As a recently divorced mother of young adult children, “Patty” felt defeated and panicy. She finally divorced her emotionally abusive husband, but was now getting anger directed at her from her kids. She was sure she made the right choice logically, but still felt some doubt and suffered from panic attacks. This self-doubt seeped into other areas of her life and eventually so did the panic.
 
Can you relate to Patty? Unfortunately, when we live life full of self-doubt and panic, it affects our lives in so many ways. There are obvious downsides, but self doubt and panic lead to relationship difficulties, boundary setting issues (not saying no when you want to, doing things you’d rather not, not setting limits at home or work), sleep problems, struggles with eating properly, and doing potentially risky behaviors such as drinking alcohol to escape.
 
For Patty, a recent client of mine, it played out in her life by having her kids treat her the way her ex-husband did due to not being able to set boundaries with them. From there, she began a downward spiral of self-doubt, fear and panic attacks which affected her work performance as well. Her boss started noticing the change in her.
 
At the time, she was fearful, frustrated, hopeless, and not sure what to do to get her life back in control. Unfortunately, all this did was lead to more self-doubts and panic attacks. You can see the cycle she was in. It was a horrible feeling for her. She left her husband thinking life would be better, and at first not only was it not better, but it felt worse.
 
Eventually Patty wound up in a place of despair and confusion. She knew she made the right choice about divorcing her ex husband, but she still second guessed her decision at times. She felt guilty with her children – should she have left sooner? But how could she have? At first he seemed perfect, then he had too much control over her and she didn’t feel strong enough to leave.
 
The truth is, a lot of people struggle with whether they made the right decision in a situation, especially if that decision has potentially big repercussions. It is ok to feel confused, hurt, scared, and unsure as you work through the decisions and start to gain confidence in yourself. Nobody goes from self-doubt to confidence overnight and nobody gets there without some internal struggle.
 
It may be true that you feel lost, confused and frustrated which may have led to other behaviors and decisions that caused you to second guess yourself, which in turn led back to feelings of being lost, confused, and frustrated. This is not an uncommon cycle. However, when we see others overcome something similar, it can inspire us to make the changes we need to achieve confidence and control of ourselves. When we take similar steps, it is entirely possible to gain confidence and control over our own lives.
 
Keep reading to see how one court professional started seeing happiness, confidence, and self esteem
 
Before scheduling a session, Patty’s life looked bleak to her. Although she knew she had a lot going for her, she couldn’t pull those positive thoughts together and see the full impact of how well her life was going. She often found herself feeling lonely, confused, hurt, and angry. These feelings were hard to let go of at work even, and her work suffered for it. Her boss noticed the emotional drain she was exuding, and although he never spoke to her about her work performance, she knew she wasn’t producing the same level of work as she was prior to her divorce.
 
Living this way – where she was unable to live happily at home or work – impacted Patty’s ability to move forward in life. She was stuck living in the past as her kids were now treating her with disrespect and anger. Every time this happened, it brought on panic, confusion, and fear. It also brought back all the feelings and memories from her experiences with her ex husband. How could she move forward when she kept going into the past? She couldn’t get past these feelings.
 
Before scheduling a session, Patty struggled with her friendships as well. She wanted to hang out with people, but every time she did, she worried something would end up happening or someone would say something that would set off her anxiety and she would end up crying or in a panic attack. She slowly decreased her time spent with friends which added to her feelings of inadequacy.
 
Right before scheduling a session, Patty had an argument with her son which cause a huge panic attack and consumption of more alcohol that she normally had. Patty realized she hit her breaking point. If she didn’t do something about this situation…and soon…something terrible would happen or she wouldn’t be able to come back from this. She scheduled a session because she wanted to know how to handle her children’s behaviors. She knew they were hurting and taking it out on her, but she didn’t know how to set the proper boundaries with them, which was making her fall apart.
 
When Patty came to her first session, she expressed fear, anxiety, hopelessness, but had strength inside that was obvious to me. Together in the first session, we explored her life from childhood up to now and how her experiences have impacted her throughout her life. We did some outcome measures that we would review after a few sessions to measure the difference that was made through the course of treatment. We discussed what can be accomplished through therapy and how she wants to see herself and her life. By the time she left the first session, she felt hopeful that things will improve and she will gain strength and confidence in herself.
 
