Rest and recovery is just as important to the brain as it is to the body.
 
Over time, the consistency of staying alert to danger all the time will cause changes in your body and brain in the form of behavior and words that others see and will eventually point out to you.
 
YOU WANT TO STAY CALM AND NOT OVER-REACT TO EVERY SITUATION
 
Although you struggle with controlling your actions right now, you have the potential to live the life you’re looking for. You have the ability to regain control of your mind and yourself and not over-react to situations that seem so trivial.
 
When we choose to implement a breathing technique into our day, there is a possibility for reacting to situations with intention instead of impulsivity. There is a reason that Eastern Monks have used meditation and breathing for so long. It is effective.
 
You have the opportunity to learn and use one skill that will start to change the way you react to upsetting situations and respond to those situations in a way that makes you feel good about yourself.
 
HOW TO RESPOND TO SITUATIONS IN A CALM, THOUGHT-OUT MANNER
 
I know right now you’re thinking I’m crazy and breathing techniques won’t make you respond differently, but this one step is going to bring oxygen throughout your body and give you time to listen to logic your brain is telling you.
 
It is only step one, and you will need to listen to what logic is telling you, but you can’t think if you don’t stop and breathe first.
 
The key to achieving freedom from impulsive behaviors is to learn to stop and think before acting. This breathing technique is a wonderful tool to help you stop.
 
The reality is, you will need to practice breathing like this, even when you do not need it, in order to make it a habit for yourself. Additionally, you will need to retrace your steps after over-reacting to see what you did well and what you didn’t do so well, but that is for another blog.
 
Today’s blog is focusing on the first step of helping you respond to upsetting situations more effectively. It by itself will not stop you from overreacting.
 
When you follow a simple, step-by-step path, you will start to see more calmness and control throughout your day. You will notice changes in the way you think and how your body feels. With this tool in your pocket, you will be able to start the stop and think process.
 
Take a look at these next steps to see how you can achieve success in handling situations calmly and effectively.
 
One of the reasons you struggle with calming down in upsetting situations is because your survival brain hijacks your logic brain. It is impossible to think immediately after the adrenalin is pumped into your body because the first thing it does is turn off logic. Just react when you’re in danger.
 
It makes complete sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed and hopeless about settling down and not over-reacting. How are you supposed to calm down when you react before you realize it?
 
But it doesn’t have to stay this way when you start implementing the 4-7-8 breathing technique. We want to give time to allow the adrenalin to leave the brain and allow logic to regain control.
 
Be sure that just because logic has control doesn’t mean you will use that logic! This part will be up to you.
 
Step 1: Lean back in your chair with your hands behind your head, giving yourself a bit of a stretch.
 
Leaning back like this opens your diaphragm forcing you to breathe through your belly instead of your chest. This tells your brain that you are safe right this moment and can relax the tension in your body.
 
Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, I emphasize the importance of doing these techniques in a way you will get maximum benefit from them.
 
When you use the techniques in a way to get maximum benefit, you will see the results quicker, which will give you the hope and motivation to continue to use them.
 
Step 2: Breathe in to the count of 4. Hold for the count of 7. Breathe out to the count of 8.
 
Together with my clients, we learn why this type of breathing works and when it is most useful to use it. I practice with you to ensure you feel confident and comfortable using the skills.
 
Notice the difference in your head, muscles, and body as a whole prior to and after doing this exercise.
 
After you start doing this, you will be able to move on to the next steps in order to maintain control and calm in situations that upset you.
 
Step 3: Practice 200 times per day, whether or not you need to.
 
I mean this! Nothing becomes habit overnight, and nothing is harder than retraining your brain. You are wired for security and comfort. Going out of your comfort zone by practicing this is going to feel tiresome and annoying, but I promise the more you do it, the greater the likelihood you’ll be able to use it when you need it.
 
When you schedule a session with me, I help you understand this concept and set yourself up for success.
 
Adding this to your life will make it possible for you to gain control over your emotions and behaviors. It has the potential to allow you to respond in ways you only wish you could right now.
 
Achieving control over your reactions to situations that anger or upset you is not an easy task. I am very proud of you that you are looking into ways to improve your life. Life is a journey and we should not sit stagnant in our growth as a person if we can find ways to improve it.
 
