Last week we discussed coping skills for intrusive thoughts, especially when you are cooped up inside for any reason. What makes intrusive thoughts so horrible is literally their intrusiveness. They come up unwanted and unbidden. No matter what you try, intrusive thoughts seem to never stop or go away. I hear it so frequently “I can’t stop these thoughts.” Or “I’m doing things I enjoy and all of a sudden these thoughts come up.” It is so draining and so frustrating. For many people it makes day to day activities difficult. How do you conquer these thoughts when they just don’t seem to stop?

Another frequent complaint I hear is “people tell me I should be over this by now.” Or “I should be over this by now.” The first question I always ask is why? Why should you “be over it” even if it is many decades later? The second question I ask is would you tell your best friend, child, or someone else very close to you to “get over it” if they were going through this? Sometimes I get a “yes” to this second question because it is hard for loved ones to see someone they live in agony. Often people don’t know what to say.

What if intrusive thoughts had a purpose? Often people handle things easier if there is a purpose to it. What about you? If you understood somethings purpose, does it seem easier to deal with? Well, intrusive thoughts actually do have a purpose…and not just to frustrate or upset you. Have you ever obsessively thought about something small you did that you regretted? You ruminated over it and what you could have done differently for awhile. Eventually the obsessive thoughts ended; you realized there is nothing you can do about it now and let it go.

Intrusive thoughts are the brain trying to make sense of an event. It does this by bringing up parts of the event it hasn’t made sense of in an effort to file it in the proper place. It’s like holding a book and not being able to figure out where to put it on the shelf. It isn’t quite a mystery…not quite a drama. You end up putting it down with the mysteries, but it seems misplaced; it doesn’t seem to quite fit there. You keep looking at it until you pick it back up and put it with the dramas. However that also looks misplaced. The cycle continues until the book (or memory) is placed in the right place. The brain does not give up trying to file it away correctly.

Understanding the purpose doesn’t make the thoughts stop, though. Even with therapy, the thoughts haven’t seemed to stop completely. The only thing that will stop traumatic intrusive thoughts is the brain filing the event in the right place. The brain is very complicated, making this no easy task. Complicating matters more is the body also stores memories. Have you ever noticed that when someone vomits, you can taste it? Or your own stomach flops? Or you look at someone’s injury and feel it in your own body? The body holds memories of events being brought up again in the present causing current symptoms. There is quite a bit of current research regarding the importance of healing both the brain and the body memories in order to help the brain file events properly. That being said, intrusive thoughts can be significantly minimized without working on body memories. If you’ve had a lot of therapy and still having intrusive thoughts, talk with your therapist about techniques that will heal body memories.

There are some very awesome techniques including EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing), ART (Accelerated resolution therapy), and body-centered psychotherapy (or somatic psychotherapy) among others, that I may not be aware of. It is very important to work with someone fully trained in these modalities instead of someone who is partially trained. Practitioners of EMDR for example can start using EMDR after the first part of training, but aren’t fully trained until they have completed the full basic training, or level 2 training.

If you aren’t sure where to find a therapist trained in one of these techniques, there are many websites that can help you find someone, or feel free to call or email me. I will help you find someone in your area, even if you aren’t in CT or FL. 860-501-9767; 941-462-4807 or megberrylcsw@fastmail.com.

As I’m sitting here, looking outside at the snow falling (we’re supposed to be getting 10-14 inches today), I can’t help but think about the stressors of being stuck inside with intrusive or racing thoughts. Whether you are stuck inside due to weather, child/elder care, transportation, or other life situations, the inability or serious lack of desire (for example in my case I have no desire to be outside whatsoever in snow) can cause your intrusive or racing thoughts to increase immensely. The feeling of being “caged” inside the house increases the feeling of being “caged” within your head as well.

It is a terrible feeling to not be able to get away from racing or intrusive thoughts to begin with. However, often times just getting out of the house – being able to take a short walk – makes people feel better. There is evidence that exercise helps release the endorphins in the brain, making you feel better. There is also evidence that being outside releases those endorphins. Recently I saw an article that explained when people walk outside versus inside, there is a huge difference in their endorphin release. So, being stuck inside can be very frustrating.