As we continued therapy, Patty started to realize that she had more work to do on herself before she could help her children. She realized there was more to the situation than she originally thought and by working on her own stuff she would not only do better with her children, but in her work life as well. This was a huge realization for Patty as she never thought of herself as needing help for anything, much less for herself. When she came to therapy, she knew she needed to work on herself, but she did not realize the impact her experiences had on her and how they were affecting her today.
 
We created a treatment plan to address and change her negative self beliefs so she could act with intention instead of through emotion (especially guilt). We decided a combination of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) were the modalities to use to get her where she wanted to be as quickly as possible.
 
We started seeing results quickly with EMDR and she reported feeling strong at the end of each session. I started noticing a change in the tone and pitch of her voice and in the way she walked. She noticed an increased ability to handle stressful events at work and noticed she was laughing more with her co-workers.
 
After several weeks of therapy, it became obvious to Patty and myself that Patty had reached a positive place in her life. We followed up on some of the outcome measures we did at the beginning of treatment. Patty no longer met the criteria for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). At this point she actually did not meet the criteria for any diagnosable mental health concern. She reported feeling confident she could continue to help her children and by our final session, she had a few weeks of holding boundaries and following through with what she told her children.
 
It was a tough journey for Patty; she did a lot of work to get where she did in the timeframe that she did. Patty expressed some hesitation before scheduling with me as I do not take her insurance. She believed that I was the best person to help her get where she wanted to be, however, and at the end of our time together expressed that her “financial investment” in herself was worth every penny she spent. She was not in therapy for endless years and saw results relatively quickly.
 
Strength, goal-attainment, and confidence are common experiences my clients have by the end of treatment
 
Although you currently struggle with self-doubt, you have the potential to live a life of emotional security and stability. We are all on a journey through life and each one of us will need help and support at some point during that journey. Asking for help is a sign of strength and intelligence. It is knowing when you do not have what you need to make something work in the most effective way and knowing that someone else has the ability to make that something work effectively.
 
Now that you’ve seen how it worked for one of my other clients, there is a possibility for you to also gain strength and see the positive change you’ve been longing for in yourself and your life. Achieving this confidence and control can be very enlightening. It takes you on a journey you may not have ever thought you would be on, but the results are tremendously freeing. It is a journey that is intense at first, but has long lasting results that will give you what you want for years to come.
 
You absolutely can see the same effects as Patty in a short amount of time. Everyone’s journey is different. Whether your journey takes you through a couple weeks of coaching or several months of therapy, your journey is your own. When you choose strength, you will grow as a person into the person you want to be. My blog: How to Determine if Therapy or Coaching is Right for Me to Feel Better as Quickly as Possible is another great blog to take a look at.
 
Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC can help you along your journey as I specialize in adults just like you – Critical Care Givers (First responders, court professionals, medical professionals, counselors) – who have experienced a bit too much and are now feeling the effects of that. As a licensed therapist, I am fully trained and competent in providing therapy to anyone who calls me, but my passion; my calling in life; is to help those who help others; I help first responders, medical and court professionals move from internal turmoil to internal control through online and in person counseling and coaching.
 
Choose strength and call today for your first appointment.

Online therapy is just starting to become more widespread. But you aren’t sure you want to try it yet because it can’t really be as good as in-person therapy. We are beings of routine and consistency. Change is very difficult. For PC users, just think about windows updates (or sometimes even more frustrating Microsoft Word updates). You may fight against it for awhile until you “have” to upgrade to the new version of Windows. Then it takes some getting used to. I’m sure those of you who use Macs have similar experiences.
 
Unfortunately, when we live our lives afraid to try something new, it affects our lives in numerous ways. We may lose out on something exciting. We may not learn how much we like something. We won’t grow in ways we otherwise would.
 
The downsides to this include regret, loss, potential conflicts as others may want to do the new thing. Not only does living life with the fear of trying something new affect us emotionally, we start to exhibit other problems such as intense anxiety leading to isolation or other concerns with going out or being with people – all because of the potential “what ifs” that get in our way.
 