You absolutely can get your life where you want it to be. You absolutely can feel good about your reactions to situations and your family and friends will not only notice this change, but will appreciate it as much as you do.
 
Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC has been working with individuals working on improving different aspects of their lives for many years. I have honed in on helping adults through the emotional aftermath of trauma, vicarious (or secondary) trauma, and burnout.
 
Your over-reactions are very common and you are not weak or a bad person. You have not failed and you will get yourself back.
 
Call me today to schedule an appointment to see how we can work together to help you meet your goals quickly and efficiently. 941-462-4807.

Nobody wants to feel angry, right? We learn to use all these anger management skills in order to prevent ourselves from getting out of control. On the other hand, anger is an acceptable emotion and better to feel angry than sad, right? This puts us in a bit of a bind. It’s ok to feel angry instead of sad, but we don’t want to feel either.

The problem with not feeling emotions is they all have a purpose. If you haven’t read my blog Emotions: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly read that upon completion of this blog. It’s a great blog discussing the importance of feeling emotions.

Unfortunately, when we don’t want to feel a certain emotion, we tend to push it down, try to forget about it, or try to ignore it. This never works well.

The downsides to not feeling emotions is they will creep up again. Sometimes at very unhelpful times. Furthermore, the more we ignore these emotions, the less likely we are to be able to handle them appropriately when they do come up.

Not only does pushing emotions away make them harder to deal with when they do pop up, but we also start to believe certain things about ourselves “I’m strong and don’t cry.” “I can handle anything without support.” These beliefs end up being more of a hindrance than a help to us in the long run.

Perhaps you used to feel emotions such as anger or sadness, but your job told you to push away feelings (this is not uncommon with first responders as emotions can get in the way of effectively handling a crisis).

Or maybe you cried as a child and your family told you to stop crying or “grow up.” You learned that feeling sad is a bad thing and you’ll get reprimanded for it.

So, you pushed the emotions down; ignored them.

At the time, it might have felt good to be able to push emotions aside. You fit in better. You believe you are more competent at your job. People look up to you and respect you for always keeping a level head.
You were no longer told you were a cry-baby.

Unfortunately, all this did was reinforce the thought that pushing emotions away is good. Pushing anger and sadness away just has a rebound effect that will make it 10 times harder to deal with later.

Eventually, you figured this out and are currently in a place where you feel completely defeated and worthless. You feel unproductive at work and home, which in turn leads to feeling weak and the belief that something is wrong with you. You can’t handle little things in life anymore.

This has been eating away at you for a long time now. The more you push the feelings aside, the worse you actually feel.

The truth is, you are normal. Whenever we push something away, it has a rebound effect. You are not weak for doing what you needed to at work. Nor are you weak for wanting to please your family. Having this rebound effect now is also not a weakness.

It’s true that you are terrified of losing control of yourself. However, once we understand the purpose of anger, we can start to regain control over these emotions and our minds. When we understand these reasons, it is entirely possible to start to feel normal again relatively quickly. It is entirely possible to regain control over ourselves and our minds, living life on our terms, and feeling competent and capable.

Keep reading to learn 3 reasons why anger is not a bad thing

YOU HAVE BEEN PUSHING DOWN THE EMOTIONS FOR SO LONG. NOW YOU DREAD GOING TO WORK AND FIGHT WITH YOURSELF DAILY ABOUT FEELING WEAK; WONDERING WHETHER YOU ARE A FAILURE

The biggest downside of continuing to push down emotions is losing everything. When you push down emotions for long enough, they come back with a horrible rebound effect. All it takes is one instance of losing control to lose everything you have whether you end up in jail, divorced, or dead.

At the very least, your family feels your pain along with you. You are not fighting this battle alone, despite what you believe and hope. They know you are not yourself. They know things have changed. They see your distress. You feel powerless to your emotions and thus the resulting behaviors. They are not blind to this.

You can’t help but feel defeated by this at some point. You’ve done a great job for a long time, but what you’ve been doing just isn’t working anymore. In fact, things seem to be getting worse, not better at this point.

HOW GREAT WILL IT BE TO ENJOY GOING TO WORK; TO FEEL PRODUCTIVE AND EFFECTIVE AGAIN?

Although you worry that something is wrong with you, you have the potential to feel confident and useful again. Knowledge can give us a great deal of power. With knowledge comes the ability to figure problems out and overcome the problem.