Obviously there are things you can do when you are inside to get away from the racing or intrusive thoughts. You do a variety of things everyday. However, just the belief that you are stuck inside with no escape can make the brain work overtime with regard to racing and intrusive thoughts. Personally, I don’t know what exactly causes this; I have not done any research on it, but I know it happens to many people. Sometimes people get “cabin fever” and start to get tired of being inside. They get bored and don’t know what to do to occupy themselves anymore. When you have PTSD, cabin fever can feel like jail within yourself and your head. You start by doing all the things you normally do. You feel ok for awhile. As the hours drag on, you get tired of doing all that stuff, and even if you wouldn’t go out anyway, just knowing you really can’t (or don’t want to), is enough to drive you crazy. Then the racing or intrusive thoughts get worse and you still try to do all the coping techniques you usually use. It seems to get harder as the hours go on. At some point many people just give up trying to stay busy or stay mindful.

What do you do when you are cooped up? What helps you keep the racing and intrusive thoughts from overtaking your day? I have found it does help to start early. Start before you are feeling cooped up. If I start doing things before feeling cooped up, I tend to be able to last longer before feeling bored, caged, start pacing anxiously, etc. As long as the power is on, I like to bake. I like to read. I like to build my business and help others (even if only indirectly at the moment). What about you? Comment below to tell me, and help others who just don’t know what to do deal with the racing and intrusive thoughts. I’d love to hear your feedback!

The stigma attached to mental health and getting therapy is still strong. Men are “supposed” to be strong and not ask for help (not even asking for driving directions). Nowadays, women often want to be “equal” to men, so they too have the desire to be strong and not want to ask for help. Both men and women keep pushing through saying “I’m fine.” Have you ever heard the different definitions for the acronym “fine?” Generally those acronyms do not spell out someone being “fine.” Look it up – Alcoholics Anonymous talks about that acronym for example. People will often ask how you are out of pure interest, but within that, sometimes they can actually tell that you are not fine – even before you recognize it. Next time you say “I’m fine” really think about it; are you really? Or are you just trying to put on a brave face?

If you recognize that you are not truly fine – that you are more irritable, you are not sleeping as well, not be eating as well, isolating more than usual, drinking or doing other things to numb your feelings, you may be close to crying, you may not have the same pleasure in things you used to enjoy, you may be more tired than usual, or feel “on edge” more, etc take a step back and think about your life as a whole right now. It is so much easier for us to say “I just had a hard day at work” or “I’m just tired” than to admit we are not actually “fine.”

But what if I admit that I’m not fine? Am I weak for not being able to handle life’s stressors? “My life isn’t nearly as bad as others.” “I shouldn’t feel like this; there’s no reason for it.” This is our big problem in our society…we think that just because we don’t have it as bad as someone else, we should be happy…aren’t we told that all the time? “Be grateful for what you have…” Well, that’s true. It is important to be grateful for what you have. However, just because you have “more” than other people doesn’t mean that you are feeling fulfilled. Sometimes more means more stress! The most important thing to remember is your feelings – whatever they are – are absolutely valid and ok to have. Once you come to terms with the fact that it is ok to feel sad, hopeless, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, scared, etc, it is easier to deal with. You can’t fight something if you are in denial – you can’t stay safe if you deny the danger that is right on top of you. Every single human being on this planet has feelings. Every single human has the right to feel those feelings. If you have those negative feelings, isn’t it better to do something about it now before it gets worse? Stress, untreated, will just worsen.