What would have happened if the first person to try berries and other naturally growing plants died and thus people thought they were poisonous and never ate them again for fear they were all poisonous? What would have happened if everyone decided it was just too risky?
 
What about air travel? What if every time someone thought about this as a cool thing, they second guessed themselves and decided it was too risky?
 
At the time these people may have felt justified and safe, but we would we be with our cooking (and health) without berries in our diet? Can you imagine what life would be like without air travel? Some of you may never have been in a plane, but you still know that getting to the other side of the world in less than a full day is possible. Unfortunately, all that happens when we don’t do something new is prevent growth and movement forward. The ability for our species to think of ways to evolve and move forward is unique to humans.
 
Eventually, if we don’t try new things, we wind up in a place of stagnation and boredom. This being said, it is completely normal to have a fear of new things. Unknowns could mean death or harm. The brain is set to survival and if there is any possibility of harm, the brain fights against it. It’s ok to fear new things. It’s actually a good thing to be anxious about new things.
 
It is true that you may be skeptical of online therapy and therefore don’t want to try it. However, when the unknowns become knowns, the anxiety decreases and interest peaks. When we learn more about something we don’t understand, it is entirely possibly to be excited about online therapy.

Keep reading for the top 10 questions to better understand the benefits of teletherapy
 
Unknowns equal fear, anxiety, and lack of motivation
 
The biggest downside of not knowing what to expect is losing out on the opportunity which may be a life-changer (think about those berries and air travel). Inaction due to unknowns has led to many lost opportunities that people later regret.
 
At the very least, you find yourself second-guessing your decisions and beating yourself up over lack of decision making or commitment. Living this way is extremely frustrating. The amount of time wasted on beating yourself up could be put to better use.
 
Fear and anxiety are our brain’s way of telling us there is potential (or real) danger and to be ready in case you need to fight or run away from that danger. Remember how I mentioned the brain is set to survival? The amygdala is responsible for this. It is our brain’s alarm system and alerts us to potential danger even before we are fully able to survey a situation to determine if it is dangerous. (Those split seconds the brain would waste by allowing a full survey of the situation before setting us off into anxiety and worry could mean the difference between having the energy to fight or run and not and thus surviving or not if the situation is not safe).
 
Excitement, anticipation and hope cause some of the same physiological responses in the body that anxiety does, but it is different in that we do not fear. The physiological responses of not being able to focus, some shakiness, rapid heartbeat and rapid breathing – these are all the same responses when we are anxious and worried. The difference comes in how we see what is about to happen. If we are excited about it, the brain does not see a threat. If we are questioning it, the brain sees a threat.
 
Knowns equal excitement, anticipation, and hope
 
Although you struggle with anxiety and worry regarding trying online counseling, you have the potential to have a truly invigorating and helpful therapy experience in a way you never thought possible.
 
When you see the answers to the top 10 questions you may feel more knowledgeable, excited and hopeful. You have the opportunity to make an informed decision about online versus in person counseling in order to choose the option you really want and see your life in a whole new way.
 
Imagine the life that you really want. Imagine getting that life without having to spend valuable time in the car getting to and from a therapist’s office, finding childcare, dealing with weather issues, and other life situations that get in the way. Online counseling does have many benefits and many clients find that they reach their goals faster because they are more comfortable than in an office.
 
Check out these 10 questions to better understand telecounseling
 
Question 10: I’m not very tech-savvy. Should I see someone online?
 
Answer: There are relatively few reasons you would not be able to do online counseling even if you are not tech savvy. Many people have used skype or facetime. Online counseling is very similar in that it uses your computer’s camera and audio to speak with another person.
 
Question 9: What does telehealth really mean?
 
Answer: In short, telehealth is just the provider “seeing” you through a telecommunication platform. This can mean phone, text, email, or video. Text and email would be considered asynchronous forms of telehealth because there is a delay in responses when you and your therapist communicate. Video would be considered synchronous because you and your therapist are communicating together at the same time. Phone can vary as you may need to leave a message or your therapist may leave a message or the two of you may be talking together.
 
