Child abuse is so prevalent around the world, but even in the United States it is staggering. It is estimated that between four and seven children die per day in the United States due to abuse or neglect and a report to child protection agencies happens every 10 seconds. (See Childhelp.org). Children who are abused or neglected are at a higher risk for developing mental health and physical health problems later in life. One study showed that 80% of people 21 years of age who reported being abused in childhood met the criteria for at least one mental health disorder. (See Childhelp.org). There is also a disproportionate number of people in prisons who have childhood abuse histories (14% of men and 36% of women). Furthermore, of people involved in drug/alcohol programs, as much as 2/3 have childhood abuse histories. (See Childhelp.org). With all the financial, social, psychological, legal, and medical effects child abuse has, it is sad to see that our country (along with others) is still suffering with this plague. I mentioned in an earlier post about secrets. Child abuse, especially sexual abuse, is shrouded in secrecy. If we can teach our children not to hold secrets – ever – we can start to bring this issue to the surface and really strike hard at it. Let’s teach different wording. If it is a surprise birthday party and you’re not supposed to tell the person, it’s not a “secret” but a “surprise” or something similar. If you are giving a cookie to a child and say “It’s our secret” because it’s almost dinner time, say something different, like “this is a treat” or something similar. Let’s teach our children not to ever use the term “secret.” By teaching children that secrets are bad, if they get into an abusive situation, they will understand it is NOT a “secret” and they absolutely have to tell someone about it. Let’s learn to be good mentors and teachers to our children. Please go to Childhelp.org or National Children’s Alliance or any other website designed to bring the issue to light and offer ways to battle this illness our country is gripped with. Let’s strike back at child abuse.

Generally speaking, yes! There are some illnesses that make it difficult to hold a full time job, but people with several illnesses work every day. Just because you have a mental illness doesn’t mean it is a life sentence to disability. Untreated, depression can feel like an endless pit that a person cannot get out of, but treated, most people are able to live happy and successful lives. It is important to work with your therapist, take medication as prescribed, and utilize support groups. The important thing is to not give up hope. As I’ve said previously, hope is so important in recovery. Mental illnesses are just like other diseases – with medication and support, successful lives are possible. Think about someone with diabetes or high blood pressure. The illnesses are not cured with medication, but you will be able to live a normal life with it being treated. Sometimes the medication isn’t working well and it needs to be adjusted. Same with mental illness – sometimes medication needs to be adjusted. It is not something to feel like a failure about. You wouldn’t feel like a failure if your high blood pressure medication wasn’t working and needs to be adjusted. Mental illness is so prevalent in our society, it would be a shame if everyone with mental illness gave up hope and stopped working and stopped engaging in life. Can you imagine that? Instead, stay goal-oriented…what do you want to do? What are your goals? What do you need to do to meet your goals? What can you do today to work on your goals? There may be times you do not have the motivation or desire…but even people without mental illness don’t have motivation and desire to do what they want to or should do every day. That is also ok. Don’t make your expectations so high that they are unreachable. A happy and successful life is within your reach!

There has been a lot of discussion related to bullying in the media recently. Bullying is not a new trend, but as the stigma of mental illness is decreased, more and more people are opening up about being bullied and the effects it has on them – some of these effects can be life-long. Bullying interferes with social development and self esteem. It causes increased risk of depression, anxiety, and suicide. There is an enormous amount of research backing up the ill-effects bullying has on children, adolescents and even adults.
What can a parent do about bullying? Teach your children about bullying. Teach them what bullying is. Teach them how to be safe and how to appropriately stand up for themselves. Keep the lines of communication open with your children. Let them know you are a safe person to talk to about bullying. Check in with them; listen to them; listen to their concerns. Ask questions and be interested in what is happening at school and with their friends.
What if someone I know is being bullied? Help them learn to stand up for themselves appropriately and get the proper support from adults. Telling an adult that you or someone you know is being bullied is not being a “tattle tale” or a “rat.” Telling someone who has authority and can help brings the problem to light. A problem cannot be solved if it is unknown. Furthermore, it gives the opportunity for the person being bullied to get help and not spiral into depression or suicide. Be supportive to that friend, but not in a secretive way – don’t hold the secret that they are being bullied. Secrets are dangerous. (By the way, keep this in mind; secrets are dangerous. I will talk about keeping secrets in another blog post).

As I’m sure you can imagine, those with depression are more likely to attempt suicide, but do you know just how prevalent suicidal thoughts and attempts are? Those with mental health issues are approximately 10 times as likely to attempt suicide as those without mental health disorders. According to NAMI.org, approximately 41,000 people take their own lives each year in the United States! Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in adults and the 3rd leading cause of death in children and young adults. Telling someone that they are loved and would be leaving behind so many loved ones if they kill themselves seems to be the right thing to do to support people when they are in such distress, but in fact, it is not that helpful. People who are in the depths of depression sometimes truly believe they would be helping others if they were dead…they would no longer be a burden in their minds. The brain of someone who has suicidal thoughts does not see the negative effects of suicide, but sees the positives in them dying. It seems so backwards to those that do not suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. So what can someone do to help someone dealing with these thoughts? First – know the warning signs. When people talk about suicide or even state things like “things would be so much better if I weren’t here” are more obvious signs. Other signs to look for include those with depression – isolation, withdrawal, writing about death, etc. It potentially becomes more serious when people who have been depressed all of a sudden feel a sense of calm – it is not uncommon that when people suffering from depression suddenly feel calm and at peace, they have made a decision to end their lives. Furthermore, when they start giving away their possessions, saying good bye to loved ones, getting their affairs in order – these are signs to look for. There could be other risk factors to look for such as suicide in the family (there is evidence that the risk of suicide increases with family history of suicide), substance abuse, age (adolescent to young adult and elderly are at higher risk), gender (males are more likely to succeed while women are more likely to attempt without success). Mental illness, trauma histories and constant stress are other risk factors. If you see any of these signs or risk factors, it is absolutely ok to ask the person if they are feeling suicidal. If someone is not suicidal, asking them about it will NOT put the thought in their head. It is safe and a good idea to ask them about it. Be supportive; listen to them. It can be helpful to talk about going to the hospital with them and trying to get them to go on their own. Get your own support – again look at NAMI’s website for support groups. Helping someone with severe depression and suicidal thoughts can be difficult. Don’t tell them what they would be throwing away or leaving behind. Instead validate that they are feeling miserable right now and help them get help. Always take them seriously – even someone who has had several unsuccessful attempts is looking for help, they are generally not looking for attention. Those who have had several unsuccessful attempts are at increased risk because they may succeed unintentionally. Help them get the support and help they need while ensuring you are getting the support you need as well. Suicide is a preventable health condition that we all need to give proper attention to.