You have the opportunity to make a choice and pick up the pieces of your life. You can make a few changes based on understanding anger which will give you the confidence to pull your life back the way you want it to go.

3 REASONS ANGER IS NOT A BAD THING

I know you may still be wondering how anger is not always bad. You may be confused about how knowledge of anger will provide you with the confidence to pull your life back.

The fact is, all emotions have a purpose and all emotions can be either useful or not in a particular situation. Anger is no different. The key is understanding anger’s purpose and what to do with the anger you feel.

Using anger and other emotions in a positive, healthy way is not as difficult as you may think. It takes a bit of getting used to, but like everything else, the more you practice, the better you get at it.

Check out these 3 reasons why anger is not a bad thing

1. Anger can fuel change/it is motivating
When we think something is unjust or unfair, we get angry about it, right? When we feel our rights are violated, we want to do something about it. Anger is a great motivating force to change.

Anger to fuel change can be done in several ways, both violently and non-violently. I strongly encourage the non-violent ways, but I am simply pointing out that anger as a change agent can be done both violently and non-violently.

When we feel violated or feel something is unjust, it is a great idea to then take a step back, look at the situation from an outsider’s viewpoint, and then decide what action to take. After deciding on an action, sleep on it before initiating the action. This way you are sure that the action you want to take is going to help the situation and not hurt you more in the end.

2. Anger alerts us that something that is wrong
When we feel strong emotions (anger, fear, excitement), the same physiological response happens in the body – all of the bodily systems that are not needed for survival shut down and only those needed for survival continue to work…overtime. You may be asking, isn’t this fight/flight? Yes, it is.

Fight/flight is a physiological response that happens when the brain perceives something dangerous in the immediate environment. Breathing quickens, blood flow is increased to the extremities, heart rate increases, muscles tense up, we have a difficult (or impossible) time thinking clearly, we may get tunnel vision (not seeing clearly, and especially not seeing more of our surroundings than is right in front of us).

Have you noticed these same things happen when you’re angry? How about when you are super excited? If you take the emotion and thoughts out of it, you can see that the physiological response is the same to all strong emotions.

If you are scared, you might be thinking of ways to survive. If you are angry, you might be thinking of how you were just wronged. If you are excited, you might be thinking about that situation. But in all cases, the body reacted the same.

If we feel angry, the survival part of the brain (amygdala) has noticed a threat, but the part of the brain that surveys the environment (hippocampus) noticed no immediate threat to your life. If the hippocampus sees an immediate threat to your life, you’d feel intense fear, not intense anger.

If you feel angry because something is wrong (you were treated unfairly, somebody said something offensive, etc), it is a great idea to take a step back and ask yourself where this thought is coming from. Most of the time our beliefs come from our childhood. Those are very deep seeded beliefs that can take a lot of time and effort to change (if you want to change them).

Once you know the feeling (anger) and where the thought came from, you will be able to make a more balanced, thought out response that will feel right to you versus immediately acting on that anger and later regretting it.

3. It helps us get our needs met
Whether or not you want to admit it, anger is a great tool for getting our needs met. When a person is angry, often others are uncomfortable with that anger and will placate you. I am not saying this is good or bad, it just is.

That being said, we can show the anger to get our needs met in many ways. Think about the parent who gets quiet when they get angry. The kid knows they pushed too far, but the parent didn’t scream or throw things.

Tone of voice is a huge indicator in whether someone is angry. Additionally, body language can tell us a lot of someone’s emotional state. Put tone of voice and body language together, and one has a pretty good indication of someone’s emotion.

If someone’s tone of voice and body language indicate anger, the other person will respond accordingly. You can get your needs met when you’re angry without screaming and carrying on.

If you are angry and want to communicate a need, it is a great idea to take a step back and determine the best way to handle the situation. How would a friend tell you to respond? What impact are you looking for? Will this response give you that impact? Is it harmful? How will you feel tomorrow about your action today?

Anger is a useful emotion and balancing the emotions so that you feel them during appropriate times will help you feel confident and in control of yourself and your life again.

Anger is not all bad as it is a great change agent/motivator, it alerts us that something is wrong, and it can help us get our needs met.

You absolutely can regain control of yourself and your emotions without having them backfire on you or rebound.

Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, I help my clients understand the purpose of their emotions, including anger, where the thoughts behind the emotions came from, and help them create a plan of action to feel and release their emotions in a way that makes them feel in control, safe, and productive.