Question 8: Can I see a therapist in another state if they seem to be the right fit for me?
 
Answer: In short, yes. That is why telemental health is a great medium to work on your goals. Generally speaking, the therapist needs to be licensed in their state as well as the state you reside in. There may be some exceptions to this, which makes the answer more detailed.
 
Question 7: What kind of results can I expect to see?
 
Answer: Because you can see a therapist anywhere in your state (and even outside your state), you have access to a wider range of counselors. This allows for you to see someone who specializes in what you are looking to achieve or what is holding you back. Because you can see someone who is an expert in their field of therapy, you are more likely to see quicker and longer lasting results. Additionally, many clients achieve results faster with online counseling than in person because they do not have to take time out of their day to travel or find child care, and they feel more comfortable in their own home versus in an office.
 
Question 6: What equipment do I need as a client?
 
Answer: There are several HIPAA compliant web based platforms that therapists can choose from. Due to this, there may be plug-ins you need to install. However, the only thing you absolutely need is a computer with a working camera and microphone with working audio. As telecounseling is a web-based service, you will also need an internet connection. WIFI works as long as your signal and the therapist’s signal is strong enough. Different platforms will need a different amount of bandwidth, so it is advisable to talk with your therapist about doing a trial run with your therapist for a couple minutes to ensure you have enough bandwidth.
 
Question 5: What is there is a technical issue on either side?
 
Answer: This will depend on what you set up with your therapist. When you and your therapist decide to do online therapy, you will discuss potentials such as this. Power outages do happen as well as other unforeseen technical issues. For this reason, it is good to have a backup plan. It can feel unsettling for a client to be speaking of something bothersome just to have the therapist cut out. Did they hang up on you? (Likely not, but this is a thought that does go through some people’s minds). Therefore, having a backup plan will help ensure that if anything does happen, you and the therapist will be able to reconnect quickly.
 
Question 4: Are therapists professional and credible?
 
Answer: Yes. A therapist who practices online must still adhere to the state and national legal and ethical mandates of their field.
 
Question 3: Will insurance cover telehealth?
 
Answer: In most states, yes. Tele-therapy is still gaining credibility and not all insurances cover it in every state. It is advisable that if you want to use telehealth, that you check with your insurance benefits to ensure there will not be any problems. Additionally, it would be beneficial for your therapist to do the same so they do not run into problems with billing.
 
Question 2: How does it work?
 
Depending on the platform your therapist uses, there may be some initial setup that needs to take place. Once everything is set up and you are given instructions on how to get into the therapist’s online “waiting room,” all you do is sign into the waiting room. The therapist will be able to see that you are there and can click on you to “open the door.” The computer will usually connect to your camera and microphone automatically; if not, you may see a bar across your screen asking for permission to use your camera. Your therapist’s computer will do the same on their end. Then you will be able to see your therapist and they will be able to see you face to face. Some platforms can be used across all types of electronics, others are not yet available for mobile use. At that point, the therapist will conduct the therapy session. Every therapist conducts their sessions differently, just like every therapist conducts their in person sessions differently.
 
Question 1: Is Telehealth legal and ethical?
 
Answer: Yes. The National Association of Social Workers (NASW) and other associations geared towards furthering counseling have all agreed that conducting sessions via video is not only appropriate, but often a more effective medium for providing therapy to clients. Whereas it is also legal in every state, there may be some legal issues that the therapist has to be aware of such as licensing requirements. In addition, some states require that the first session be done in person. Ethically, it is important for you to understand that not all issues are appropriate for online counseling and if your therapist informs you that they will see you in person, but not online, this does not necessarily mean that you will never be able to do online counseling, just that at this time you are more appropriate for in-person sessions. This happens often with actively suicidal clients, but there are other reasons the therapist may opt to see you in person for awhile first.
 
Achieving full confidence in online therapy before doing one session may not happen. However, now that you have the top 10 questions answered, I wonder if you have any that were not answered. Send me an email with your question(s) and I will answer them as well.
 