Ok, so I understand that I am not fine right now. I’ve admitted to myself that I am feeling anxious, depressed, stressed, overwhelmed, scared, hopeless, etc. Now what? Do I need to seek therapy? Can I get over this without therapy? Can you get past it without therapy is not an easy question to answer. For some people, yes. Other people, no. It completely depends on each individual situation. The first thing I would recommend is that you check in with yourself. Are you taking time to de-stress every day? Are you doing things with people that matter to you? Are you giving yourself time to yourself? Are you getting outside? (The power of nature is amazing)! Are you eating and sleeping on a regular schedule? In general, do you have balance in life? If the answer is no, my first suggestion would be to get a routine started where you are taking care of your various needs…sleep, eat, time to yourself, time with others you love, time to de-stress, time to get outside, time with spirituality if that is important to you, etc. If you are doing all of this and it still isn’t enough, I would suggest talking with your doctor. Sometimes it can be an easy supplement fix. For example, many people in the north become deficient in Vitamin D in the winter because they do not get outside as much. Vitamin D plays a strong role in feeling happy. Talk with your doctor; get some blood work done to rule out any medical needs. Then if it still isn’t any better, I would suggest talking to a therapist. It is amazing how much just talking to someone who is non-judgmental can feel. It by itself can make all the difference in the world.

Sometimes therapists will do a free consultation as well to see whether therapy would be a good fit for you. Therapy does not mean you need to dive into all your past demons. Often therapists will work with you on what you are going through right now to improve the moment without going into your past. If you aren’t sure, what’s the harm in trying? Feel free to call or email me. We will together determine whether therapy is what you need or if you just need a few sessions to get yourself a routine that will get you back on track. The real strength of a person is their willingness to ask for help.

People tend to believe that those who serve our country are “strong” and won’t suffer the effects of what they do day in and day out during their job. What is “strong” anyway? Does “strong” mean that you are immune to depression, anxiety, or PTSD? Does it mean that you push through and persevere through adversity? Does it mean that you don’t need other people to support you? Or maybe it means you use the support of other people. Obviously the definition of “strong” is not that easy. People have different definitions of “strong.” The bottom line is, every single human being is at risk of developing depression, anxiety and/or PTSD at sometime during their lives.

According to The Veteran’s Administration, about 15-20 in every 100 people (15-20%) of adults suffer from depression at some point during their lives. This number does not seem to decrease with military according to an article written in Healthline here, it is indicated that about 14% of service members experience depression after deployment.

As for PTSD (Post-traumatic Stress Disorder), there is a lot of research that is showing the astounding number of vets that meet the criteria. According to The Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 1 in 5 military members that have returned from Iraq or Afghanistan report symptoms of depression or PTSD and that the rate of PTSD is three (3) times higher among military men and women who have been deployed versus those who have not. An estimated 7.8% of adults will experience PTSD sometime during their life according to The Nebraska Department of Veteran’s Affairs.

Stigma causes many people to not seek treatment from depression or anxiety or PTSD. Often the symptoms are not symptoms people want to admit to (whether emotional or behavioral). The relationship problems, irritability, intense fear, sleeplessness, avoidance of people or places, unintentional physical responses (lashing out, etc) can often make people feel like “something is wrong with me.” Especially those who are “supposed” to be able to handle really difficult situations. We also tend to ignore and hide (stigmatize) what we don’t understand. Once understood that these symptoms are 100% normal, it makes it easier to get treatment. PTSD and depression are treatable. The symptoms do not have to ruin the rest of your life. Just imagine…You can become a functional and “strong” person again!

What would it mean to you to not have to fight the demons in your head? What would it mean to be able to go to work again without fear that you will have a panic attack? What would it mean to you to not need to sleep with the knife or gun next to you? What would it mean to you to be able to sleep through the night? What would it mean to you to be the husband, wife, mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, uncle, etc that you were before the symptoms began?

When you are ready, look for a therapist who can help you. There are so many out there that are excellent at what they do and can help you get that life back. I would be more than happy to talk with you as well. I may be able to help you, even if it is only to help you find a therapist near you. However, I will see people through a HIPAA compliant web platform in Connecticut and in Florida as I am licensed in both states. Whether I am the right therapist for you or can help you find the right therapist, call me: 860-501-9767 or 941-462-4807.