I stated that all emotions have a purpose several times throughout this blog, but I focused on anger and understanding three reasons why anger is not bad. If you have not yet read my blog on emotions in general: Emotions – the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, now would be a great time to read that one.

You are not weak. You are not a failure. It is time for you to use the strength you have to take back control of yourself and your mind, thus allowing you to feel productive, safe, and calm.

Call me today to reclaim your strength and confidence. 941-462-4807.

Have you been searching the internet trying to find out what’s “wrong” with you? Maybe other people have pointed things out about how you’ve changed. Maybe you fought it for a long time, but now are starting to think you have changed and don’t like who you’ve become.

When we live life believing something is “wrong” with us, it often makes us feel “sick.” If we think we are sick, this thought can go one of two ways – curable or not. When we think about mental health, many people believe incurable.

Believing that we are mentally sick and incurable affects our lives in numerous ways. We fight against it for a long time, not wanting to admit that we need help. This unfortunately just makes the problem worse. We waste years of our lives falling further down instead of quickly getting out and improving our lives.

Not only does fighting against it make the problem worse, we start to bring in all the stigmas about therapy and mental health, which just tightens our lips. We are less and less likely to say anything or get help. As things get worse, we display different behaviors and change in ways that our loved ones notice and don’t like. They worry about us, but it often does not come out as worry, but nagging or irritability on their part.

Perhaps your family had someone who went to the “looney bin.” Perhaps someone in your family was threatened with going to an “insane asylum.” Perhaps you saw movies like One Flew Over the Cookoo’s Nest. With these stigmas these experiences breed, it is no wonder you didn’t want to admit you weren’t feeling like yourself anymore.

For a long time it may have felt very lonely. You fought against it for so long. With today’s plugged-in society, it is so easy to find information about mental health (and other “disorders”). The problem with this is two-fold. Is the information you’re reading accurate? Much of the information you find on the internet is opinion and not fact. Secondly, if you look at the criteria to a mental “disorder” every human being will fit into at least one, but likely more than one diagnosis.

It’s like going on line and searching “I have a stomach ache and it hurts to eat.” With those symptoms, you may have an ulcer, you may have a gall bladder problem, you may have stomach cancer, you may have something else. The great thing with the medical world is with imaging and testing, you can find out exactly what is going on.

Unfortunately, there is no imaging or blood work that is done on a regular basis to tell you what is going on. MRIs, PET Scans, and SPECT scans may be able to offer clues, but they are so expensive, they are not done on a regular basis and are not feasible.

Unfortunately, looking symptoms up on the internet will not provide you with a great picture of whether you have something diagnosable or not.

It is completely normal to be unsure about seeing a therapist. A lot of people wait until they’ve had too much or until they’ve had an ultimatum by a loved one. Some people will go through several therapists before finding the right one.

It’s ok to do research before choosing to go to therapy, and especially choosing a specific therapist. In fact, I recommend it. It is important, however, not to take anything you read about online as gospel and truth. Read and learn, but when you see a therapist, be open to what the therapist has to say.

It’s true that right now you are starting to wonder if something is “wrong with me”. I don’t want you to think that something is “wrong” and “incurable”. Many diagnoses that clients come to therapy for are curable and nothing is “wrong” with you.

When we learn three signs of post traumatic stress disorder, we can learn that we are affected by things that happen in life and nothing is wrong with us. When we make just a few changes regarding these symptoms, it is entirely possible to self help through it and not need to see a therapist.

Keep reading for 3 tips so you can start feeling calmer today.

HAS EVERYTHING IN LIFE BECOME MORE OF AN ORDEAL? ARE YOU IN A SLUMP AND FEELING AGITATED?

The biggest downside to not doing anything about the feelings of unhappiness and unease is the downward slide you’re on. You know that it is worse now than the first time you noticed feeling this discomfort.

At the very least, you’re tired of your loved ones nagging you. Maybe they are the ones feeling agitated and worried. Maybe you’re not suffering, but they are.

Living with this stress at home is extremely annoying. You have tolerated it long enough and it is time to do something about it.

IT IS TIME TO CLEAR THE UNEASE, DISCOMFORT, AND DISTRESS WITHIN YOU AND YOUR HOUSEHOLD. IT IS TIME TO TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE.