Here at Meg Young, LCSW, it is my goal to keep you fully informed about everything we do together. No question is taken lightly and all questions will be answered. Click here to learn more about online therapy with me and call me to schedule your appointment. 941-462-4807

Being strong means we don’t need to ask for help, right? Somehow we got this idea that we need to be able to do everything ourselves and shouldn’t need help. If we ask for help, we are weak or dependent. Or is it that you don’t want to ask for help because you want to stay in control? (Which, by the way, often has the deeper meaning of being afraid to look dependent).

Unfortunately, when we don’t ask for help, we often set ourselves up for making mistakes, re-inventing the wheel, taking valuable time away from ourselves, pushing ourselves past our limits, causing injury or illness, and more.

If these aren’t enough downsides, we can lose track of what is most important to our own lives, which makes us end up feeling resentful. Resentment can lead to several other emotional, behavioral and physical issues. Resentment can start us down a very bleak path.

Not only does living life without ever wanting to ask for help make us resentful, we start to show that resentment. It comes out in our conversations as irritation or sarcasm. We purposely leave things undone or half done for others to see, and eventually all of this affects our relationships.

Two stories come to mind when I think about asking for help. The first is from a television show I saw years ago and the second is my own life. Several years ago when many superhero movies were coming out, there was a TV show, which I can’t remember the name of. This particular episode showed a man who was determined to climb a very difficult mountain without help. The issue for him is he was in a wheelchair. He trained for a long time and when he was ready, he went after this mountain with his team. He did very well. His team would occasionally put wood planks down, making it easier for him to navigate the terrain. When he was very close to the top (I think less than 100 feet or so), he just couldn’t do it anymore. He needed his team to help pull him as he continued to use his arms to pull himself up. He made it to the top because of his team’s help. He talked about this at the end of the episode and his realization that the only reason his goal was fully realized was due to his team and asking for their help.

As for me, I’m always looking to grow and improve. When I opened my business and as I’ve been working on it for the past 5 years, there were several things I started on my own, but don’t have the best skills or knowledge for (such as building a website and marketing). Eventually, I asked for help. I had a team working with me and although I continued to do the hard work of implementing it all, I pulled from their expertise and knowledge to help me grow. I am part of several collaborative facebook groups in which we support each other and learn from each other to grow as people as well as in our businesses. Asking for help was a game changer for me.

Back to you. If you don’t ask for help, you eventually wind up frustrated and resentful. You might give up on what you’re trying to do or may not start at all. Unfortunately all this does is hold you back from who you can truly be. Never stop learning; never stop growing.

Whereas I say this, it’s completely normal to not want to ask for help. In truth, most people will go years knowing they need therapy or coaching before seeking it out. Often they’ll look for what they can find as self-help options online first. It’s ok to question whether therapy or coaching would help you.

It’s true that you are struggling with something and are likely feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and unsure. However, if we can learn specifically what the differences are between coaching and therapy as well as the benefits we’ll get from therapy or coaching, we can make a more educated and excited choice. When we know how the two are different and how they can help us, it is entirely possible to make a gung-ho decision and feel confident in our choice.

Keep reading to learn how to decide whether coaching or therapy can help you

Feeling frustrated, worn out, confused, and unsure

The biggest downside of not asking for help is the feeling of being stuck. When we feel stuck, hopelessness starts to set in. We start taking it out on others and don’t feel confident in ourselves. Then we just don’t do anything which causes those guilty feelings.

At the very least, you find yourself being indecisive and therefore not making any definitive decisions. All the while, the issues continue to be there. Living this way is extremely lonely. None of us know everything and we will need to ask for help. Without asking for help, we not only feel like, but literally are doing everything by ourselves and can start to feel resentful.

Confidence, Progress, Excitement

Although you struggle with whether to go to therapy or coaching…or do nothing at all, you have the potential for a relatively quick solution and from that solution comes growth and happiness as you start meeting your goals.
When we choose to ask for help, there is a possibility for improvement in all aspects of your life – work, home, health, friendships, leisure, etc. You have the opportunity to get questions answered, solutions found, a feeling of renewed hope, confidence, excitement, and progress in your life and work.

