How to Handle Tough Family Conversations During the Holidays

From a Therapist’s Perspective

The holidays can be a special time — full of food, laughter, and family traditions. But they can also be stressful. Sometimes family members say things that hurt, bring up old arguments, or talk about topics that make us feel uncomfortable.

That’s okay,  you’re not alone in feeling this way. As a therapist, I want to share a few easy ways to handle tough conversations and keep your peace this holiday season.

 

1. Take a Deep Breath Before You Respond

When someone says something upsetting, your body might feel tight or hot. Before answering, take one slow, deep breath. This helps calm your body and gives your brain time to think.

Example:
Aunt Lisa says, “You’ve gained some weight this year!”
You take a deep breath and say, “I’d rather not talk about my body today, but thanks for asking how I’ve been.”

2. Set Boundaries Kindly

You have the right to say what feels okay for you and what doesn’t. Setting boundaries isn’t rude,  it’s healthy.

Example:
Your dad starts raising his voice at you.
You can say, “We can talk, but if you continue to yell, I am going to have to end this conversation.”

3. Change the Subject

If a conversation starts to get tense, it’s okay to gently move to a new topic. This can save everyone from an argument.

Example:
Your uncle brings up politics and things start getting loud.
You smile and say, “This seems like a big topic! I’d love to hear more about your new puppy instead.”

4. Take Breaks When You Need Them

You don’t have to stay in every conversation. If things feel too hard, give yourself a little space. Go for a short walk, get a drink of water, or step outside for fresh air.

Example:
Your cousin keeps teasing you.
You say, “I’m going to grab some air for a few minutes. I’ll be right back.”

 5. Focus on What You Can Control

You can’t control what others say or do, but you can control your response. Choose peace when you can, and remember that it’s okay to protect your energy.

Example:
Your mom brings up an old family argument.
You think, “I don’t have to fix this right now,” and say, “Let’s talk about that another time.”

 Conquer your Holidays 

Family gatherings can be both joyful and challenging. It’s okay to feel many things at once. The best gift you can give yourself this season is kindness,  both to yourself and to others.

Remember: you deserve peace, even during the holidays.