Although you are enduring the anguish thus far, you have the potential to get out of it and feel confident and happy. When we choose to work on things that are bothering us or bothering our loved ones, there is a possibility for the suffering in the house to end and for peace to return to you and your household.

You have the opportunity to make this change and see for yourself that there is a much better side to life. Life isn’t a one way road downhill.

3 TIPS TO ACHIEVE FREEDOM, CONTROL, HAPPINESS AND PEACE IN YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE

Right now you’re feeling unsure that you have PTSD or any other “diagnosis,” and it’s very possible you do not have anything “diagnosable.” However, since you landed here, I would venture a bet that your symptoms are affecting you and your life more than you’d like.

The key to improved happiness and satisfaction with life is to take it by the horns. Understand what is happening, understand why it happened, and understand what you can do about it. Be educated on yourself, your experiences, and the interaction between the two.

Making these changes is not that difficult. It takes time. That is true. Nothing happens over night. You did not feel this tormented overnight and you will not get out of it overnight.

Take a look at these 3 tips to see how you can achieve peace and comfort within yourself and your family today.

1. One of the hallmarks of any anxiety problem is difficulty sleeping.

Insomnia, waking frequently, inability to fall asleep, waking too early: These are all signs that your mind is too active, which is very common with any type of anxiety. When we can’t get something off our minds, it keeps circling there.

You may think that this is normal for you. Or you may “know” that you have some anxiety or stress, but may not be thinking of it as PTSD or a trauma symptom.

Try being consistent with a bedtime routine. Create a routine including time to quiet yourself and your mind down at the same time every day. Doing a visualization of letting the entire day seep from your pores and into the ground. You do not need to take the day into the night.

When you start a routine, it will always be difficult at first. You will want to do old behaviors. Furthermore, you won’t see results immediately and that will cause you to want to go back to old behaviors.

Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, I work with my clients to understand the purpose of a bedtime routine, the importance of sticking with it when it doesn’t work immediately, keeping a log of what you’re doing, and tweaking the routine until it becomes effective.

• Another common symptom is irritability with friends and family

Sometimes family will tell you that you’re more irritable. Many people don’t see this as a sign of PTSD. They may acknowledge that they’re feeling dread about returning to work. They may not tell family this, however, and will just try to hide the fact that they’re feeling ineffective at work.

It makes complete sense that you act irritable instead of showing the fear and discomfort you actually feel. Nobody wants to be afraid or uncomfortable. Furthermore, it is not as acceptable to be afraid as it is to be angry. Finally, people have the belief that “we should be lucky” that we have a job or the thought “just suck it up.” Neither of these statements is helpful when you feel defeated and useless at work.

When someone tells you that you’re acting angry or irritable unnecessarily, the first thing you’ll want to do is become defensive. Instead of saying something back, try not responding at all for about 10 seconds. Think about what you are actually feeling. Notice what is happening in your body – are you tense? Ask yourself what is a positive response and say that response instead.

Together with my clients, I help them acknowledge the irritability before they respond and help them understand where it is coming from. We develop a plan to be more purposeful in responses. This, I have to forewarn, is not 100% effective with anyone, not even therapists.

After you start doing this, you will see a return of calm and peace to your loved ones and will start to notice more of your own feelings and reactions, thus making it easier to do due to the response from your loved ones.

• Avoidance  of family and friends…maybe making excuses like needing to go to the gym (again)

When we are more irritable, we tend to then withdraw from family and friends more. Nobody wants to be around someone who is angry all the time.

It makes complete sense that you want to go to the gym. The gym is a physical outlet, allowing you to get rid of the anger inside. The problem is, it is a very temporary fix and does not work well in the long run. Not only does it not work well in the long run, it starts to isolate you more from family and friends making them feel more concerned for you and the relationship.

When you want to leave a situation or not go to one in the first place, ask yourself: When was the last time I did (this activity) with my friends or family? Why am I trying to avoid it? What would be the worst thing to happen if I went? Is there a possibility I will enjoy myself if I go?

When you schedule a session with me, we will tear down the barriers the brain built up in order to keep you “safe.” These barriers are not actually keeping you safe, but are instead making you fall further into the pit and feel more isolated.

People with PTSD avoid things that make them anxious and activity can be anxiety provoking…there are so many bad possibilities that could happen, it’s just easier to avoid it. Questioning yourself will make it possible to bring your life back to a happy and calm place.