How to Achieve the Confidence, Progress and Excitement

Yes it may be true that you are currently feeling unsure, confused, or even embarrassed, but you don’t have to anymore. The key to achieving confidence in our work or life is to identify whether coaching or therapy will help you along this path. They are very different in their approaches, and both have their place in life and work progress.

Making this decision is not as difficult as you kay think once you know how the two vary. When you follow a simple step-by-step path, you will start to see which modality will be the better option for you.

Take a look at these next steps to see how you can start making progress today

One of the reasons you struggle with indecisiveness is because we feel embarrassed to ask for help. It makes since that you feel embarrassed. We live I a culture of “I can do this without help.” We all want to be treated exactly the same regardless of education, physical strength, and other differences we have that make us unique individuals. But it does not have to stay this way when you understand exactly what coaching or therapy can do for you.

1. Identify what you want to accomplish

Here with Meg Young, LCSW, PLLC, you and I determine exactly what you want to accomplish. It is a different emotional state? Is it getting out of burnout at work? Is it what to do next in life? Is it how to communicate with your spouse better? Goal setting truly is the first step in whatever we do together. Having an end game allows us to set steps to get there. Otherwise, we may go off in several directions and not get where we want to be. However, this step does more than just set a game plan. It also helps us determine if coaching or therapy would work better.

When you really hone in on what you want to accomplish, you will start to see what path your game plan needs to take. It is hard to do anything without a game plan including setting an ending. Coaching and therapy have different paths. So deciding what the goal will be will help to set the path down coaching or therapy.

2. How much do you want to delve into your emotions and past in order to help meet this goal?

Together with my clients I brainstorm with them how intertwined their concern is with their life experiences and whether those experiences and associated feelings and beliefs will hinder their progress. Often we don’t realize just how much our life experiences affect our current situation. Sometimes in order to get to a resolution, we need to go back into the past or into emotions and beliefs to see where the current struggles stem from. Beating it at the stem will help prevent the issue from resurfacing in the future.

After you identify this, you will start to be able to determine if coaching or therapy will be more beneficial as coaching does not delve into emotions and beliefs holding you back the way therapy does. Depending on what you are dealing with, it may or may not be important to delve into emotions and beliefs.

3. Independent of whether you want to delve into emotions and beliefs, identify to what extent they impact you.

Are you or have you felt suicidal? Do you need a medication evaluation to help with depression or anxiety? Not everybody or every situation is right for coaching and sometimes people need therapy before they can move to a more coaching modality to achieve their goals. There is nothing wrong with this and can actually help you achieve your goals faster if you are honest with yourself. With more intense emotions or thoughts, cutting these off first will prevent future occurrences and also help you understand yourself better.

When you schedule a session with me, you and I will answer a few questions which will help us determine whether coaching or therapy will be the best modality to meet your goals in the quickest time frame. Sometimes this means my clients end up doing a few months of therapy before they do any coaching, but by the end of our work together, they notice the importance of starting with therapy, even if they did not originally see it this way.

Adding coaching or therapy to your life will make it possible for you to create realistic goals that you can easily reach. You can have the life you want. Both therapy and coaching have life-long benefits and can help you reach your goals. They both have a significant role in helping people along their life journey. It is just a matter of determining whether coaching or therapy will be better for you. And you can do both to have even stronger results.

Achieving your goals through either coaching or therapy can be extremely exciting. You absolutely can feel confident, accomplished and happy. Meg Young, LCSW can help by determining with you whether it’s coaching or therapy you would benefit more from, then help you realize these goals. I specialize with first responders, medical professionals and court professionals to help Critical Care Givers maintain their life’s passion.

Click here for information on whether coaching or therapy is a better fit for you then schedule a session today.

Being able to think about several things at once is a good thing, right? To be able to remember and think about all of the different times you’ve seen this scenario before will give you plenty of ideas of how to handle this specific scenario…or, more likely, it will give you more anxiety. Being able to think about getting to your kid’s basketball game after work while trying to finish that report will help keep it at the forefront of your mind so you make sure you leave on time…or, more likely you won’t be as productive and actually won’t get out on time.
 
The reality is when we live life with a million intrusive thoughts all day, we are less productive and less happy than when we are focused on what we are doing in the moment. It affects our ability to finish work on time, affects how well we do our work, affects our ability to separate this situation from others, thus making more mistakes, affects our relationships as we’re more focused internally than with our families, and affects our ability to feel less stressed when we make healthy choices like exercise.
 
The downsides to the intrusive thoughts outlined above include increased stress, more irritability, less patience, less sleep, weight gain, headaches, relationship difficulties, and more. All of these symptoms due to intrusive memories make living a fulfilling life even more difficult.
 
Not only do these intrusive thoughts make living a fulfilling life more difficult, we start to notice in ourselves emotions and behaviors we never thought we would have. After all, we are strong, independent, and know how to handle every stressful think life throws at us.
 
Perhaps you didn’t recognize it until it overtook every aspect of your life. Perhaps you ignored the early warning signs that looking back you now see with full clarity. Hindsight is 20/20!
 
At the time you might have had a million excuses – being overtired, a specific incident at work, a coworker you can’t get away from, other responsibilities becoming overwhelming. It might have felt stressful, but you could rationalize it.
Unfortunately, as you ignored it long enough, it finally became too much and now it’s impacting not only your life, but your loved one’s lives as well, causing so much frustration.
 
If you haven’t already, one thing I know for sure is if you don’t get ahold of the intrusive thoughts, you’ll wind up in an even deeper hole. You see where this has come already. It can continue to get worse. You could end up feeling completely crazy and unsure of yourself.
 
But you are not alone. Many people struggle with the effects of long term intrusive thoughts wreaking havoc on their lives. It’s ok to admit you struggle with this and that it has taken control of your life. It’s the first step to getting your life back.
It is true that these intrusive thoughts cause you to feel crazy and out of control. However, if we can learn just three tips to calm these thoughts, we can find peace and control again. When we make a few changes in our lives, the results will be unbeatable. It is entirely possible to make the thoughts decrease significantly.
 
Keep reading for my three tips so you can start feeling more in control today
 
This downward spiral will continue to take control if you don’t
 
The biggest problem to these intrusive thoughts is the impact it has on your ability to be yourself and do what you do so well everyday. It impacts every aspect of your life from work to relationships to home to leisure to sleep to health.
 
At the very least you find yourself struggling with an internal war. You start to second guess yourself as a million other ways to handle this situation come through your head. Then all the times your solutions didn’t work start coming up. Then your mind is off and running and you can’t concentrate on what you’re doing anymore.
 
Living this way feels extremely defeating. You think you can’t do anything the way you used to. You once chalked it up to becoming jaded, but that excuse just doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore.
 
Gain control of your thoughts, gain control of your life
 
Although you struggle with intrusive thoughts causing feelings of frustration and hopelessness, you have the potential to let go of those thoughts – to take control of them.
 
When we chose to take control of the thoughts instead of letting them control us, there is a possibility for feeling confident, hopeful, strong, and competent. You have the opportunity to take control of your thoughts and regain that feeling of strength.
 
3 Tips to Achieve Control Over Intrusive Thoughts
 
Yes, you may be feeling skeptical, hopeless, and frustrated, but the key to achieving freedom from these thoughts is to take your control back. To not let the thoughts have control over you any longer. To show the thoughts who’s boss.
 
Making these changes is not as hard as you think because you are full of control and strength. You show it everyday in your work. We have to redirect some of that power back to yourself.
 
Take a look at these three tips to see how you can obtain freedom and control over your own thoughts. Think just how good it will feel to have control over you again. To feel in control. To feel happy. To enjoy life.
 
Take a look at these three tips to see how you can achieve the life you want
 
Concern #1: The thoughts won’t stop
One of the reasons you struggle with intrusive thoughts is because the mind ping pongs around different memories and thoughts as a way to remind you of past lessons so you do it “right” this time. It makes sense you’re feeling tired of this. The mind cannot bring positive thoughts and memories to the surface; just the unpleasant ones. This is so you will remember past mistakes and not repeat them – both your mistakes and other people’s mistakes. It is a primitive survival mechanism of the brain.
 