Achieving happiness and calmness can be an emotional and positive journey. You absolutely can enjoy life and your job again. You are not lost and you are not hopeless. From what I know of PTSD, burnout, and stress, there is so much potential for you and you do not have to live this way forever.

Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC helps all adults through stress, depression, anxiety, and anger, but specializes in restoring the helping professional’s confidence in themselves and their career choice.

You can do this! Call me today to schedule an appointment. I can be reached at 941-462-4807. You can also email me with any questions at meg@megyounglcsw.com. I look forward to hearing from you and helping you along your journey!

Do you believe that you have to randomly call therapists until you find one who will be right for you? Have you been to several therapists who haven’t worked out well for you? Finding the right therapist is a daunting task, right?

Fortunately, this is not true. When we believe that it is luck of the draw to find a “good” therapist or one that is good for YOU more specifically, we set ourselves up for frustration and waste time and money…something nobody has an abundance of these days.

The downsides to choosing a therapist randomly out of the phone book (or online directory) above and beyond wasted time and money, and frustration with having to start over when you look for a new therapist, include stress on your family, more time struggling with whatever you are looking to get help with, and feelings of hopelessness.

Not only does living with the belief that finding the right therapist for you is luck of the draw affect you in the above ways, but we may also start to become more cynical, believe therapy doesn’t work, and may even give up on therapy. We may encourage loved ones not to attend therapy either as it “doesn’t work.”

Perhaps you’ve been to several therapists and didn’t get the help you needed. Perhaps the therapist didn’t seem to listen to you and had their own agenda: “Let’s do meditation work” when you don’t want to do meditation work. “But it’s so helpful.” Yes, this may be so, but not what you’re looking for.

At the time it may have been awfully frustrating. You came to therapy to get a goal met and the therapist is pushing you to do something you don’t want. That doesn’t feel good (and isn’t helpful).

Unfortunately, these bad experiences will add up and can solidify your beliefs about therapy. Eventually, you end up hopeless about therapy and may give up on the whole process.

The truth is, there are many therapists out there with different personalities, different beliefs, and different techniques they work with. You are not alone and it is completely normal for you to feel unsure about therapy based on previous experiences, or experiences of other’s you’ve listened to.

Even though you are feeling a bit skeptical about therapy, there are several things that can help you cut through the jibber and find the right therapist for you without too much effort, wasted time and wasted money. When we ask the therapist we call these five questions, it is entirely possible to find the right therapist the first time and get your goals met with as little time and money spent as possible.

Keep reading for the top 5 questions to ask when you call a therapist so you can start meeting your goals quickly and efficiently.

ARE YOU FLOUNDERING AROUND LOOKING FOR THE RIGHT THERAPIST? DO YOU FEEL FRUSTRATED WITH THE PROCESS?

The biggest downside to not asking these five questions is getting frustrated with the therapy process. You might go to several therapists before finding the right one for you. Or you may not feel comfortable telling the therapist you don’t want to continue, eventually dropping out.

At the very least, you aren’t getting your goals met in a timely and efficient way. Living this way can feel irritating. People say that therapy works. They say you should not feel guilty for needing to go. But when you’re not getting your goals met, you may start to believe therapy doesn’t work. You may start to think people are incorrect, or it only works for some people and not others.

YOU ARE READY TO LIVE YOUR LIFE ON YOUR TERMS, NOT BOGGED DOWN BY YOUR FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, AND BEHAVIORS.

Although you struggle with finding the right therapist, you have the potential to break this cycle. You have the ability to move forward with your life quickly and efficiently. You do not have to waste time and money. You do not have to work too hard to find the therapist who will work best with you.

When we know some of the right questions to ask, finding the right therapist becomes easier and quicker. Even if who you call isn’t the right therapist, they can often refer you to someone they know who is a better fit for you because they know what you are looking for.

You have the opportunity to not waste time and money going to several therapists looking for the right one. You have the ability to ask the right questions and get to the right person quickly.

TOP 5 QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN YOU CALL A THERAPIST TO ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS QUICKLY AND EFFICIENTLY

You may have been to therapy before, or you may be starting out. Either way, it is not uncommon to go to several therapists before finding the right one.