Solution #1: Stop technique
You need to interrupt the thought process. Stop the game of ping pong before you can do anything else. Next time you notice the racing thoughts, very abruptly tell yourself “stop” while either visualizing a stop sign or clapping your hands. What happens when you do this to a young child or a pet? They immediately stop and look at you.
 
With Meg Young, LCSW, we practice this technique in session to understand the feeling, notice the effects, identify what may make it not work (including your own thoughts), and solutions that will get you around these pitfalls before they become pitfalls.
When you do this, you may feel a bit silly at first. That’s ok. If you notice feeling silly, for that one second, your intrusive thoughts stopped! You may notice your family or pet’s reactions as well. Take note of these reactions. Who responded and how? Even if your family is aware you’ll be doing this (and you should tell them), they won’t necessarily be expecting it, so you’ll see their reactions.
 
Concern #2: I can’t let it go
Your brain is “set” to survival. It makes sense you can’t stop thinking about something as your brain tries to find all the possible lessons it can from the experience(s) you have. The survival part of your brain doesn’t distinguish between your pain and someone else’s pain. Nor does it distinguish between real and not real (as in television). The survival part of your brain cares about one thing: keep all the lessons up front so you will survive.
 
Solution #2: Distraction
This technique goes with the first one. Once you interrupt the thought process, you have to help your brain realize you are not in danger. To do this you have to continue to interrupt the process. (This may take a long time depending on several factors). Distraction is key to gaining control of your thoughts. The process is simple, but not easy to implement. You tell yourself “Nope, I’m not thinking of that, I’m doing this.”
 
Together with my clients I help them identify which distraction techniques would work best for them, help them develop a plan to use distraction, and help them understand with “survival” being turned on in their brain, all the reasons you shouldn’t do distraction will come up. Of course it will! If you’re distracted, you won’t be able to see the danger, won’t be prepared, and will die. There is truth in this…if you are in danger. But when it’s just your own thoughts, there is no true danger and distraction is not only ok, but desirable.
 
At first when you start doing distraction, you will still struggle with the intrusive thoughts, but you will soon start to see during the times you are distracted, you are actually feeling ok. Maybe not fully yourself yet, but you’re start to feel the hope return.
 
Concern #3: These thoughts keep interrupting my family/leisure time
Whereas we can multitask and think of more than one thing at a time, we cannot have two complete thoughts at once. It’s more like one thought and one vague idea, which you then focus on making that a complete thought. It makes sense these thoughts interrupt your fun time. Your brain, being set to survival wants those thoughts to take front stage, even when you don’t. Do you struggle to make distraction a full thought.
 
Solution #3: Focus
All three of these tips need to be used together. First you have to interrupt the process, then you distract to get your brain our of survival mode, but since it wants to stay there, it will make distraction difficult. Therefore, focus is the last aspect of this plan. Focus means no matter what comes to mind, bring it back to the task at hand. Just like at work, sometimes you have to shut everything else off and deal with what’s in front of you, same goes for your leisure time. Shut everything else off. Notice what you’re doing with all of your senses. Notice your body – what’s tight? Loosen those muscles. What are other people doing? How do they look? How do they appear to be feeling? Then get back to you in the situation. Just be there in the situation.
 
When you schedule a session with Meg Young, LCSW, you will learn tips to make focusing easier. You will learn and practice skills related to focus and will get the encouragement and direction you need to make it work for you.
 
Adding these things to your life will make it possible to live a happy, fulfilled life. You will feel more confident and in control. You will gain your family time back and not lose out on the full experiences with family and friends.
 
Achieving control over your thoughts can be excited and freeing. It can give you what you’ve been missing out on. You absolutely can enjoy life and Meg Young, LCSW can help as my practice specializes in first responders, medical professionals, and court professionals – all of whom deal with other’s struggles daily. The survival part of your brain does not distinguish between other people’s struggles and your own. We can all end up on this path of intrusive thoughts. But with the right tools, we can just as easily avoid this road and maintain the fulfilling lives we want.
 
Call me today to schedule an appointment and choose strength!