The key to not having to do this is by asking the right questions of the therapist you call. The therapist may ask you questions as well in order to find out whether they feel you are a good fit together.

Asking these questions isn’t too difficult because if you don’t like the answer, you will never see the person. There is nothing to lose and nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed over. Most therapists appreciate that you are looking for the right therapist so their time isn’t wasted either.

Check out these 5 questions to ask so you can achieve your goals quickly and efficiently

1. What do you specialize in?

This is a good question because therapists are fully capable of helping everyone. We are trained in techniques that will help children through elderly and every diagnosis. We are trained similarly to a general practitioner.

However, like a general practitioner, we can’t specialize in everything. If you want your goals met quickly, going to someone who specializes in your needs will get you in and out of therapy more quickly.

When we specialize in something, for example PTSD, anger or children, we do our continuing education on that topic. Furthermore, it is something we are passionate about, so we really get into learning as much as we can to help you the best way possible.

2. Have you treated others with what I’m dealing with?

This goes along with the specialty but is a bit more focused. Ask the therapist about this. How long do you expect therapy will last based on past experience?

This question digs a bit deeper than just asking what their specialty is. If someone has anxiety, that anxiety may come from a specific trigger, or it may be more generalized. Treating general anxiety and specific anxiety, whereas it is similar, may take different techniques, different lengths of treatment, and different approaches.

Asking this question can give you a clue as to approximately how long you’ll be in therapy and what you can expect from therapy.

3. Do you participate in consultation or talk with other therapists to gain additional insights?

A therapist who participates in consultation does so with confidentiality paramount. When they discuss a client with other therapists to gain insight or ideas, they talk in generalities and do not give names, demographic, or other identifying information.

Asking the therapist whether they participate in consultation is important because you have an idea that the therapist is genuinely out to help you. Nobody knows everything and we can get wrapped up in other factors of the situation that can be caught by someone who is only hearing the facts.

When a therapist participates in consultation, you can be sure that they value the time you spend together and they want to make sure they don’t miss something that may help you meet your goals quickly.

4. Why do you think you are the best therapist for me?

I know you are calling them, but this is a great question to ask. You want to interview the therapist just as much as they should be interviewing you. When the therapist answers this question, it will give you a lot of insight into what this therapist will be like to work with.

You may get information on what techniques the therapist uses, you might get information on what the therapeutic process looks like with this therapist, or you might get information on how long you will stay in therapy. Whatever the case, you are likely to learn more about the therapist and will have a better understanding of that therapist and whether you will be a good fit together.

5. What do you do if one or both of us think you are not the right therapist?

This is a very good question. Often clients don’t want to make the therapist feel bad by saying they don’t want to continue with the therapist. Please remember that the therapist is here to help you. I would hope that the therapist would not force you to stay with them if you do not want to.

Knowing the answer to this question can make it easier to bring it up if you do feel like things aren’t going well. It also helps you understand up front what the therapist will do…refer you to someone else, provide you with resources, want to do a final session, etc.

Achieving your goals quickly and efficiently can be a positive and relatively easy process. You absolutely can get your goals met and not need to attend therapy forever. In fact, insurances are frequently cutting down how much therapy you can have per year. If that’s the case and you are using your insurance, wouldn’t you want to go to someone who can solve your problem quickly?

If you haven’t read my blog from last week, Why are Therapists Increasingly Not on Insurance Panels, I recommend doing so. When you arm yourself with the information from these two blogs, you will have the information you need to find the right therapist for you. You will know the questions to ask, and what to look for. You will not flounder around, wasting time, money and effort.

Here at Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, I focus on you, the client. I very much want to make sure you have a positive therapeutic experience, which is why I write these blogs. Knowledge is power, right? The more you know about what to expect with therapy, why therapists are going private pay, what online counseling is about, what to ask a therapist, etc, the better equipped you’ll be to find a good therapist for you.

If you just want to find out more information or if you know what type of therapist you are looking for, but don’t know who to call, call me at 941-462-4807 or email me at meg@megyounglcsw.com.

I frequently collaborate with therapists throughout the country and can help you find somebody. If I do not know someone specific to your needs, I still likely know a therapist I trust in your state who I can refer you to. That person will know other therapists in your state who they can refer you to.

If you have any questions about this blog or about anything at all, or if you are looking to schedule an appointment, call me at 941-462-4807 or email me at meg@megyounglcsw.com.